Where have all the good men gone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2005
Where have all the good men gone?
4
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 11:45am
I've heard this question asked repeatedly over the past few years. I will try to give an honest answer, even though it may rankle most of you. I don't post this to make you angry or to provoke a fight, but rather to give some insight to the dilemma. I think the answer to the question is that there is a perception among men in this country that women have become too self-centered to have much of anything to offer. Now I know this sounds harsh, so I would like to qualify that statement by saying that it is not completely supported by reality. However, perception is often reality. The more horror stories we hear about divorces instigated by women who left their husbands when times got tough, the child custody stories that separated men from their children, the message from the media that men should always put a woman's needs before his own, etc. Sunconsiously or consiously, men are looking for their own identity outside of the influence of women. We want to feel like men again, without a woman telling us how we should act or what we should be. On the other hand, some men have just become too tired and jaded by women who have walked all over them for most of their lives. To sum up, I think the answer to your question has to do with the perception that men have of women in today's world...
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 11:36pm

I think the answer to the question is that there is a perception among men in this country that women have become too self-centered to have much of anything to offer.


Self-centered how?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 3:04am
Amen, cl-shywon could not have said it any better. There are good women who don't walk all over men (such as many on this board it seems) but we are also looking for equally good men, as we should be. We are worth good men and there are men who step all over women too as well, treat us like dirt, put us as a low priority on their list under work and hobbies and friends, decide that they are not into us as much as they were to begin with after the chase is over then start pulling away because they don't want to make a commitment, cheat on us, decide that they don't want to put in the effort to communicate and help work on things to maintain a relationship so leave us to do all the work in that dept. Please, there are just as many if not more instances where the women get treated like dirt by men just like there are men who get treated like dirt by women.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 9:33am

ITA with shywon & biochic.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Sat, 10-01-2005 - 7:00pm
I think this is BS. Personally, I think that everyone, man or woman, has been screwed over, hurt, blindsided, etc by someone at some point in their life - some people many times. But isn't life all about learning and growing? Why do so many people (men and women) hold on to the past? The whole thing about "oh, one chick/guy hurt me, so now I'm going to go out and screw all these women over just to get back at her!" Well, I've got news for you - you're only hurting yourself if you do that, you sure as hell aren't hurting him or her. If you don't live your life to the fullest and be willing to open yourself up to love and potential hurt - then what are you really gaining?
Self - centered? what, are there not any MEN who are completely self-centered out there? This whole post is a generalization - you are lumping all women into one group and that's not fair, because I know you know damn well that there are just as many men out there who are totally into themselves and don't give a crap about who they hurt, just as there are women like that. It's PEOPLE, not one particular sex. Get over it, let it go. Live your life, be happy with yourself and forget about the people who are "self-centered". I mean, are you telling me that there isn't a single woman out there who hasn't been walked all over by a man? PLEASE!! by the way, I'm divorced and my XH made the decision to walk out of my marriage "when times got tough" without trying to work on it because he didn't want to look at himself and admit that there was anything wrong with him. It just makes me mad that people generalize like this.