which category would this fall under?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2011
which category would this fall under?
8
Sun, 12-11-2011 - 2:24am

Background:

1. we work for the same company but different departments so we dont see each other daily

2. only communicate through text no phone calls

3. we both hooked up with each other while we were in other relationships (i know)

4. we're now both single and hooking up & texting for a month now (he always initiates the texts)

5. we dont go out together, just to work parties

Question

1. we dont seem to be fwb because we dont hang out outside of work except for sex, or even know enough about each other to be friends...or are we?

2. is it still considered a booty call even though we text each other and keep in touch even though we're not having sex that day?

Ideally:

1. i like him... id really like to pursue a fwb relationship type where if i needed a "wedding date" i could call on him to be that male friend... my ex was extremely jealous which led me to cut off some male friendships... what worries me is that if this is a booty call i dont want to extend a friendly invitation to go out and freak him out thinking id want to date him... so... idk... its mixed signals and i think it may be too late to sit him down and dtr (define the relationship) so... if anyone has any thoughts, comments and suggestions to get to this or closely to this ideal situation... id appreciate it... thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Sun, 12-11-2011 - 6:26am
Hmmmmm, it seems to me that you are Just a booty call...he maybe likes you as something more but just getting out of a relationship he May not want another one at the moment.

So I say just take it slow and see where it heads.

When you guys hooked up while in a relationship , did you talk about what you guys getting into?
~jeSsa~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Sun, 12-11-2011 - 9:27am
Sounds like you developed a dynamic based on secrecy because you hooked up while involved with others and it hasn't changed. Unless he decides to take you out of the booty call category, there really isn't much you can do because he's a guy. I would just cut my losses and move on. You're single, you don't have tolerate being a bootycall if you don't want to. Honestly, in this situation, since he's a guy, he has to make te first step. The only thing you can do is walk away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 12-11-2011 - 9:46am

I agree .. It seems he as the guy is getting all of his needs and wants met and not sure if you are getting your needs met with him.
What I call that is two people on different pages ..

I would cut the losses and move on before you lose your whole real authentic self in this..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2011
Sun, 12-11-2011 - 12:49pm

thanks for the replies everyone... in all honesty a booty call is all i need right now (whew)... since im busy with school and work... my last relationship lasted 5 years so i need to brush up on my rules...in addition i do need to find platonic male friends since i am like i said in need of a "wedding chaperone" sometime in march i suppose that would be the appropriate word...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Sun, 12-11-2011 - 12:55pm
Well, if that's all you want then just relax, go with the flow and live your life in the meantime. Don't focus on him and the relationship, focus on you and what makes you happy. Nothing wrong with that at all. Best wishes! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2011
Sun, 12-11-2011 - 1:00pm
at that time we agreed that no one should know about what we were doing... at that time both our partners were both sexually reserved and we both like to experiment sexually so we kind of used each other as an outlet for our bent up fantasies...
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 12-11-2011 - 2:47pm
Some scientists claim that the woman in this type of scenario really has no control over her feelings as, allegedly, there are hormones released during sex that bond the female, emotionally, to the male. My advice would be, either keep it down to a one time interaction or risk getting attached. It's basically a gamble as to whether or not the guy will ever reciprocate. My gut tells me, if you are starting to second guess the dynamic, then perhaps it's time to put an end to it before you wind up hurt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2011
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 3:50pm

Honestly, I think any relationship built on just texting isn't one that is going to last-no matter what kind it is.