Which one, timing or the girl???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Which one, timing or the girl???
7
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 12:05pm
So I have been thinking of something that I wanted to throw out to all of you. Not that any of us will have the answer, but I just wonder what the consensus is.... When two people get into a relationship and there are sparks and commonalities and everything goes well, until you get closer and the guy sabotages things and it ends. We have all had them. My take is that the guy was not ready. Either they're just out of a long term relationship or whatever the issue is. But my question is, what makes a guy ready for something more?? Is it timing or is it the girl???
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 12:44pm

I think both have to be right, but I would say that for many guys, timing is more important. The most wonderful woman in the world could come along but if a guy's not ready, he's not ready.

I think women are much more flexible about taking advantage of the fact that we've met someone great, even if the timing isn't the best.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 1:28pm

I'm pretty sure it's both. I think guys lean more toward the timing side but I don't think they're 100% ready to settle on someone that doesn't meet a majority of their "criteria" either.

This has been talked about a lot on this board in the form of: "why did he marry the next girl he dated after me so quickly? What was wrong with me?"
I think the consensus is usually something like: when a man decides he's ready to be committed and married, the next compatible person he meets is likely to complete that equation. Timing AND the girl.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 1:31pm

Yep...my friends and I call this the "next girl wins" syndrome, ha!

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 4:25pm

I think both have to be right, but in the case that you mentioned (she's great, he flakes), it's the timing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 6:37pm
It can be one or either or, quite often, both.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 3:00pm
I've had a guy not want to go out because he wasn't ready. His last girlfriend pressured him to settle down and he wasn't ready, so they broke it off. He's now thinks that all women want to get married and have babies and he's scared to death of it. One of his good friends told me that he liked me, but he's afraid of getting into another relationship so he's just not dating right now. Like he thinks he's so irresistable that I'll wanna marry him? Not likely. Geez, grow up guys! Not every woman is looking to get married. I've already done that and I have a child too. Not looking to have another child, nor another wedding.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 3:37pm

I'm always skeptical of this one because I believe it's the girl. I've just seen so many cases where the guy claims he wasn't ready, only to get ready once the very next girl came along (which was usually only months later).

I think if the girl is right, the guy will make it the time. I know I'd do the same. I also think the guy that passes up a great girl because of time is either missing out or just hasn't had his socks knocked off yet.