I agree with Shy. Countrygirl, I know exactly how you feel because I swear I've been and am continuing to go through this cycle now and it does suck. I guess that's why they're called crushes, right? I can't tell you how many I've liked and I knew they liked me back but some how or another, they wind up dating/meeting someone else. You know you'lll get past it but it's right now that's hurting. I've had crushes on two guys in a row. I figured I wouldn't dwell on one guy to much so it was two and they both worked at my company but in seperate divisions from myself. Turns out both of them are leaving. How do you like that? So now I'm dealing with that double whammy. And for myself, it takes me a very long time before I like anyone else again because I'm picky. I wish I weren't, but I am. But I think that was rotten and somewhat immature of that guy to confront you on your crush on him and then not act on it and turn around and say he's dating someone else. Just sort of blowing you and your feelings off. He could have left it alone if he knew he wasn't available to you. But you're better off without him. He sounds like a jerk. It's tough. Sometimes I look at couples and wonder how did they hook up without all the b.s. Surely some of these couples started out like crushes just like you and I have on guys. Well I know it hurts because like I said, I'm dealing with my own heartbreak as well. Crushes can be nice but then on the other hand, not so nice either because you have to deal with accepting the reality that this guy probably wasn't as into me as much as I thought he was or maybe he was but somehow fate comes in and it just wasn't meant to be. Hang in there and we'll get through it.
Yes. Be happy she did tell you. Otherwise you'd still be wondering and hoping about him. I think things happen for a reason. Atleast that's how I like to look at it. When things don't work out with guys or anything in life I'll say well it wasn't to be and maybe God has something better planned for me. I remember having a fierce crush on a guy who so cute and clean shaven and I knew he liked me because he'd tell me or throw hints at me. So I was all ready to get my hopes up and then I find out that he was seriously dating a girl and they were about to become engaged. I was heartbroken to say the least. I remember when they did become engaged, I didn't feel like working the next day but I dragged myself in and did anyway. But I guess you can say that I got the last laugh because a few years later, he did end up marrying her and she's a real beauty but God father time had not been good to him at all. I saw his wedding pictures and his hair was almost gone, his teeth were yellow, eyes red as fire and sunken in and he lost so much weight that his suit was practically hanging off of him. I swear I remember thinking "Dracula and his bride". How I was meant to see those pictures, I'll never know but I did. So... Believe me. It hurts now but you're get through it and then you will be thinking, "What was I thinking? Glad that didn't work."
In a lot of ways, I think crushes are a lot more devastating than relationships because it's all about the possibility and excitement of what can happen whereas relationships are more reality based. You meet someone and it's so perfect, shiny and new but when you're in a relationship and they don't seem so perfect anymore, it's a lot easier to walk away. Obviously, when you're in your early 20's, it's easy to pick yourself up and move on but when you're in your 30's and the pickings are a lot slimmer, it's a lot harder and you don't bounce back nearly as easily.
Let me tell you a story about a crush I once had and no, I never slept with him and we weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend so yes, I can define it as a crush ... ONCE UPON A TIME, I met a guy in a different state. We met, we clicked and we spent seven out nine days together including NYE. On the first day, which was Boxing Day, we went out for twelve hours straight. He picked me up and we went to coffee, then shopping, then it was time for lunch, we went bowling and after the movies we went to dinner and then for a drive. He paid for all of the date except for the bowling. Needless to say, it was a very expensive date! On the third day, we went to the beach with his friends. On the fourth day, I went over to his house for a DVD night to meet his friends and family and slept over. Yep, crazy I know! So I stayed at his house on the fifth day for most of the day and he dropped me off home. He asked me to stay at his house for the reminder of my trip so on the seventh day (are you keeping up ladies?) which was NYE, we went out to a concert with his friends and we had a kiss at midnight. On the eighth day, he wanted me to wear an expensive dress I had brought with me and he took me out to an expensive restaurant. He was a perfect gentlemen and he made me feel like a princess ... UNTIL ... he said to me that he was going overseas in six months for two months and said he wanted to be with me, then be single overseas and then he wanted me to move to his state. Well, I was crushed on the ninth day and I didn't take the single when overseas bit very well at all. I ended up crying all day (not a good look but I'm much stronger for it :-)) and we barely spoke when he dropped me off at the airport. I thought he was very cold and unfeeling. He looked me in the eye at the airport and said without any emotion at all, I don’t think we’ll see each other again. I don't think it will come to a surprise to any of you that we stopped talking. I was very upset more so than I have been about any guy in a very LONG time. I felt we had a connection yada yada yada ... you know the drill.
