First of all Stacey, sending you a HUG. I hear your hurt and confusion. Plus it must be frustrating for you.
My theory is that if I see a pattern that keeps repeating in my life then I start looking at myself to find out why. I noticed for romantic relationships that I kept hooking up with angry women. I realized that this attraction came from having a mother who is angry. I have focused and continue to focus on doing inner spiritual-psychological work to address a lot of my overall life issues. I think because of that work I believe I have resolved (more or less) attracting such women into my life in addition to other issues. First I have become more conscious of such women and second I just don't run into them anymore. I believe one of the indicators of my spiritual health is who I attract in my life.
Is it possible that you seek out guys like this because youre kinda commitment reluctant? I personally think that women do this when theyre not ready. We think we are but we're not. You might want the excitement factor more than the comfort/stability factor.
Also - stop being buddies with them! What is that guy youre into doing sleeping on your couch? Is he homeless? You should be going out on dates and he should be calling you to ask you how it went. If a guy starts yapping away about a girl for hours then excuse yourself and leave. Just say "Wow thats amazing, Im really happy for you - good luck. Hearing that really motivates me to go out and find someone for myself so... lets talk again soon ;)" and then split.
I'm sorry you're having to go through this...unrequited feelings are no fun at all.
But I think this guy is just trying to make it clear to you that he likes you as a friend and no more (hadn't you had that conversation with this particular guy before? Or am I misremembering?). If that's not something you're comfortable with then you need to do your best to distance yourself from him until you are able to get over your romantic feelings for him.
I don't know why it keeps happening but perhaps there is a lesson you haven't learned yet (How to be in that situation and not to get your hopes up, maybe?) so that's why the universe keeps putting you in these situations. I don't know...it's just a possibility I'm throwing out.
Ii've missed the personalities on these boards. So I popped in to this message board and Online Dating to see what the peeps have been up to.
You know, I feel like I can relate to what you wrote on this post. I used to say that almost everyday. I'm attracted to losers or men who weren't into me. But, ya know, that is how you learn what/who is good for you. If you didn't have all those men - you wouldn't understand what is good for you.
After being single for 4 years, I realized that all those experiences (and I had ALOT of experiences) were a journey for me. That each and every guy I dated, they were part of my journey. I learned valuable things with each guy. whether it was personality preferences with guys, or the behavior I'd accept from guys that I dated... It all taught me great lessons. Ironically, all those experiences helped me to grow and to learn about me.
All of what you've written, you have learned a lesson from. Now, its up to you to choose what you do w/ the lesson. Maybe next time a guy similiar to the guy in your post comes along, you will understand that is not for you and wont' allow yourself to even be attracted to him.
Also, what i did alot when i ran into the experiences you are having right now w/ guys... I stopped dating and just concentrated on MOI.... I realized somethign i was sending out into the universe wasn't right... since I kept attracted thse guys who weren't for me. So I took a break. Those breaks were good ,bc it let me cleanse my vibes, so to speak.... and when I went back to dating, i attracted a better bunch. Funny how that law of attraction really does exist!
Anyways, I want to tell you to hang in there. The right guy is out there for you - you have to hang in there until he finds you!
If you go to www.divaswhodine.com there is a relationship columnist called Christian Carter that explains exactly what women do to screw up their relationships. I read his column and had a "Ah-ha!" moment! Check it out: www.divaswhodine.com
I hear ya on this one. It's very frustrating. I know exactly how you feel. I tend to be attracted to the commitmentphobes and emotionally unavailable men which is something I definately have been looking at and working on. I have been doing some soul-searching to figure out why this is and trying my best to at least stop the pattern. If I run into a man that I think might seem to have those issues I walk away early on and look very carefully for red flags. What Mark said about doing some spiritual work is very good advice because when you are healed deep down inside you will start to attract and be attracted to the good men who will be there for you and care for you etc etc. I only date the "nice" guys now that appear to want what I want and be really kind caring people. I can't say that I have been attracted to any of them per say except for a couple (who of course never called me after the date). I say do some journaling, figure out why you have this attraction to the guys with issues and do your best to heal that part of you. It usually stems from an unmet need in our childhood that we are looking to solve with our love partners and VERY hard to control but the first step is becoming conciously aware of it and getting used to weeding out the wrong ones early on. We can't control who we are attracted to but we can do some inner work so that the kinds of people we attract in the future will be different......
