Who Pays? Kissing? Back to Dating After 20 years?!

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Who Pays? Kissing? Back to Dating After 20 years?!
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Tue, 05-28-2013 - 8:34am

When asked out - do you address the who pays thing right off?   ON the date itself?   when/how?

And kissing - it sounds so dumb - but how do you go about receiving that first one & what do you do?   Im the woman, he's the man.   :oD

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010

Hi Sweettart.  I can give you the guy's answer to your question...

In regards to who is paying, it is safe to consider that he will pay.  But that doesn't mean you should just sit back and let him finance the evening.  You should definately make an offer to kick in some money at least, if not specifically covering your share, definately leaving the tip.  To what extent would be determined how casual the date is.  If you are doing something in addition to dinner, like a movie for example, let him pay for dinner and you pick up the cost of the movie. You don't want to look like a freeloader. 
And by all means, if you feel the date is going nowhere and you don't feel the chemistry for another date, DEFINATELY kick in some money.  No guy likes to be stiffed with a bad date AND the bill all in the same night. 

In terms of kissing, you need to determine if chemistry exists.  Do either of you look or feel like you're in a hurry to leave?  Are you mutually enjoying each other's company and interested in another date?  If so, then a kiss isn't a lot to expect. 

The best way to go about the goodnight kiss is let him walk you to your car, front door, or whatever the situation is.  Give him a good hug, pull away a bit with your arms still around him, look him square in the eyes (with a smile is a BIG plus), and if he's interested, he'll make the move.  If he doesn't, you make the move go in for a soft, slightly lingering kiss on the lips, but with your lips CLOSED!  No tongues!  Give him another reason to ask you out other than just your sparkling personality!  I don't know about all guys, but I know I LOVE it when women initiates the first kiss, in a classy, not whorish way.  It knocks me unexpectedly and will definately be one of the more prominent things I'm thinking about on the drive home! :-) 

Good luck!

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012

sweettartnacho wrote:
<p>When asked out - do you address the who pays thing right off?   ON the date itself?   when/how?</p><p>And kissing - it sounds so dumb - but how do you go about receiving that first one &amp; what do you do?   Im the woman, he's the man.   :oD</p><div></div>

the one who does the inviting pays... and if you're of the mind to go dutch, that is when you bring it up.

kissing: deflect it onto the cheek... kissing on the first date, unless you've knocked each other's socks off over the preceeding 2-4 hours and connected with serendipity and synchronicity, should be substituted with a quick hug.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Of course everyone has their own preferences, but I would kiss someone on the lips on the first date if there seemed to be a connection.

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006

Great answers, everyone - thanks!

In what circumstances would one address the 'who pays' thing WHEN the asking out is occurring?   or is it pretty much best when the date is going on?   and what if he continually continually insists on paying???   

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006

Great answers, everyone - thanks!

In what circumstances would one address the 'who pays' thing WHEN the asking out is occurring?   or is it pretty much best when the date is going on?   and what if he continually continually insists on paying???   

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I would never ask who pays when he is asking you out on a date--better to wait til the check comes (if you're at dinner) and then offer some money.  Or if you went to dinner & he paid but then you're going to a movie, you could say "let me get this."  If he insists on paying all the time, enjoy it.  lol  Seriously even in the old days, when men usually paid, women could reciprocate by making dinner at home or asking if the guy wanted to go to a play or concert and buying the tickets ahead of time.

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thanks ... you have some really good answers to things. Funny to be 40something.....married 20something .... and be so nervous about these things. I will take your advice abt bringing up paying more on the spot ---- and the kiss --- altho Im hoping it might just kinda naturally fall into place? I have the feeling Im making waaaaaaaaaay too big a deal about a first kiss! but I am. :) It's been a long time & this new guy makes me nervous!!!
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

 Anyone can ask out there are no rules.

The person who asks  pays

kissing if you want to

you can do what you feel

dragowoman

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
PS - Ive been over a year in divorce!
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wow, trouble signing in two days now. If you are still checking in for replies, LOL, I say whomever asks pays and if I like a guy enough I WILL kiss him on the first date. I don't know how to describe how you will know when he's wanting to kiss you, it's more of a feeling or intuition than it is reading his body language but usually, they will lean in toward you and there will be no question ;) Good luck!!

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