Fast forward one and a half years and I sent him a text message and we start speaking again. I'd never forgotten about him. I like to be speaking terms with most of my exes because I like to leave things on a good note and it's an interesting when you get back in touch with an ex because you realise they weren't as perfect and usually not as good looking as you thought they were. Yes, we can be shallow at this point. He broke my heart! Speaking to him now, I realise that he's still a very nice guy and he's a lot of fun but when it mattered, he wasn't there for me. The sign of someone's character I believe is not when things are going right but when things are going wrong. He's very cold, isn’t very emotional and shows no empathy towards others. I've come to realise that he's a bimbo, he's not overly intelligent and he's very shallow. On his MSN contact card, he has pictures of himself with his shirt off and that's an instant turn off for me and a sure sign of insecurity. He also sent me an invitation to a night club opening and on his invitation list were a lot of females with hotmail addresses with variations of xxxxx_69@hotmail.com so he obviously enjoys being around women of questionable morals which makes me question his morals. I think he lacks class, I've lost respect for him as a person and we're very incompatible. After the relationship ended, someone I know checked out his background and it turned out that he had a two page police record including theft, gang activity, possession of a weapon, gang activity, illegal gambling etc etc ... a REAL CATCH!!! However, if I had left it at that week and hadn't got back into contact with him, I would have been mourning the loss of a potential relationship that wasn't really going to eventuate into anything on my behalf NOT HIS.
So FEISTY'S MORAL OF THE STORY IS: When a guy isn't into you, it can really be a blessing in disguise.
Feisty
P.S. I've read the posts where you've spoken about people being insulting to you. I think you're gorgeous inside and out and any man just needs to take one good look at you to realise that everything you say and do is all about making other people feel good about themselves. I have no doubt that one day that you will find the man of your dreams. You just need to remember when someone puts you down, they are really saying they are not happy with themselves and you really need to feel sorry for people like that.
P.P.S. Not every guy aspires to be with a skinny blonde (not that there is anything wrong with skinny blondes) :-)
Feisty your story was moving. And why is it that when the crush is leaving or walking out of our lives, do they have to be so cold and uncaring about it? That's how I remember that guy being. When he left, I called him up and wished him well and he was just saying "Oh Thank you and you know what that means? That's it for us". I thought but why did it have to be it? He wasn't leaving the state or country for that matter but he felt it best to finalize things so be it. I obliged. You're also right, Feisty that when you're in your 20's, you do bounce back a little quicker than you do in your 30's because let's face it. The pickings are slimmer to none. So by me losing two crushes at the same time is pretty hurtful to me. My friend keeps telling me there will be others but I don't know about that anymore because I am getting older and I know there's not alot out there particularly in my age range. So. What do I do? I'm taking up spanish to fill the void and hurt, gracias.
Aw, Stacey, I am sorry that you are feeling so crushed. We humans can take a lot of disappointment before we feel hopeless. But those hopeless moments are just so darned bleak. You are right to say that this will pass but that doesn't mean that it doesn't suck right now. Having crushes can be invigorating as long as they remain crushes. Once they wander into the realm of relationships (even just very casual friendships) by having regular interaction, they make us terribly vulnerable.
