Since when has it been sex or nothing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2006
Since when has it been sex or nothing...
9
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 8:25pm
I have only recently joined the singles scene after being in two long term relationships for the past 8 years. I have started dating casually because I don't want to get involved in something so serious again. I am enjoying single life, and gaining more of a sense of who I am. However, all the guys I have met- have been immature and disrespectful to say the least. I am 25 and I feel like I am in junior high all over again. First guy I was dating for a few weeks, told his roommate to look at me when I didn't have my shirt on...nice right. Then this last guy, basically knew me for a month, everything was going well, great conversation, same political view points, excellent chemistry, then...he told me he couldn't wait any longer for sex....he "values it greatly in a relationship". Oh I guess I am not a person, just a vagina right...So pathetic. Are there any normal 25 yr old guys out there? I think I might need to start dating older guys...but for some reason I don't feel like they get any better...is this the new norm? is sex required after a month of dating? ...fill me in


Edited 12/6/2006 8:29 pm ET by gowomen
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 10:43am
I think it depends on who you date. Where are you meeting these winners? Try asking some of you more mature friends to set you up with like individuals.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 10:59am

Weird that you would say that. I also know a girl that was dumped for not giving up the sex within one month of dating. I don't know how old the guy was but we all agreed that it was ridiculous.

I wish I had better perspectives but it does seem like many 20-something guys just aren't yet ready fot real relationships and many are still stuck in their college, frat-boy, hooking up phase. I know 28 year olds that still act like this, get wasted evey weekend and still don't own real furniture. You know how they say 30 is the new 20, well I think 20's have become the new teens.

As for the older guys, I usually don't meet many but I've gotten the same respones from some guys in their early 30s, still not ready for anything substantial.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 1:40pm

I can attest that there are plenty of guys in their 40s and 50s who are not willing to wait more than a few dates for sex so I don't think it's just an age thing. And there are (apparently) plenty of women willing to offer it so if that's what they want, they can find it.

But thankfully there are at least some guys out there who are willing to wait and who want more than just sex. They are just fewer and farther between.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 1:42pm
Way to be the bearer of bad news. I was hoping it would get better with age.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 1:47pm

Sorry!

There may be a moment when guys are in their late 20s or early to mid 30s or so when they tip towards wanting a relationship more than they want just sex, but by the time they are my age, most of them have done the marriage thing and they just want to have fun.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 7:07pm
Sheri is right on! Age makes no difference! I'm in my 50's and can't tell you how many guys I've dated in their 40-50's and want to know "how many more dates before we have sex"! They never grow up when their only goal in life is self fulfillment and self satisfaction! Just the facts, sorry!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 11:32am
I'm telling you from my own experience, if you aren't looking to jump back into a serious relationship then what are you looking for. I think it's going to be close to impossible for you to find a guy that wants to casually date you without the so called "benefits". In my opinion, if you aren't looking for a serious relationship, the most that you can hope for is a good guy friend. Guys really do make great friends and they said that the best relationships start out as friendships. Good luck with everything!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 12:22pm

Well, first I APPLAUD you for your self esteem--- I can't tell you how many women seem to fall for this BS and then complain "well I slept with him why aren't we in a commitment?"

Secondly, what I have learned (I am 34) is the guys who are wired that way WANT relationships--- and the other ones (too many of those unfortunately!) they don't and struggle with it. My brother for one, ALWAYS has wanted to be in a committed relationship (he's 27)--- and he complains too many girls just want to have fun! Then there are people like my brother-in-law who saw no need to have a committed relationship until he turned 40 (and met my sister), so its how you are "wired" in my opinion.

But I remember in my 20's some guy I met who said the same bs "I am SO ready to ahve sex"--- nevermind that he wasn't ready for much else. When I didn't put out--- he left--- and now I kick myself for not telling him what a JERK he was.

You might want to try and date men who are a little older--- maybe 28-30-- they might be what you are looking for--- but keep your head up and self esteem in tact and you WILL find what you are looking for!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:25pm

There are guys out there who are willing to wait, I found one, he's 30 years old and he's not a jerk!

But I know what you mean. When I was looking, I ran into the same type of guy. Even online before we even met the guys would ask me for sex! When women are all too willing to just throw it out there like that, they make it harder for the rest of the women who are not like that.

It's simple, men are expecting sex because it's just so easy to get from many women at any given time. Just peruse through these boards and you'll see what I'm talking about every time.




Edited 12/13/2006 3:05 pm ET by ivil_mami25