Who do you think "settles" for less t...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Who do you think "settles" for less t...
7
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 6:48am

Who do you think "settles" for less than they want more often?



  • Men
  • Women
  • Neither


You will be able to change your vote.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 11:36am

Do you know someone who is currently settling?

I think women do this more because we are more likely to want something long-term and our biological clocks are ticking. Men are more likely to think that something better is out there if they're in a not-great relationship and don't feel the same need/urgency to "settle."

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 6:00pm

My best friend is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 6:26pm

The hygiene part is killing me these days! It's amazing how many men out there do not know how to bathe, shave or comb their hair properly.

It's so hard to watch friends settling. I have a dear friend who is with a guy currently who treats her like complete crap, doesn't have a job, cons HER into doing manual labor for him (she helped him dig a trench for his septic system) - but she's hanging onto this guy for dear life because she's afraid he's her last chance. If he were my last chance, I'd say "Ok, fine. I'll be alone." That kind of treatment isn't worth it.

I hope your friend's fiance gets his act together or I hope your friend sees the light.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 6:49am

She's mentioned calling the wedding off because of his laziness, but I don't know that she'll do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 8:09am

We had a similar situation with one of my cousins. The five oldest girl cousins are all really close and two of the additional 4 stood up in her wedding. Her husband is a jerk and a jackass and someone who ruined his credit because of a gambling problem. We couldn't figure out why she was with him because we could all see how much better she is than that. But I don't think that SHE knew it. At any rate, they got married the summer before last and he moved out (Actually, she kicked him out) 2 months ago. Divorce in on the horizon but they have to be legally separated for 6 months first.

I hate to see her suffering and what she is going through now is not easy but it had to happen. She is in therapy and is finally seeing herself for the amazing woman that she is and I think that she had to see this awful relationship through in order to understand that it's not worth settling on less than what you deserve. A lesson learned late is better than a lesson not learned at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 3:01pm
I think men settle more--even if its unconsiously. I think men often get married when they are READY to rather than when they meet the right person. Therefore, when they are settled in their career, their friends are getting married, etc. they find a girl they think is "good" and just go for that. Since men in general don't put as much emphasis on the relationship aspect of tehir lives I don't think most are looking for their soulmate or best friend, but just someone who they like, would be a good wife and a good moom. Since many have never truly been in love they don't realize how great that is and odn't realize the difference between good and great and thus are as I calll it, unconsciously settling. If they aren't exactly compatible then the guy just spends more time with her guy friends and lets his wife do her own thing with her girl frineds--I see lots of couples like this. Women on the other hand tend to often search for a soulmat and thus settle less in my opinion.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 5:59pm

I think that just means that men have lower standards when it comes to relationships.