When you're not ready to sleep with him...

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
When you're not ready to sleep with him...
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 5:05pm

No, I'm not facing this dilemma at the moment, but I ran across this article and it resonated with me. In part she says:

NOBODY should feel, whether it's from their own pressure or another person's that they have to "secure" further interest and dates with sex. 


...the type of person who goes from super-interested to crickets / unable to be pinned down to a date and time for the next get-together, is someone who carries on as if getting to know someone is a commitment in itself.

...Dating is a discovery phase – you might discover on a few more dates that you don’t want to proceed. And you know what? I’m going to say it: I suspect that in some cases it’s the fact that you might get to know them further and not want to proceed why they try to push the sex issue earlier on.

...It’s like “I’m on the clock here! We’ve had three dates and if I don’t get my ‘medicine’, I’m gonna start to feel like I’m wasting my time here!” 

...[also loved this re: OLD] *Note, you will meet more bailers and faders if you’re dating online. Hide of rhino needed and Columbo skills. 



Perhaps it sounds corny to some people, but I really do need to get to know someone pretty well before I have sex with them. And heaven forbid, that might actually take more than three dates. I'm not interested in superficial--I want way more than that. It's like that beautiful scene in The Fisher King when the Robin Williams character assures the Amanda Plummer character that he doesn't want to come up for coffee after he's walked her home (although she assumed he wanted to have sex that night) and tells her that the getting to know her is the best part, that he wants to savor this beginning, adding that he is very attracted to her. Look it up on YouTube.

Anyway, just my thoughts on a Monday afternoon.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Sat, 11-10-2012 - 12:23pm

Interesting. Julia and Rocklady said they're twins. Must be separated at birth because Julia is English and Rocklady is German (at least that what they claim to be). It's easy to hide behind a faceless online identity but at times things get lose at the edge.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2012
Tue, 11-13-2012 - 7:37am

To be or not to be ,it's a question.

we should do what we guess and listen to head.sometime is body .