When you know there won't be a 2nd date
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When you know there won't be a 2nd date
| Mon, 02-06-2006 - 9:57pm |
...5 minutes in to the 1st date, what do you do? Do you say something during the date? At the end of the date? Wait until he calls you for date #2? And what if he goes to kiss you at the end of the date...do you just go for a hug instead?
I'm trying to develop a fool proof exit strategy...

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At the end of date one, I usually say, "it was really nice to meet you," and then shake his hand. Don't leave it open ended by saying you'll see him later, or call, or anything.
The handshake usually makes it clear that there's no spark. :) I'll hug a guy on a first date if I think I like him, and I only kiss on a first date if I really dig the guy.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
There is no 'fool proof' way of getting out of a second date. Have you forgotten? You are on a date with a fool. As much as I usually like tallgirl's observations, I have to mildly disagree with one part. A handshake doesn't always make it clear you aren't interested. A guy can easily explain that away as a woman that likes to take things slowly at first. He may have had a great time and want to see you again. A handshake may not change his mind about that. I agree - avoid a kiss if you want to never see him again.
I think the ultimate answer, as it is so often around here and in the real world - communication. "It was nice to finally meet you. We are obviously looking for different things. I hope you have a lot of luck finding that perfect lady for you. Now please get your hand off my butt!" Heck, it ain't perfect, but I am pretty sure even I would get that message. Sure, the tears would come later, but at least she got out of there before them came. ;)
So much easier said than done, sadly. That's why people more often than not just end up playing the stupid game of not calling or e-mailing back.
(Which, I admit, is what I did to the last guy I shook hands with after a first date. You're right - he didn't take the hint. No, I'm not proud of not returning his e-mail.)
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I am curious on why you could not reply the email saying that you are not interested? not compatible? looking for different things? or.. whatever the appropriate phrase?
I find that the Internet is another way we do NOT communicate. I have come to accept a non-response as a "no" but it still bothers me.
Mark
Mark, for myself, I can only say I don't send those emails because I *HATE*, hate, hate getting them, so I would never want to inflict that on someone. I don't think I can fully express how MUCH I hate "thanks but no thanks" emails...I would SO much rather have no response than get one of those!!! I would MUCH rather infer from his silence that he's not interested than actually hear that he's not. And I know I'm far from the only woman who feels this way. So, that may be why at least some other women don't send them...because we're trying to treat others as we would like to be treated.
Now, I'm talking about someone you either haven't met yet or have only had 1-2 dates with, not someone you've gone out with at least a few times. In the latter situation, it's rude not to say anything.
Sheri
Men cry?
It bothers me too, Mark. Not because my ego is bruised but because it is just rude. I had a drink with a friend of mine last night that I have not seen in months. We were both talking about match.com and how we both just don't have luck with it. Our experiences are quite similar. I get a lot of first emails and I always reply even if it is to say thank you for the email but I just think that we are not going to be compatible. But I am really surprised at how many times a man has emailed me, I have emailed back expressing interest, and then never heard from him again.
I mean, why bother with that first email if you have no intention of actually communicating? And, if you have met someone else or realized that something was not right, why not be an adult about it and write back? Is it because men think that we are all fragile and cannot handle the truth? Is it cowardice and a wish to avoid any conflict or confrontation? Laziness? Or is it because, unfortunately, too many women do things like email a man or give him their phone number even though they are not interested and so men have become jaded?
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