When is a favor a favor vs taking advantage?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
When is a favor a favor vs taking advantage?
Sun, 06-30-2013 - 6:18pm

Because I have a hard time deciphering between the two.  Usually, and I'm not proud to admit this, but my first reaction is to say no because I don't want to be put out or be taken advantage of . . . Sometimes after I've thought it through, I feel guilty.  I swear I need a reference book on ettiquette.  I also need to train myself to say: "Let me get back to you." instead of trying to give an answer on the spot.

What's your first reaction when someone asks for a favor?  Not so much monetarily but something you just don't want to do?  I think maybe I've gotten a little selfish in my old age.  If my family needs me, it's different but otherwise I just don't seem as compliant as in the past.  Anyone else see changes in your personality as you have aged (and not always for the better) ?  Could this be a casualty of being single for so long (forgetting about compromise) ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 06-30-2013 - 6:24pm

I can't really say that I have a lot of people (outside of kids) asking me for favors.  But I think with kids, you also learn to say no to things too.  lol  I just think if you really don't want to do something & it makes you feel like someone is taking advantage (like that person never does anything for you) then just say no.  You should do things because you want to, not out of guilt.  If you really volunteer to do nice things for others then it makes you feel good.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 06-30-2013 - 7:20pm

I usually consider if it's something they really need me to do, or if it's just that they would rather inconvenience me instead of themselves. 

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Mon, 07-01-2013 - 10:54am

Most of my life I have been a people pleaser so usually said "yes" when someone asked me to do something.  As I get older, though, i am starting to refuse.  I think it has to do with being more self-aware and learning to set some boundaries for myself.  I don't think you need to feel guilty for refusing a request, although I usually do too.