Who we want to be VS. Who we are

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Who we want to be VS. Who we are
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 3:48pm
This w/end my sister-in-law said, "when you have your baby" and I knew it was true. I am, someday going to have at least one child of my own. Anyone who sees me with kids can tell!

And I thought about the hassles with my sister and how would I react if my sister wanted to take my children places. Would I react out of bitterness and say no? Just for the sake of "getting her back" or would I be the person I want to be...full of forgiveness and love...and let bygones be bygones?

What situations do you find yourself in where you see do/say/react in a way that is consistent with who you are...but inconsistent with who you want to be?


Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 5:40pm
Hmmm....I think the one thing I need to work on is being more "friendly". I am friendly- I'll talk to just about anyone who talks to me first, but I just don't go out of my way. Honestly, it doesn't feel natural. Plus, I get really tired of always being the one to initate conversation with certain people who I know well. Starting conversations with strangers just seems like so much effort. I'm not that girl who talks everyone up in the grocery store. I never have been. If I talked to more people, maybe I'd have more friends, but it just feels unnatural. Part of me wants to be "that girl", and part of me really doesn't. I wanna be who I am, not someone else!

Did I make sense, or is that a jumbled mess??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 5:52pm
"What situations do you find yourself in where you see do/say/react in a way that is consistent with who you are...but inconsistent with who you want to be? "

that's easy. whenever my emotions affect the way i act.

ie. when i'm around people i don't know, when i get upset during an argument, when i'm with a large group of people, when i hit a lousy shot in golf, etc...

i wish i had a way of toning down my emotions - i find they get in the way, sometimes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 7:26pm
You already have a way of toning down your emotions and you utilize it every day in some aspect of your life.

After a long day,with lots of upheaval...do you scream, yell, curse, or throw fries at the cop that pulls you over even though you believe you didn't run the red light, not really? I doubt it - you're not in jail!

When the boss arrives in a foul mood and denigrates your report even thought it is precisely presented per his request, do you point out what an a$$ he's being? I doubt it -you're still employed.

IT's just that you've certain "facets of life" or "situations in generalized terms" where you've permitted your emotions to dictate your actions. That MIGHT stem from you not acknowledging your feelings or downplaying them in order to "make yourself act right" at the angry boss or cop on the street. Which is what has you "letting loose" in safe environments, situations, and relationships.

Always acknowledge "how you feel"...and realize there are at least 60 different separate 'emotional states'. Learn to reocngize each one.....we tend to lump them together into categories and so we're alwasy "mad, sad, or happy, or hurt"...we're rarely disgruntled, disillusioned, or remorseful, or elated - you get the idea. And then, while acknowledging how situations make you feel - realize that situations are where feelings come from. So feelings aren't facts, or goals, or to be used to determine what to do in situations to get a desired result. You've got to acknowledge the feelings, so you can address the facts logically to get a desired result if that is possible, so that your feelings turn around for the better.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 10:07am
how would i go about recognising my emotions more than i do?