Why do guys say things they don't mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Why do guys say things they don't mean?
44
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 11:20am

I am throwing this out there in the vain attempt to try and understand why is it that guys say things they don't mean? This has happened to me twice in the past two weeks, I'm not even talking about a simple "I'll call you" and then they don't. I'm talking about when guys act really excited about you and say things like they can't wait to see you again, how they are definitely going to call you etc. The first guy I met at a party and we hit it off and he was saying how he was really glad that he met me and how he was definitely going to give me a call, followed by a rather passionate goodbye kiss. I went ahead and called him (over a week later just to rule out the possibility of a lost phone etc.) and left a very casual message and as of yet no call.

The second guy I met last weekend at a party and we talked for a while, he said he wanted to take me out this week and he suggested Tuesday. To my amazement he actually called me on Monday and we went out on Tuesday and had a really good time. On the way home from dinner he suggested meeting for a drink on Thursday and he said he would call me on Wednesday (last night). He even referred to future dates. Well, he never called. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't have thought twice about him not calling yet except that we had plans that he suggested and he told me he specifically would call.

I am just trying to understand why some guys do this?? Do they get a sudden bout of amnesia after you are out of their sight?? Do they become allergic to your phone number? Anyone??

Pages

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 11:25am

The best explanation I've read (and this is coming from a male author or authors) is that a lot of men tend to get caught up in the moment, and they open their mouths and let it out, rather than thinking "hmm, is someone actually going to RELY on my word, and expect me to do what I say I'm going to do?" Then when they are out of the moment, they talk themselves out of calling for whatever reason. I'm not a John Gray fan, but one of the only good things about his book Mars and Venus on a Date is his explanation of why some men don't call, so you might consider getting that from the library or something.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 12:37pm
I must admit, I agree with this message.
It seems to be true. Guys get very excited and have that "moment" when they see a girl and then it seems to dwindle down and it's like, "Oh boy, I hope she didn't take me seriously".
Why that is, I do not know.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 12:40pm
It may be that the ones who never call just weren't very interested to begin with and, don't worry, it happens to us all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 1:31pm
I don't think they would go through all the antics if they were never interested at all, I believe they may just have talked themselves out of it for whatever reason. I'm not talking about the generic "I'll call you" response and then you never hear from them, I mean the ones who are actually excited about you and go on and on about how they will call you and even suggest plans. It's really annoying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 2:51pm
I would agree with the above posts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 3:19pm

The part about that which gets me is that I don't ask them for anything in regards to when will they call or if we're going to see each other again, I can see if I put them on the spot and they said something so as not to come off as rude, but they just throw it all on the table and start blurting out stuff about how they will definitely call me or want to see me again. I don't think they do it to be vindictive or anything but there's no need to make a big production about doing something when you know you probably aren't going to do it at all. It is just really annoying and I am to the point of thinking all guys are just full of it.

I'm done ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 4:20pm
Another reason why they might not call back is that they already have a girlfriend/fiance/wife and after careful/wise consideration they back out OR they might of tried to sweet talk their way into your pants and since it didn't happen as quickly as they wanted they felt it wasn't worth it to pursue it. As we all know men sometimes talk with their other head instead of the one attached to their neck - if you know what I mean.
BABY #3!!
 
Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 5:00pm

Men dont want to be arses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 5:38pm
Just food for thought...I have avoided dating for the last while now, more concentrated on finding platonic female friends, and many, many women do the same exact thing...it is not just limited to men making plans, suggesting things, acting interested in engaging with you, and then, poof! Nothing. Women do this too...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Thu, 06-30-2005 - 6:01pm
Yes but there is a different dynamic when it is amongst friends, I have had friends do that to me as well and amongst friends it usually isn't because they've lost interest in you altogether or because they don't like you anymore. With a guy in a date/romance type of situation it is because they've lost interest in you altogether, that is what makes it confusing is because they acted just the opposite previously (making plans, promising to call etc.).

Pages