When is a kiss more than just a kiss?
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| Wed, 05-30-2007 - 3:38pm |
I'm 22, and my friends are a mix of college-aged and recent grads (I'm a recent grad who works at the college I got my degree from). I'm recently out of a 3-year live-in relationship, so the dating world seems kind of foreign to me again. I
n the twenty-something world right now, it seems like a kiss could mean anything from "I really like you" to "I want to hook up." I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing (hey, kissing is fun!) but if a person that you're interested in actually dating kisses you, it's not like the movies- a kiss doesn't necessarily mean they're interested in anything more than a physical relationship.
Is there a trick to knowing the difference? I know that asking would work, but I'm looking for something a bit more subtle than that.

You're young, so I guess your naivetivity can be forgiven somewhat, but no, there is no "magical" kiss where you "just know."
In addition, there is no such thing as being subtle with men. They don't get it. You have to beat them over the head with a brick and you'll have to ASK the guy what he wants - and even then, you can't always believe the answer. Everything has to be taken with a grain of salt. Watch the actions, not the words.
Here's what someone told me: Girls think clearly BEFORE sex. Guys think clearly AFTER sex. So in other words, if you're in doubt at all, don't do it.
Lol, I'm sorry if I wasn't clear- it wasn't the kiss I was asking about, it was what sort of actions to look for to tell if it was an "I'm interested in hooking up" or an "I'm interested in dating you" kind of kiss.
A kiss can be good or bad regardless of what it means- I just can't quite quantify how to tell by the guy in question's actions whether it was just a kiss, or whether he's as interested in me as I am in him. And I'm not considering having sex with him (at least not until it's a very established, committed, serious relationship WAY down the road)- just trying to figure out if I should get my hopes up and risk getting hurt because I really do like this guy, and he's a friend whose friendship I value regardless of whether or not a relationship comes out of it.
>it was what sort of actions to look for to tell if it was an "I'm interested in hooking up" or an "I'm interested in dating you" kind of kiss.<
Well, the actions to look for are things like: does he call you and set up dates, or does he call you at the last minute to "hang out." Hanging out is more along the lines of hook ups. Or FWB.
If it's in the early stages, like it sounds, it would almost be to your benefit to MAKE him date you and see how he reacts to it. I'm not talking about making him take you to the most expensive restaurant in town, but setting things up in advance and see how he takes it.
*I* always took that as if to mean he really does want to see me versus he's not got anything better to do.
There are still no specific actions that will tell you for sure. You almost just have to ask him.
Hope this helps out a little.
I agree.
I am a 46 year old guy . . .and I dont know if I was this way at 20 somthing, but this might help. Hugs, or a light kiss for a friend . .. my hand will be on an arm or shoulder, very light and clearly not threatning.
Intrested . . .possible the neck or waste . . .a little risk . . .and even if on an arm will "linger" just a little . . . or even just slowly drop my hand down and touch her hand for a moment. . . again a little risk to see if the girls reaction is comfortable or if she behaves as if her personal space was invaded. And look only once if he is a good guy, invading that space often is simply called grouping. (-:
The one girls advice about hitting us over the head is not so bad. (-:
Anyway . . .not 100% . . .but might be helpful.
Edited 5/30/2007 5:39 pm ET by singingpixie
In my experience, if the first kiss: 1) happens while drunk at a nightclub or 2) leads immediately to groping and clothes ripping, then it usually means he's after sex and not much else. If it happens at the end of a real date (just the two of you out in public somewhere) and is passionate but not R-rated, then it may mean he wants to know you better.
Not a hard and fast rule of course, just from my experience. :)
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Important information. You have known him for years. So . . . was it a moment of passion, or a “shift in relationship”? Different question kid.
Back ground to assist with my take . . . former Marine, and way to many male dominated jobs. . To keep it short. So in “my own” time I prefer the company of woman to men, period. I have a few very close female friends.
As such I advice the blunt approach. A “moment of passion” can result in the loss of a very good friend. Ask him what was going own, be honest if he is the type who will also be . . . and let him know you are ready for “the next step” if he is serious, but would hate to risk your friendship otherwise. Remember after a “relationship” . . whatever is said, the I am not happy here part is felt my somebody and it is painful to the other . . . it is not always possible to go back to being friends.
I will not speak for all guys, but for me, I have very close friendships I would not want to toss away for one night of fun. Times come when it is tempting, even possible . . but I never cross the line if it is kind of clear I would not be around long after . . . sex is not hard to find, good friends are. (-:
As he is someone you have a long background with, trust him with the conversation