Who pays the bill?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2011
Who pays the bill?
15
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 11:40am
Was out on a double date with the guy I've recently started dating. My girlfriend and her date were taken aback (she told me later) when my date and I split our share of the bill. I've been doing this since we started seeing each other a month ago. He and I went out again and had a wonderful time, and I mentioned my friend's comment. His response was - "well, you and I were in the friend zone then". So I said "I wouldn't want you to pay for everything because then we wouldn't be able to go to a lot of nice places which I enjoy, but I also enjoy being treated." We have a few more dates coming up so I guess I will see what happens. As a feminist I think equal is better, as a woman I feel it's nice to be taken care of on occasion. Your thoughts ?

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 11:44am
Splitting the bill is what friends do. I prefer to take turns paying, with him taking care of the first date. I agree with your friend. I think it's odd that you always split it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 11:49am

Hi;

Wow; this is a tough one as I always talk about this kind of stuff with friends.. so I am not sure if I will give any sound advice but here goes.

I think the two people should discuss that at the beginning of dating. I mean if the guy has limited funds and he cant always pay then I dont see anything wrong with sharing the bill. Now if it becomes a bad habit then I would be concerned or if you start always paying I would be concerned.. I guess if there is mutual sharing then its okay.. Now it would also depend on where you go. I mean if you have something expensive then I would think you could both chip in. If its a bike ride with a sandwhich

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 1:12pm

My friends have been trying to convince me to let the man pay at first, like not even to offer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2011
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 3:49pm
Thanks for the input. I'm not sure that I see a big difference between taking turns (as several suggested) and splitting the bill. The dollars work out to be the same over time. To clarify, what my girlfriend thinks is that the man should pay the bill ALL the time including vacation trips and the woman, on occasion, should have the man to dinner at her place or take him out for a special occasion (like his birthday ). As terrific as that would be for me as the woman, I feel that it is a pretty unrealistic expectation and from the responses I've seen here, you guys agree. Re. my BF, as I mentioned, I discussed it with him and gave him my views. I will see what he chooses to do about it. He is planning several dates later this month for us, so I guess I will find out :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 8:10pm

This answer is nails on a chalkboard for all of us raised as feminists, but my carefully studied evaluation of the topic is this:

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 8:20pm

Back in my dating days, I let whoever issued the invition pay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 12-04-2011 - 10:48pm

Do your friends who are suggesting this actually have BFs or is this just their highly idealized vision of how things should be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 12-05-2011 - 12:04am

>>Do your friends who are suggesting this actually have BFs or is this just their highly idealized vision of how things should be? It seems to me that unless the man is really wealthy, at some point he'll feel like he's being taken advantage of or you'd end up going on a lot less dates cause he can't afford to treat all the time. This is more 1950's thinking than modern times.<<

Yes, yes, yes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 12-05-2011 - 12:11am

Yep, you're

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Mon, 12-05-2011 - 12:02pm

...friends split the bill; partners take turns; but dating, he pays for the first two or three dates.

I think I like this answer the best -- ITA.

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