I want to give you credit for at least putting yourself out there. The crushes that I have had over the past years have led to nothing. I think that I tend to have crushes on people who are unavailable simply so that there is no chance that anything can happen. When it is someone who is available, I tend to avoid them. It's scary so I avoid it - you are braver than I am by leagues.
Ah yes, once the glow of infatuation and giddy newness of the romance wears off comes the down-to-earth reality of the day-to-day person (for both parties).
BTW I do have a picture with my shirt off on my website (not the primary photo) only because at 53 I am proud of my body for the first time in my life from a lot of hard work and careful diet. The website is intended for those who know me already.
Ugh! I know exactly how you feel. Seems like I always go for the ones that aren't into me either (except maybe this current one) and I get sick of my bad streak.
I'm seriously going to stop dating altogether if things don't work out with my current guy. I like him and want to see where it goes (and its been getting better) but outside of him, I have no interest in dating anymore.
((((((hugs)))))) And I really hope something good comes out of things very soon for you. I kmow how awful this can feel.
Big hugs. I can totally relate. I think there comes a time in everyone's life when things just pile up, and that one last disappointment is the one that sends you over the edge. It's not just this guy, but the last few guys and other life stuff that has been so disappointing.
The silver lining... I've found that, when you hit these moments in your life, it means you are on the verge of a big change and a big victory. I don't know if I can explain that well, but I'll try...
These things are all hitting you where it really hurts - they are all things important in your life: finding love, attaining financial peace, having independece (the car). It is so frustrating and painful when any of those areas aren't working out as planned. BUT, you know what you need to do for the finances, and you're doing it. You know what you want in a man, and you're looking for it. You're not hiding from life. You're living it, getting better every day, and going after your dreams.
Sometimes we just have to fall down a few times before we get it right, like when we learned to ride a bike. One of these days, and soon I think, these things will finally click. Like another poster said, you will be so much more appreciative and thankful when that happens because you know how long and hard the journey was to get there.
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Hang in there.
Countrygirl, I know exactly how you feel because I swear I've been and am continuing to go through this cycle now and it does suck. I guess that's why they're called crushes, right?
I can't tell you how many I've liked and I knew they liked me back but some how or another, they wind up dating/meeting someone else. You know you'lll get past it but it's right now that's hurting.
I've had crushes on two guys in a row. I figured I wouldn't dwell on one guy to much so it was two and they both worked at my company but in seperate divisions from myself. Turns out both of them are leaving. How do you like that? So now I'm dealing with that double whammy. And for myself, it takes me a very long time before I like anyone else again because I'm picky. I wish I weren't, but I am.
But I think that was rotten and somewhat immature of that guy to confront you on your crush on him and then not act on it and turn around and say he's dating someone else. Just sort of blowing you and your feelings off. He could have left it alone if he knew he wasn't available to you. But you're better off without him. He sounds like a jerk.
It's tough. Sometimes I look at couples and wonder how did they hook up without all the b.s. Surely some of these couples started out like crushes just like you and I have on guys. Well I know it hurts because like I said, I'm dealing with my own heartbreak as well. Crushes can be nice but then on the other hand, not so nice either because you have to deal with accepting the reality that this guy probably wasn't as into me as much as I thought he was or maybe he was but somehow fate comes in and it just wasn't meant to be.
Hang in there and we'll get through it.
Thanks guys. Shy, you're right, I know sooner or later I'll be thinking "C who???"
Otherwise you'd still be wondering and hoping about him.
I think things happen for a reason. Atleast that's how I like to look at it.
When things don't work out with guys or anything in life I'll say well it wasn't to be and maybe God has something better planned for me.
I remember having a fierce crush on a guy who so cute and clean shaven and I knew he liked me because he'd tell me or throw hints at me. So I was all ready to get my hopes up and then I find out that he was seriously dating a girl and they were about to become engaged. I was heartbroken to say the least. I remember when they did become engaged, I didn't feel like working the next day but I dragged myself in and did anyway. But I guess you can say that I got the last laugh because a few years later, he did end up marrying her and she's a real beauty but God father time had not been good to him at all. I saw his wedding pictures and his hair was almost gone, his teeth were yellow, eyes red as fire and sunken in and he lost so much weight that his suit was practically hanging off of him. I swear I remember thinking "Dracula and his bride". How I was meant to see those pictures, I'll never know but I did.
