What's with "Men" These Days....
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| Tue, 01-24-2006 - 8:15pm |
Here's my situation. Out of a recent (short) relationship with a guy for two months. We had a lot of problems from the start and I eventually ended it because of his odd behavior. He never invited me to his place, he only called me from his car, only texted me when he was home, did not want to buy condoms but was okay to wear them if I bought them..... All this stuff that were huge red flags for me. Recently, he wanted to get back together ( I know, I should not have even talked to him). But for some reason, I did miss him. There was a lot about him I did like. Arrrggg. Anyway, I told him I did not know if I could get back with him for all the reasons listed above. To make a long story short, he ended up texting these horrible things to me. Example, "I have seen less zits on a teenager", "my dumb ass did not pass the test", "my dumb ass was not worth supporting", and etc. For "cleanness" purposes, I won't even tell the worst of what he told me. Most were horrible sexual comments. I obviously will never talk to him again.
This past weekend, my friend of many years was leaving our comapny, so we threw him a party. Of course, all of us were drinking and it ended up being this huge gathering of people who used to work and still work for our company. I had a few too many drinks and started to cry about the jerk listed above. Not because I missed him, but because he hurt my feelings with the aweful stuff indicated above. I was talking with my friend privaltely about why I was crying and he thought it would make me feel better, by telling me how attractive I was. Then all of a sudden, he kissed me! He's married and just had a baby! I don't even know how to process these past two weeks. What is up with men and will they ever change???? At this point, I am so disgusted, that I would almost prefer to get myself a dog and just call it quits with men.

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I think they both have some self-esteem problems.
Kcole,
I am glad that you got away from the first man. I remember you posting about him and I say good riddance.
As for the married man - take it from me - many people cheat on their marriages. Depending on which statistics you read, its as much as 70%. And almost every statistic is over half. And women cheat just as much as men. But women are more likely to cheat with another married man and so we in the single world don't hear about it. Married men are much more likely to have an affair with a single person, so we hear about it more.
But both men and women are more than capable of cheating and tend to do it in about even numbers. That being said, there are still plenty of great people out there and I would hate to see anyone give up hope. We all have bad days and feel like the whole process of trying to find someone is hopeless. But having a bad day is one thing, really giving up hope is another.
Honestly it wouldn't surprise me if the first man was married too.
Not all who cheat are "bad" people; but I, too, have almost given up hope that people can be faithful.
Dogs rule! :)
Maybe a break is in order for you. Nothing can give you perspective better than sitting back and watching how the rest of the world works. I think I've learned more about myself and what I want in a relationship from watching everyone else's relationships (good and bad) than from being in one.
I remember your post about the first guy and I'm glad you got rid of him. It sounds like it wasn't a moment too soon.
As for the second guy, that's just too bad. But more so for him than you. Do you see him at work each day?
Anyway, enjoy the time off and if you do find that your life is right for a dog, that's awesome! I love mine! And just as a side note, she's "introduced" me to a few guys in her time. :-)
I get really down when I read all these posts about men who get defensive and then wage personal attacks on the woman. He treated you like crap, and then had the gall to say even worse thing to you when you wouldn't take him back. That makes me so mad! You really did the right thing by breaking up with that guy in the first place, and I can't believe he thinks he helped his case at all by trying to belittle you.
As for the married guy - ugh. That sucks - for you and for his wife. I can only hope that karma does its thing.
I agree with the other posters about not giving up. I personally know many great men who are capable of being kind, loyal, loving and good. They exist, even if they are rare.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
What toolbox did those prize winners crawl out of? Holy moly... Don't give up hope. I agree with the others. Great men are really rare but they are out there.
Maybe its the weather. Thats what I like to blame most people's behavior on when they're acting like morons. :)
Rubyshoes
The jerk you still miss is likely married - that's a no-brainer. I'm not sure why you would miss someone who treats you so horribly, but you're not the first woman who has had a hard time getting over a jerk...
As for the problem with "men" these days, I've given this topic a lot of thought. As a 34 year-old heterosexual man, I have noticed that many men today do not see women as trustworthy. They see marriage as a trap that often ends in misery. Also, there has been a shift in the past 30 or so years with women - this shift is a philosophy shift that has made women more self-centered and less family-oriented than they were in the past. Women still feel as if they deserve it all, and won't settle for less than a man who will cater to her every whim (if you ever watch Dr. Phil you know what I mean). Men aren't interested in trying to be perfect for a woman - we want to be ourselves, without someone trying to change everything about us. Believe it or not, men have needs too, and I think there is a growing sense among men that there are not many women out there willing to try and meet their needs. And so the fear of marriage grows even more. In order for men to feel good about women again, I think there must be a willingness on the part of women to start finding the good in men, instead of always looking for the worst. Also, jaded women who have been hurt in the past and assume all men are bad will never have another relationship for the rest of their lives. If the only way a woman can make a man happy is through sex, then that will be the main interest that men continue to have in women. Men want a spouse who appreciates them and will always stand beside him through the good times and bad, and I don't think there are as many women today who are willing to do this....
Just to make this clear, I don't miss him at all. I did at one point. I questioned my good judgement and allowed him to have contact with me. I have learned never to question my better judgement anymore. I believe what I said was, I did not miss him, but was hurt by the things he said to me.
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