when it rains it pours!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
when it rains it pours!
3
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 5:19am
wow.

okay, so y'all know i started dating someone a week ago...

i went out with a buddy tonight, and... would you believe it: i met someone new!

never in my life have i dated more than one person at a time and i'm feeling some guilt issues. i haven't led anyone on. in fact, things seem to be tailing off with girl 1 after only 3 dates. yet, something about this causes my stomach to churl uncomfortably.

someone help me here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 9:27am
Hi,

Relax. Really, it's okay. I know how you feel, b/c until I started online dating (almost a year ago), I too had never dated more than one person at a time. Now, I have no qualms about doing so unless and until I have agreed to be exclusive w/someone (which for me also means before we are intimate - I can't be sleeping w/one person and still dating others). Just don't actively mislead anyone into thinking they're the only one you're dating - if the topic comes up, be honest about it.

Just be honest about it, and you've done absolutely nothing wrong. Oh, and my two cents - if you're dating multiple people, don't sleep w/any of them. I can't speak for all women, but I know that I and most women I know assume (if not outright ask him - which is of course the better way) that if we're sleeping w/a guy, he not be seeing others. If she sleeps w/you and then finds out you're seeing others, she almost certainly will be very hurt.

And hey, isn't it a great ego-boost when you have multiple people interested in you at the same time? Enjoy it! :-)

ginger

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-05-2003 - 11:15am
thanks ginger!

you wrote things that i completely agree with mentally. i guess i just need time to let my emotional side catch up!

and yeah... its a really nice ego boost. i keep thinking: why did i have so much trouble finding dates before? it seems so easy now!

i'll definitely be honest about this. i want to know, though: should i bring the topic up myself?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 10:19am
Hi,

tee hee, I think it's like the thing about it being easier to find a job when you already have one - easier to find dates when you are actively dating. I think it has something to do w/self-confidence and lack of desperation. Whatever it is, go with it! :-)

As for whether to bring up the topic - I usually don't, but then I have tendencies to avoid difficult conversations (I'm working on it!) so you might not want to listen to me. I just leave it be unless he asks, in which case I am honest - if I'm not ready to be exclusive, I say so, and if I am, then woo hoo! :-) (I did recently ask my current bf if he wanted to be exclusive though, and he said yes! :-) For me, it's easier to bring up the issue of wanting to be exclusive (b/c that says I really like you) than the issue of wanting to date other people (which says I sorta like you, but I'm not sure). Just my twisted little viewpoint . . . :-)

ginger