Whew! That was a CLOSE one!
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| Thu, 03-29-2007 - 12:41am |
I have determined that I am absolutely CRAZY! Oh boy, the man who ends up with me is in for a real adventure. {{{note sarcasm}}}
I've convinced myself that my new guy is a jerk, even though he has done nothing to earn that title. He is ultra nice, quotes bible scripture, treats me with respect, calls me all the time (but not too much) and always makes sure I know he's attracted to me and that he wants to be with me. However, I always seem to find a way to accuse him of lying, sleeping around and being a general a$$. Of course, I don't accuse him to his face, just within the ramblings of my own imagination, which has been going wild lately. But at least he thinks I'm normal. For now, anyway.
Tonight I was going to go to his house to pick something up, but he hesitated when I called to solidify plans. He had other plans with friends in the early evening that I knew about, and I know these friends so it's all true (I was there when the plans were made). I had my own separate plans, so I told him to call me when he was done with his and we'd figure it out. Make sense??
Me, being psycho and all, focused on only his initial hesitation and off my imagination went. I convinced myself that he was with another girl, that he was probably sleeping with her too and his whole plan was to just sleep with as many women as possible. Then, when he didn't call when **I** expected him to (he never gave me a time, I assumed)I thought that I must be right and he was on another date. So I booted up my computer, ready to send him a curt, but not too terribly psychotic email. I was just going to say "I need to pick up ________. I'll be there _________ at ___________. Let me know if that works for you. Hope you had fun tonight." But I'm sure in my anger I would have written more snotty things.
First of all, when I booted up my computer it got hung up for some reason, which never happens, so it took about 5 extra minutes to get it going. Then just as I started to type the email, my phone rang. It was him and he was so excited about his evening that he couln't wait to call me to tell me about it. He was so cute, going on and on about what he and his friends did and how much fun he had. And it was still early, so he asked if I was still going to come over. I had already taken my makeup off, so I told him it was a bit too late and so we made other plans. Don't I feel like a dumb a$$ and THANK GOD for that glitch in booting up my computer. Whew!
This isn't the first time this has happened. I keep letting my imagination get me so worked up and it is only a matter of time before a little computer glitch no longer keeps me from letting him see my craziness. How do I turn it off? Yes, I've been hurt. I've been lied to. But this is ridiculous. He has done nothing to earn my harsh judgment :( And we aren't even exclusive, so why am I getting so uptight about the prospect of him dating other women??? I've already decided I'm not having sex with him again until we are exclusive, so what's it to me? I'm the one declaring to myself that I don't want a commitment.
This is why sex screws everything up, because I don't have a commitment and don't want one, but now we've had sex and the emotions are there anyway.

It's tough to keep those voices at bay, isn't it? I've never caught a beau cheating but I have caught one lying and in a place where he had no business being so I can relate.
Stay away from the computer when you're angry. If you must, compose an email but put it in a draft folder. I've gotten myself into a lot of trouble there. It's instant gratification but unfortunately, it's also irreversible.
I'm glad everything worked in your favor.
I know how you feel.
It's good to rethink things before you say it, try to calm your emotions, and really think about the rationality of it and how it will affect the other person. Not reacting hastily is the best thing to do.
Liks Stacey, I've also freaked out a couple of times when I didn't hear from my boyfriend for the better part of the day because he is usually pretty prompt about returning phone calls or answering them right when I call, but it was usually because he didnt' have his phone on him or just talking with someone else on the other line, working out etc etc.
It's so easy to make assumptions but until we really know what's going on then we shouldn't react. At least you realize when it's getting out of control, some people don't :-)