Why do I care?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Why do I care?
4
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 11:00pm

*waves* Hello ladies (and gents). I've been single for about a year now, and I have this friend and this situation, and I'm trying to understand why I care so much for someone that obviously doesn't care/respect me. We were good friends up to a few months ago. I don't know what happened/changed, but either I'm paranoid or its conicdence, or sadly I'm right. He signs off messenger within minutes of my signing in, he hardly ever replies back to me, half the time if he does reply he signs off without so much as a goodbye/gotta go and leaves me hanging.

We work together, and things between us at work are ok, but this isn't something I feel I can really bring up with him at work, not to mention the fact that I'm *terrified* to do so. Its a tie between being terrified to do so and figuratevly show my belly, and being terrified of his answer.

I know I should just let him go, but I find myself caring about this whole thing too much. Its not even like we were...anything...but he gave me a sliver of hope that I might not stay alone, and perhaps its that coziness/warm fuzzy feeling of having *someone* that I want to have back. I know in my head he and I are opposite, in every way, and that if it was anything it probably wouldn't last (point in fact proven I suppose), but logic isn't winning out here, no matter how I try.

Can someone please tell me I'm not crazy. Why do I care so much when I keep telling myself I'm better than this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 3:15am

Honestly, I think loneliness drives us to various states of mental anguish and desperation and that's what it sounds like to me. You've beeng single for a while and something about this guy got to you and now you're feeling vulnerable. There's nothing to be ashamed of--you're human. I've so been there myself.

As far as how to shake yourself out of it, sometimes meeting new, quality people can put things into perspective. Suddenly this person you were once so fixated on doesn't seem so hot anymore. Bonding with good friends always makes me feel better about myself.

Is it him you're drawn to or more the idea of having someone in your life? From your message, I don't get a sense of why you are so stuck on HIM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 10:06am

You are not crazy. You are not paranoid, something has changed. You might never get that answer, but instead of holding onto somebody who is not available, cut him off. Take my word on this....if he has not jumped and asked you out yet, then he is not interested. The longer you hold onto him, the harder it will be to get over. Cut him off and move on.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 10:40am
I agree with you.
If he hasn't asked by now, chances are he won't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2005
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:24pm

Thank you ladies. Funnily enough I was in the book store and got about the same impresion from the book I picked up (he's just not that into you...pretty funny, I may have to buy it). I think my thing with this guy is moreso because of the fact that he's the first guy in a year that's shown interest in me and I have actually been interested in as well (if that makes sense?).

I don't take rejection well, but then does anyone really?