Pages
First of all Stacey, sending you a HUG. I hear your hurt and confusion. Plus it must be frustrating for you.
My theory is that if I see a pattern that keeps repeating in my life then I start looking at myself to find out why. I noticed for romantic relationships that I kept hooking up with angry women. I realized that this attraction came from having a mother who is angry. I have focused and continue to focus on doing inner spiritual-psychological work to address a lot of my overall life issues. I think because of that work I believe I have resolved (more or less) attracting such women into my life in addition to other issues. First I have become more conscious of such women and second I just don't run into them anymore. I believe one of the indicators of my spiritual health is who I attract in my life.
Mark
Is it possible that you seek out guys like this because youre kinda commitment reluctant? I personally think that women do this when theyre not ready. We think we are but we're not. You might want the excitement factor more than the comfort/stability factor.
Also - stop being buddies with them! What is that guy youre into doing sleeping on your couch? Is he homeless? You should be going out on dates and he should be calling you to ask you how it went. If a guy starts yapping away about a girl for hours then excuse yourself and leave. Just say "Wow thats amazing, Im really happy for you - good luck. Hearing that really motivates me to go out and find someone for myself so... lets talk again soon ;)" and then split.
Well, there's more to it than that - he's not hanging out at me & my roommates' house because of me.
Hugs Stacey. I dont really have any real words of wisdom here except I understand. And I guess I'll repeat what I wrote in another thread...
Dont make someone a priority, if they'll only make you an option.
((STACEY))
I'm sorry you're having to go through this...unrequited feelings are no fun at all.
But I think this guy is just trying to make it clear to you that he likes you as a friend and no more (hadn't you had that conversation with this particular guy before? Or am I misremembering?). If that's not something you're comfortable with then you need to do your best to distance yourself from him until you are able to get over your romantic feelings for him.
I don't know why it keeps happening but perhaps there is a lesson you haven't learned yet (How to be in that situation and not to get your hopes up, maybe?) so that's why the universe keeps putting you in these situations. I don't know...it's just a possibility I'm throwing out.
Sheri
CGUN, it has been a LONG time.
Ii've missed the personalities on these boards. So I popped in to this message board and Online Dating to see what the peeps have been up to.
You know, I feel like I can relate to what you wrote on this post. I used to say that almost everyday. I'm attracted to losers or men who weren't into me. But, ya know, that is how you learn what/who is good for you. If you didn't have all those men - you wouldn't understand what is good for you.
After being single for 4 years, I realized that all those experiences (and I had ALOT of experiences) were a journey for me. That each and every guy I dated, they were part of my journey. I learned valuable things with each guy. whether it was personality preferences with guys, or the behavior I'd accept from guys that I dated... It all taught me great lessons. Ironically, all those experiences helped me to grow and to learn about me.
All of what you've written, you have learned a lesson from. Now, its up to you to choose what you do w/ the lesson. Maybe next time a guy similiar to the guy in your post comes along, you will understand that is not for you and wont' allow yourself to even be attracted to him.
Also, what i did alot when i ran into the experiences you are having right now w/ guys... I stopped dating and just concentrated on MOI.... I realized somethign i was sending out into the universe wasn't right... since I kept attracted thse guys who weren't for me. So I took a break. Those breaks were good ,bc it let me cleanse my vibes, so to speak.... and when I went back to dating, i attracted a better bunch. Funny how that law of attraction really does exist!
Anyways, I want to tell you to hang in there. The right guy is out there for you - you have to hang in there until he finds you!
Big hugs.
No, I never had
Pages