Why am I a misogynist?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Why am I a misogynist?
56
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 1:19pm

I'm tired of people telling me on this board I'm a misogynist, that I hate women, that I'm whiny, emascualted, etc. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

I'm upset that I can't get a girl to want me. I'm upset that I can barely get a single date that doesn't end anywhere, or that I can't even get a drunken hookup at a party. I feel utterly lonely and frustrated because of it. I feel let down and disappointed for all those times growing up when I tried being there for a girl hoping that she'd give herself to me one day out of appreciation and it never happened.

I came to a woman's board for insight on how women think and feel so that I can use that knowledge to hopefully learn what it takes to get a girl interested in me. Why does that make me a bad person?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 12:11am

>>>I wanted to add this thought as well...

I was also disturbed by one of your statements in a previous post... something about how you didn't see how men and women could ever be "friends" because guys scratch, burp, fart, etc., therefore they can't relate to each other.

You seem to see things in very narrow black and white. Personally speaking, my male (straight and platonic) friends would be amused by your post as well to find out that they had been reduced to nothing more than a scratching bodily function! Believe it or not, men and women have many of the same interests, and CAN share ideas in a non-sexual manner.

Obviously you see it that way, but a whole lot of people just don't and it's very odd to read a thought as such.<<<

I never said they can never share interests. I’m just saying that guys to a million things in front of each other that they will never do in front of you.

When was the last time a guy punched you in the face (in good humor) for farting in his direction, then tell how much he’d like to bang the **** out of a girl on television?

My point is that most guys feel they have to constantly censor themselves around women. We do and say things to each other that end up landing some of us in prison for assault or sexual harassment if we do or say those very same things to women. We can still go hiking or talk about books with you, but we still have to restrain ourselves from doing or saying certain things until you're gone. I see it at work all the time. 2 or 3 guys will be talking about how attractive they find a female customer, usually using very vulgar language, but once a female coworker or our female manager walks by, either the subject changes completely or their lips zip up.

I never said men and women can never share the same interests, but to trully be friends, 2 people have to feel comfortable with letting it all out (not just some of it) and also feel comfortable with the other person letting it all out. That said, how can 2 people truly be friends when one of them has to constantly censor themselves?

Edited 2/20/2007 12:15 am ET by redonculous




Edited 2/20/2007 12:16 am ET by redonculous
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 12:16am

I'm not going to waste my time going through threads but I can recall one off the top of my head where countrygirlupnorth went through the ABC's of trying to get a girl in the sack. No offense to countrygirl, she was only trying to help you. I'm just sayin' . . . you are either clearly ignoring the replies or you have some sort of mental block going on. I am personally through. It's like beating a dead horse at this point. I have no other option than to assume that you just enjoy the attention.

Anyway, you need a male tutor. You need to find yourself a Rico Suave, garner some of his stellar moves . . . honestly, I think you've exhausted your resources here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 12:30am

>>>I'm not going to waste my time going through threads but I can recall one off the top of my head where countrygirlupnorth went through the ABC's of trying to get a girl in the sack.<<<

That was the first response to "Casual Hookups." She said I had to flirt and create chemistry, but if you read, not one person told me HOW to flirt and create chemistry despite several, several requests.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 9:28am


Redonculous,

Can you describe yourself to me, absolutely honestly? Height, weight, facial features (eyes/nose/lips/ears), hair style and colour, shape of hands? Please don't say 'average','normal', 'medium', 'like everyone else', try to give me a description as detailed and specific as possible. And sorry but be prepared for what I may have to say once you've posted that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 10:23am

>This is what I don’t understand. Please, someone, tell me why SPECIFICALLY it is wrong for a male to desire a female friend?<

Where SPECIFICALLY did I, or anyone else for that matter, state that it is WRONG to desire a female friend?

Please - copy and paste it. Because NO ONE has said it's wrong.

What's WRONG is that you desire to USE friendship as a means to an end. That's not friendship and the girl is 100 percent right to turn you down for a quick roll in the hay. You've already stated specifically that you don't want to have a girlfriend. You just want to hook up casually so you don't "end up old wondering what might have been."

So your friendship, support, treating her like gold, like a queen, and so forth - is a means to an end. It means nothing, basically is what you're saying.

Furthermore, on the subject of men and women being friends - you seriously don't think that women also have to censor themselves when around men?? Would you seriously like to hear about our periods, cramps, weight gain, vaginal problems, and our monthly hormone peaks and valleys?? No, of course you don't, don't be silly.

EVERYONE in polite society has to censor themselves, in relationships or otherwise. That's just the way it is. It's part of being "civilized."

Get some guy friends, Redon. Hang out with some of the players. Learn from them. Like someone else said - you've exhausted your resources here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 11:25am

Having read some of this chap's hillarious threads, I get a feeling that his problem may just be very simple: lack of good looks. Call me shallow, but no matter how shy or lacking in experience, a stunning tall bloke WILL get his 'casual hook up' with a girl PROVIDED that this is what she too is after and that she is young free adventurous and single/in the right frame of mind/right moment in a day, month or life. Thinking back to my 'casual hook up' years when I was in my early twenties, I'd completely ignore even the most confident charmer with the best chat up lines who I didn't fancy; and actually MYSELF go after a quiet 6ft2 stunner standing in the corner being too shy to approach me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 11:51am

I agree. Actually the chat up lines were silly to me. And the best looking guy or smoothest or "bad boy" wasn't the one who I was inclined to go with. It was usually the one with the ability to be authentic. The one who could hold an intelligent conversation.

And the best "chat up" line ever given to me was "Do you want to just go back to my room and f***?" (This was of course, after regular conversation, involving what we were doing on our vacation, what we did back home, and so forth.)

No lines, no BS, no fake friendship - just right to the point. And you know what? It worked. I wasn't looking for anything and he wasn't either. And while his friend did all the dumb guy things, buying me drinks, telling me how cute my hair was, how pretty I was, and so forth, the guy who skipped the BS was the one I went with.

There's a lesson to be learned from that.




Edited 2/20/2007 12:37 pm ET by emdeesea
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 12:50pm

The reason no one has given you "how to"'s is because, as we've explained, it's "trial and error."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 6:05pm
I'd like to know why you spend so much time in front of the computer...

Pooh1972


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 6:37pm
Well, I have short, brown hair, brown eyes, I'm moderately tan. I'll admit I'm pretty short though; I'm only 5'7''. I've met several girls who are taller than me. There are a few things about my face that I'm insecure about. I'll admit I don't have the most handsome face. I have big, far-apart eyes (which I try to cover up whenever possible but not too pretentious with a pair of aviators) and a small jaw (I heard somewhere that the ideal male has the complete opposite; a big jaw and small eyes). I try to make up for it by working out and staying in shape. I don't want to brag, but I'm fairly slim and muscular. Plus, I do my best to dress stylishly. I wear a lot of American Eagle, Aeropostale, Hollister. That's about all I can tell you.