So... Believe me. It hurts now but you're get through it and then you will be thinking, "What was I thinking? Glad that didn't work."
Cl-Countrygrlupnorth,
In a lot of ways, I think crushes are a lot more devastating than relationships because it's all about the possibility and excitement of what can happen whereas relationships are more reality based. You meet someone and it's so perfect, shiny and new but when you're in a relationship and they don't seem so perfect anymore, it's a lot easier to walk away. Obviously, when you're in your early 20's, it's easy to pick yourself up and move on but when you're in your 30's and the pickings are a lot slimmer, it's a lot harder and you don't bounce back nearly as easily.
Let me tell you a story about a crush I once had and no, I never slept with him and we weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend so yes, I can define it as a crush ... ONCE UPON A TIME, I met a guy in a different state. We met, we clicked and we spent seven out nine days together including NYE. On the first day, which was Boxing Day, we went out for twelve hours straight. He picked me up and we went to coffee, then shopping, then it was time for lunch, we went bowling and after the movies we went to dinner and then for a drive. He paid for all of the date except for the bowling. Needless to say, it was a very expensive date! On the third day, we went to the beach with his friends. On the fourth day, I went over to his house for a DVD night to meet his friends and family and slept over. Yep, crazy I know! So I stayed at his house on the fifth day for most of the day and he dropped me off home. He asked me to stay at his house for the reminder of my trip so on the seventh day (are you keeping up ladies?) which was NYE, we went out to a concert with his friends and we had a kiss at midnight. On the eighth day, he wanted me to wear an expensive dress I had brought with me and he took me out to an expensive restaurant. He was a perfect gentlemen and he made me feel like a princess ... UNTIL ... he said to me that he was going overseas in six months for two months and said he wanted to be with me, then be single overseas and then he wanted me to move to his state. Well, I was crushed on the ninth day and I didn't take the single when overseas bit very well at all. I ended up crying all day (not a good look but I'm much stronger for it :-)) and we barely spoke when he dropped me off at the airport. I thought he was very cold and unfeeling. He looked me in the eye at the airport and said without any emotion at all, I don’t think we’ll see each other again. I don't think it will come to a surprise to any of you that we stopped talking. I was very upset more so than I have been about any guy in a very LONG time. I felt we had a connection yada yada yada ... you know the drill.
Fast forward one and a half years and I sent him a text message and we start speaking again. I'd never forgotten about him. I like to be speaking terms with most of my exes because I like to leave things on a good note and it's an interesting when you get back in touch with an ex because you realise they weren't as perfect and usually not as good looking as you thought they were. Yes, we can be shallow at this point. He broke my heart! Speaking to him now, I realise that he's still a very nice guy and he's a lot of fun but when it mattered, he wasn't there for me. The sign of someone's character I believe is not when things are going right but when things are going wrong. He's very cold, isn’t very emotional and shows no empathy towards others. I've come to realise that he's a bimbo, he's not overly intelligent and he's very shallow. On his MSN contact card, he has pictures of himself with his shirt off and that's an instant turn off for me and a sure sign of insecurity. He also sent me an invitation to a night club opening and on his invitation list were a lot of females with hotmail addresses with variations of xxxxx_69@hotmail.com so he obviously enjoys being around women of questionable morals which makes me question his morals. I think he lacks class, I've lost respect for him as a person and we're very incompatible. After the relationship ended, someone I know checked out his background and it turned out that he had a two page police record including theft, gang activity, possession of a weapon, gang activity, illegal gambling etc etc ... a REAL CATCH!!! However, if I had left it at that week and hadn't got back into contact with him, I would have been mourning the loss of a potential relationship that wasn't really going to eventuate into anything on my behalf NOT HIS.
