Why can't we be friends?
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 06-20-2007 - 8:50am |
I'd been spending time with a guy (both early 20s) for the past 2 months, we never put a label on it and things went really well until recently. He started being moody, usually when drinking, and gets "mad" at me for something ridiculous. The other night was apparently the last straw - I had plans to go out with a friend and at the last minute he invited me to a party at his friend's house, my friend and I agreed to stop by, stayed for an hour, and when we left he was mad that I was leaving. We argued a bit via text message (he kept saying "if we're over then that's it!") then I stopped responding so I could wait til morning when I wasn't drinking and could think more clearly about what I was saying. In the morning I texted that we should talk in person...no response. Waited a day then asked if he would talk, but still nothing from him. VERY unlike him.
I would just let it go, but he lives with one of my best guy friends, so we're bound to see each other again. So I want to send him an email saying that it's stupid not to be friends, or at least be civil to each other. I just don't want it to be awkward or for us to get into a huge blowout when we run into each other. Does this seem like a reasonable idea? I'm trying not to write too much about how I feel because I'm afraid to put myself out there.

Is he still attracted to you? I take it that you are totally over him.
Speaking from a guys perspective, if he is still into you, it will be hard for him to be friends with you.
You will probably need to do most of the 'work' to stay friends with him (i.e calling, inviting him to things).
Also, if you do remain friends, obviously you will need to remain sensitive to not making him feel bad by talking about other guys etc.
I sent the email and I can see that he read it, but he didn't respond.
I don't know if he's still attracted to me. I'm guessing not if he isn't making any effort to meet me halfway on resolving whatever happened the other night. I'm really not over him and if he wanted to try things again I would do it in a second! This is so crappy!
Well, honestly, if a guy flips out over something THAT stupid and minor, he's really not good date or friend material. But I think civility is another story and highly possible, especially given that you only dated for two months. I know it still sucks, but all I'm saying is that at least it wasn't an LTR.
I suspect he's either just a drama monger, which you'd know, has something else going on in his life, or wanted an excuse to make an exit, so to speak. I hope that's not the case, but it sounds like it could be to me. Just my two cents.
IMO, he shouldn't have flipped out like that.
I've had similar things happen with guys over the years, and I have finally determined that some guys - like a PP said - use drama as an exit strategy. He makes a big scene and gets all pissy to make it seem like it's your fault - and you're the one left feeling crappy. You did nothing wrong.
If he is going to act like a two-year old, it's not worth your time and energy to try to win back his friendship. You've done everything you can do, so I say move on.
AJ, enjoying life with C.