Where to go from great first date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Where to go from great first date?
8
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 9:28am
I went on a really nice first date last night. The man brought me flowers (!!) opened doors for me, paid for dinner and was absolutely the perfect gentelman (amazing I know!). We had a great conversation and we definitely got along really well. I am not too sure that I could really like him, it could go either way (not really my type but my type never works out).

My question is, do I e-mail him this morning to say thank you and let him know I am interested and that I think that we should go out again or do I let things just be and if he e-mails me then we go out again and if not, then we don't? I am curious to know if anyone was iffy on their first date with someone then went out again and liked them more? So basically, need adivce on where to go from here.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 10:43am
I think it would be very appropriate to call him or e-mail him and thank him and let him know that you had a very nice time. You said said he isn't really your type but how do you know unless you get to know him a little better? I would leave it open to him. If he invites you out again after you thanked him than great if not then you weren't too hopeful anyway. It never hurts to get to know someone and heck, maybe you'll get a great friend out of the deal. Good Luck.

Chloe
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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 11:02am

Did you thank him for a lovely evening and/or for dinner while you were on the date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 11:21am
Yes! My first date w/my current bf - I thought he was nice, polite, and funny, but romantically I was totally on the fence about him. But he kept me laughing, so I agreed to a second date. Second date - I was still sort of on the fence, but started liking him a bit. After a couple more dates I started really liking him, and now I'm in love w/him.

I think that if you are completely unattracted to the guy and know you never will be interested, then don't go out w/him again, but if you're not sure - why not give it a chance? Esp since your "type" never works out - maybe it's time to try something different?

As far as emailing . . . if you want to send him an email to say thanks, I think that's a great idea. Personally, I wouldn't ask him for date #2 - I'd let him ask me. But go with whatever you feel comfortable doing.

Good luck! :-)

ginger


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 11:27am
Thanks. Well I definitely thanked him last night but thanked him again in an e-mail I just sent this morning. I took out the part of asking him out again and just said thanks and I had a nice time. So if he wants he can ask me out again and if not then no big deal. Thanks for everyone's advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 1:22pm
I am sure you said thank you on the date and all you need to do is wait for him to call you and ask you out - especially since you're iffy - I called someone after a first date because I was really into him and he said something confusing at the end - I called and we ended up going out again (he basically did the asking) and I knew - that I had made the wrong move - I should have let him do the pursuing - if I had, he likely would not have called right away, might have called several days later to make a casual plan and then I would have known for sure he wasn't that interested. See the 80 somnewhat responses below to pursuing men - no I don't want that thread to continue for now, LOL.

Yes I know of many examples where attraction grows in the first few dates and no I don't find it amazing that he brought you flowers, dinner and acted like a gentleman - that is just basic nice and good manners - I don't "expect" flowers or any gift but - acting like a gentleman, choosing a restaurant - that's pretty standard for what I expect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 2:03pm
Ideally, he'd have asked you for #2 date on your doorstep after #1 date.

Since he didn't, the ball is in his court. For all you know, he could be dating around and has other "engagements" and you were 1 of them. I'm not being sour or anything, but that COULD be the case. As it should be w/you too; til you're exclusive, you're both still free agents.

Personally, I wouldn't email him; that's too much like "pursuing" to me. I STILL feel he has to be the initiator, especially at the start of anything. Meanwhile, you should keep your horizons open as well; don't act as if you've got this "live prey" before you that you'll die w/out if he doesn't call back.

Although I also feel that, if he takes TOO long to call back, he could possibly be too popular--and I for one don't like to "get lost in traffic," so he can be otherwise engaged someplace else and leave me to my own devices (so to speak!). If he didn't call back til, say, 3 wks later--but he told you his mother passed away and he left town but didn't have time to tell you--that's excusable (and indeed, that's what happened w/XH).

Lean back, chill out, and go about your life. If he's interested, he'll let you know. Believe that there will always be a bus next hour.

Ash

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 2:09pm
In case anyone was interested:

Well, I heard back from my "thanking" e-mail to the guy and he was really nice and said he too had a nice time. Blah blah blah...but didn't say anything about going out again. I will take the advice to just wait. And since I didn't really know how I felt about him, I am not too bothered. Thanks for all of your advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2002
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 9:01pm
I'm so in love at the moment, but had you told me when I first met him 8 months ago that I would feel this way, I probably wouldn't have believed you. Not because I didn't feel any chemistry during that first meeting. I did. But I thought he was too old for me and maybe a little too worldly for me as well. I was wrong. You should give it a chance.

I wouldn't call him, by the way. I would wait for him to make the next move. If you thanked him last night, there's no need to do it again by phone. He'll either call or not. I hope he does!

Good luck,

Ava