why do people always say.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
why do people always say.....
41
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 11:13pm

i got into a MOOD yesterday and starting thinking about this...


why do people always say "you'll find the right person eventually"?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2007
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 11:57pm

Have you ever read The Fairy Godmother by Mercedes Lackey?

Brenna
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 7:31am

I think people say it for the same reasons why they tell someone who's just been diagnosed with cancer that they'll beat it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 9:20am

Same as Shywon, I think people say it to give you hope and to be positive. And I kow they mean well, but I'm getting tired of people saying it for the exact same reasons you've mentioned; it is very possible that it just won't happen. I know that sounds like a downer, but I'm kind of a realist and I don't like getting my hopes up over something that may never come to pass. I'd rather accept that its only a possibility and not a guarantee and try and make due with the other blessings I have.


Brenna, sounds like an interesting book. I might look into it.


Which brings up another question: Are there any other books or resources for people who are perpetually single? Things on accepting singlehood and making the best of it? I have read all the articles on this site but I don't see too much for people who have been single long-term.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 9:41am

It must be a very popular thing for people to say these days I guess, saying that "you have to wait for the right person to come along; it happens when you least expect it" sort of thing. Which makes me wonder why they even invented online dating these days if that's how love is supposed to happen. I mean, if love was supposed to find us, then online dating is a huge waste of money, because we shouldn't find love. But I disagree with the handful of friends who have told me to stop looking for love.


I was tired of being single for the past nineteen (almost twenty) years of my life. I went along with my friends ideologies and do you know the luck I had with finding or meeting a potential match...you guessed it, none; no luck whatsoever. So I decided to take matters into my own hands and create an online profile. I have to say that although I have met some interesting men, I have met someone that I am really excited about. Who know's if it will work out, but at least I know there's a possibility, instead of waiting for a "what if". I think more people should not be afraid of looking for love (even if it is an online dating site); and who know's, maybe some of us are meant to go the extra mile to search for our potential mates.


Just my two cents...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 11:08am

Funny you should ask that--I just started reading a book called Single State of the Union that's a collection of essays about being a single woman and that's definitely one of the issues covered.


It's an enjoyable read so far--I'd recommend it.


Sheri

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 11:28am

Your comments are a perfect example of "ambiguous loss". This is described in a wonderful book for single women called "With or Without a Man" by Karen Lewis. Ambiguous loss is exactly what it sounds like: you don't know whether you have lost something or not. If you knew for certain that you would never find a soul mate, then you could grieve it and move on. But not really knowing is what drives us crazy.

This book really clarifies a lot of things for single women, including all the messages we get about "finding a man" and "when you stop looking" etc. It's not so much about "accepting" your singleness but about living a full life with or without a man. It really gave me a different perspective on the whole thing. Available on Amazon.

P.S. I've been single so long that no one says "You'll find someone" to me anymore!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 11:35am

That book sounds interesting. I'll have to look into that. And I agree with the living a full life part. That part, I'm doing regardless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 12:21pm

Well it is the polite thing to say, and anything good or bad can happen at any moment, no question. I am a depressingly practical and pragmatic guy.


That being said I also belive in self fulfilling prophecies. If you tell yourself every day that you will never find anyone, then you probably wont. If you say you cant succeed, you wont.

We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2007
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 1:20pm

hi



I'm a man does my opinion count on this?


I know for a fact that knowing you will never find anyone can drive you more crazy. I've read and heard people commiting suicide over this , especially if they're younger and never experienced a relationship . so it's not like everyone can just grieve over it and move on. Many people can't move on.



I also believe

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 3:31pm
I think they're just trying to give you hope for the future and boost your outlook a little, not meaning anything by it, especially if you tend to vent about bad dates or other aspects of singledom you dislike. Plus, while there's surely no guarantee you'll find that special someone in this lifetime, there's also no guarantee that you WON'T. ;)








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