What's wrong with this picture ? (vent)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
What's wrong with this picture ? (vent)
Sun, 09-18-2011 - 4:18pm

Life is funny...as always. There is NO single guy besides the ones I've met on OLD who have shown any interest in me (besides some smiling), yet there are a couple of married guys who are making some efforts to get to know me. Go figure !

Guy # 1. I've met him during a grand award reception. He was the only sociable person there, so we talked. Nothing serious. Then I would bump into him either in a library or on my way home. I once asked for his help to drive an SUV that belonged to our department (since I didn't drive for 5 years), but that's about it. His wife had a baby and apparently became very explosive (their relationship from before didn't sound all that great either) and he went to me for advice. At some point, he started saying that I'm pretty and asking if he could be my friend. He walked me home twice (looking visibly worried that someone is going to see him). I haven't seen him in about a month and guess who I see wondering around my lab looking for me last week ? Yep....I once saw him with his wife, he presented me to her, but was very cordial, not his usually friendly self, so I doubt that we'll be real friends....

Guy # 2. I've met him in in June a child's party where my SIL invited me. He was there with his wife (cute and about 15 years younger) and child. He's my SIL's friend. I don't remember interacting with him, I talked a bit with his wife and he paid no attention to me. Not that he had to, but I find him good-looking, so I would have noticed.

In August, I went dancing to a latin discotheque and saw him there dancing with a friend (looking at me). I went to say hello. He suggested that we go to the bar to talk. He was telling me that it's not because he's married that he can't have friends or go dancing. And that he's happy. I went dancing with other people again. He was just standing there. When I was taking breaks, he would sit and talk to me. He left with me (at 3 am!) and helped me get a taxi. Yea, he also asked for my phone number and did call in a couple of weeks just to say hello (Fri at 10 pm!).

My SIL told me that in July, when we were supposed to go to an event, she told him that I was coming. I didn't because my son was sick and he was apparently constantly asking about me. She also told me that his wife was pregnant with a 2nd child. Go figure. I'm thinking that if he though that we could be friends, he wouldn't have been ignoring me in front of his wife. I mean friendly men are also friendly in front of their wives, right ?

Guy #3 is my Iranian neighboor and has a son about my son's age. I've seen the wife a few times when she took their son out and he was playing with mine and I would only bump into the husband from time to time. Once I saw him in a parc and we started talking, while our sons were playing. He also does a masters in my university and was telling me about it. Suddenly, my son falls and starts crying. This guy, who barely knows my son, runs to him, picks him up and tries to calm him down. Later on, we were walking home and as we reached it, I realised that I forgot my son's shoes and needed to go back. He went with me. Now I didn't know him all that well. After this, I saw him in the university, I only said hi and continued to my destination, but noticed with a corner of my eye that he stopped, probably hoping to have a conversation.

There are plenty of Iranians in my university and in my building and there are not particularly friendly. There are also plenty of married men with small children in the neighboorhood and at the best, they would say hello. At worst, nothing. So his friendliness stands out. 

I've met a few single guys, who seems to somehow like me (at least my personality) and would even say it to me and yet, not make any efforts whatsoever to get to know me. I even have a single new neighboor who toold over his sister's appartment. She presented us before leaving. And we only say hi to each other. He smiles, but not even a conversation.

It's a bit frustrating, because if these guys were single, I could have gotten interested in any of them. At least in theory. But obviously, it's not going to happen. We won't even be friends really.

I don't know if it's some frustrating coincidence that the married guys find me attractive or interesting, while the single guys don't.

Or maybe I'm a crazy desperate woman who takes any sign of friendliness for something else lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Sun, 09-18-2011 - 5:37pm
Do the single guys have kids? I would think that might be a stumbling block for some single guys and you shouldn't feel it's you.

I dated an Iranian married guy once. He told me he was seperated...tho even then I still felt I was doing something "wrong". He took me to a family dinner and I met his mother & brother. Later, his jealous brother told me that he was still married and still living w/him wife. I dumped him. But he came to my place late one night acting like a junkie tweeting out...he said it's normal in his culture to have other lovers, as long as it wasn't an emotional r/ship. He offered to leave his wife for me (I think this was why he was so nervous, he was seriously considering it)...but I told him to go home to his wife.

Not sure if it's true about their culture, but I think it might be since I met his family like that...?

I think you should just continue to be friendly with the married guys - they might have single friends or invite you to some new social things. Also, the more flirting you do, the happy you look and the easier to flirt with new (hopefully single) guys :)

Attention is like publicity - it's all good, lol.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 09-18-2011 - 5:51pm
Why don't you ask some of these married acquaintances of yours to fix you up with some of their single friends?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 09-18-2011 - 10:43pm

Guy #2 sounds like a creep to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Mon, 09-19-2011 - 12:01am

CFK makes a GREAT point here!

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 09-19-2011 - 3:59am

YES it is. He is telling the truth!