when dating, how often do you talk??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
when dating, how often do you talk??
5
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 11:49pm
When you are first dating someone, how often do you talk to them (phone, text, e-mail, whatever) or see them in any given week?
I ask this because I have been dating this guy for ONE MONTH now....and we have been out maybe 1-2 times a week, maximum.
We harly EVER talk on the phone (maybe once a week for a few minutes, to plan the date) and he we will MAYBE text message a couple times back and forth once every few days. Maybe like 3 times in a week total.
He told me a couple weeks ago that he doesn't like/isn't good at talking on the phone, so that's why he doesn't call. But now that we have been dating for a month, and we have been intimate, I feel that we should be talking a bit more! We both agreed to go "slow" when we first met, but this is WAYYYY slow for me.
When we see eachother, he is great...but in the times apart, it seems he doesn't even miss me!!
If he really missed me, wouldn't he call/text? And I'm not expecting him to call and talk for hours--just a few minutes to check in.
And I know that we are still just "dating"-- at least neither one of us has initiated the "where is this going?" talk yet, and I don't want to be too forward and scare him off! I would rather let him pursue me...that's also why I haven't called him! I do occassionally text him first though!
My question is: when you have been dating for a month, how often should you talk to/see the person? Is he not very interested or what? I just wish he would show more interest and call/text me more. How can I tell if a man is TRULY interested in me?
any responses appreciated-
THANKS in advance!
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 12:05am
Some people aren't phone people. I am one of them. If I make a call, I get right to the point and then I'm off of there. I think once a week is probably fine if you have just begun seeing the guy. Sometimes I wouldn't speak to someone who I was casually seeing for up to two weeks. One month isn't long, perhaps his calls will pick up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 9:54am

This is a hard question to answer because EVERYONE is different - both men and women.

I would say that *generally* men really don't like to talk on the phone. They view the telephone as more of a device to transmit specific information, i.e., setting up a date, whereas women see talking about their day, what they saw on television, the article they read in the paper, as a way to get closer to someone. And men usually don't see it that way.

If you would like more communication you're probably going to have to specifically spell it out for him. In addition, YOU should also be picking up the phone once in a while to call HIM (not texting - that doesn't count). I know you want to be pursued but dating is a two-way street so you have to meet him halfway here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 11:38am

For me if I am dating someone I would like to hear from them every few days. I do not need to talk to someone every day that would be annoying to me. But every 3 days would be fine.

If you need more contact than you need to talk to him about it.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 1:51pm

like everyone has said, i think the amount of contact needed varies for different people. for quite a long time, my bf was pretty low-contact, like yours. (though, in the very beginning we had some of those all-night conversations on the phone). so i was hurt that he didn't feel the need to call me more often, and would fret about it a lot. eventually, when i felt more secure with him, i just started calling him when i wanted to, and surprisingly, he's followed suit. we certainly don't call every 20 minutes, but now it's not unusual for us to talk on the phone every day.

i think maybe it just depends on what you're really looking for. maybe you could settle into the low-contact routine, or try to up the contact yourself. i wouldn't just try to talk him into it, though. i remember once complaining to my bf that he didn't call, saying maybe he didn't want to talk with me. he said, no, of course he loved talking with me, very emphatically, but he didn't call any more often than before :)

maybe just try to mentally separate the number of calls from how much he likes you for a little while. minus the calls, would you say he really digs you? if so, maybe his low-contact nature would be worth putting up with. one plus with low-contact is that it makes all contact very exciting!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 8:55pm
I would agree 100% that everyone is different. I've been seening my guy for a little over two months and I'm quite surprised that we talk every day, ever since the first time he called me. Granted, we work completely opposite schedules and it's only maybe 20 minutes each day during the week and we only go on one date a week, but it works for us. Whatever works for you and the two of you...