So FEISTY'S MORAL OF THE STORY IS: When a guy isn't into you, it can really be a blessing in disguise.
Feisty
P.S. I've read the posts where you've spoken about people being insulting to you. I think you're gorgeous inside and out and any man just needs to take one good look at you to realise that everything you say and do is all about making other people feel good about themselves. I have no doubt that one day that you will find the man of your dreams. You just need to remember when someone puts you down, they are really saying they are not happy with themselves and you really need to feel sorry for people like that.
P.P.S. Not every guy aspires to be with a skinny blonde (not that there is anything wrong with skinny blondes) :-)
And why is it that when the crush is leaving or walking out of our lives, do they have to be so cold and uncaring about it?
That's how I remember that guy being. When he left, I called him up and wished him well and he was just saying "Oh Thank you and you know what that means? That's it for us". I thought but why did it have to be it? He wasn't leaving the state or country for that matter but he felt it best to finalize things so be it. I obliged.
You're also right, Feisty that when you're in your 20's, you do bounce back a little quicker than you do in your 30's because let's face it. The pickings are slimmer to none.
So by me losing two crushes at the same time is pretty hurtful to me. My friend keeps telling me there will be others but I don't know about that anymore because I am getting older and I know there's not alot out there particularly in my age range.
So. What do I do? I'm taking up spanish to fill the void and hurt, gracias.
Aw, Stacey, I am sorry that you are feeling so crushed. We humans can take a lot of disappointment before we feel hopeless. But those hopeless moments are just so darned bleak. You are right to say that this will pass but that doesn't mean that it doesn't suck right now. Having crushes can be invigorating as long as they remain crushes. Once they wander into the realm of relationships (even just very casual friendships) by having regular interaction, they make us terribly vulnerable.
I want to give you credit for at least putting yourself out there. The crushes that I have had over the past years have led to nothing. I think that I tend to have crushes on people who are unavailable simply so that there is no chance that anything can happen. When it is someone who is available, I tend to avoid them. It's scary so I avoid it - you are braver than I am by leagues.
Hope you feel better soon!
Ah yes, once the glow of infatuation and giddy newness of the romance wears off comes the down-to-earth reality of the day-to-day person (for both parties).
BTW I do have a picture with my shirt off on my website (not the primary photo) only because at 53 I am proud of my body for the first time in my life from a lot of hard work and careful diet. The website is intended for those who know me already.
Mark
Ugh! I know exactly how you feel. Seems like I always go for the ones that aren't into me either (except maybe this current one) and I get sick of my bad streak.
I'm seriously going to stop dating altogether if things don't work out with my current guy. I like him and want to see where it goes (and its been getting better) but outside of him, I have no interest in dating anymore.
((((((hugs)))))) And I really hope something good comes out of things very soon for you. I kmow how awful this can feel.
Stacey,
Big hugs. I can totally relate. I think there comes a time in everyone's life when things just pile up, and that one last disappointment is the one that sends you over the edge. It's not just this guy, but the last few guys and other life stuff that has been so disappointing.
The silver lining... I've found that, when you hit these moments in your life, it means you are on the verge of a big change and a big victory. I don't know if I can explain that well, but I'll try...
These things are all hitting you where it really hurts - they are all things important in your life: finding love, attaining financial peace, having independece (the car). It is so frustrating and painful when any of those areas aren't working out as planned. BUT, you know what you need to do for the finances, and you're doing it. You know what you want in a man, and you're looking for it. You're not hiding from life. You're living it, getting better every day, and going after your dreams.
Sometimes we just have to fall down a few times before we get it right, like when we learned to ride a bike. One of these days, and soon I think, these things will finally click. Like another poster said, you will be so much more appreciative and thankful when that happens because you know how long and hard the journey was to get there.
Hang in there, and vent to us anytime. :)
AJ, enjoying life with C.
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