Why do so many people want something like this????

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Why do so many people want something like this????
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 5:34pm

Ok so in April me and a friend of mine went out to a favorite club of ours and we had had a good time.Well it was at the very end of the night that as I was walking out..this guy struck up a conversation with me.I thought he was cute.I asked him if he was single and he stated yes.Then a few days later I thought that I would take a chance and put up an add on craisglist in their missed connections section.Well I found him...of course after asking a few more question to make sure it was him.Well after that we started e-mailing and he asked me what I was looking for.I told him the truth...a meaningful relationship...NO FWB!! Well after that he told me the truth...that he was in a 'situation'...that is that he's still living with his gf in their 2 kids...I know he has 2 kids but I'm not sure if both are from the woman he's living with or just the one...anyways so basically he told me that he wanted us to do basically another FWB thing..although he stated that sex didn'thave to be involved.Well long story short...he finally found a female that will do what he wants...meaning being with him although he's still living with another woman and their kids!! I admit that I have been very lonely and I do want someone to cuddle with and hug and kiss BUT that's why I want a healthy relationship and not the crap that he was offering.This is the e-mail I had sent him:Now at the beginning i'm referring to him stating that the type of friend he was looking for...I knew what he meant by that...

I get that.I have always gotten that but I value myself more then just being someone's 2nd choice.I do have so much more to give then just being someone's hiding squeeze...I don't want to have to hide around to be with anyone.The way I feel is that if  you're so miserable..then get out of that situation because it's not fair to expect someone to have to hide to be with you or anyone...but I guess there will always be females willing to do such a thing..but not me.

I really liked talking to you because I felt a connection...even when I first saw you for that very short period of time at the club.
I do wish you the best Joseph.
Once again good girls like myself will finish last once again... but I will still have my integrity in tack.
I feel that the e-mail was a good way to end this small chapter in my life :)
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999

Gross.  i don't knock anyone if a FWB is genuinely what they want but the thing is, I would venture to say that a lot of poeople in those situations are secretly holding out for the possibility of something more meaningful and I know when that doesn't happen, it can be a crushing experience not to mention, hard to let go of once they realize they want more.  It feels good to know what you want, and what you don't ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

My opinion is that you won't finish last because the girl who is going to go for this arrangement isn't going to be happy with it for very long and will probably not respect herself for agreeing to it.  You are a lot nicer to Joseph than I would have been.  He's just a lying cheater--I bet he didn't tell his GF that he's going to be going out with other women on the side.  The one bit of integrity that he had was at least he did tell you about his living situation up front.  A friend of mine who likes to go to clubs (and by the way, we're over 50, not young kids) meets these guys and then finds out later they are still married or have a GF--she's already had 2 this year I think.

I think a FWB situation would be good for some people if that's what they want but it should be people who are not in relationships.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

Wow.. You guys are right.. There are very limited normal people out there..

I agree with Music and would have most likely told him off nicely and not given it a second thought..

Dont get  me started because I am so upset about a guy I know on facebook through a mutal friend who is married and has three small kids.. He is dating a younger woman. He is about 40 and the woman looks 30. My son is 33 and it makes me sick to see this guy with the huge ego dating this young woman.. He wants a divorce as he says on facebook and he still lives with his wife and kids. 

sorry to say and I rarely wish harm on people but I hope Karma kicks in and gets him in the butt....Wow. the sick ego twisted nerve of some men. Its like this guy and some men trade in the old models for new ones..


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

He says "no sex has to be involved" I don't get it because I thought FWB meant sex with no commitment or expectations. I think he was just saying that to appear to be a decent guy, but he would have quickly moved on to someone else if sex really wasn't involved. Looks like he already found someone willing to play second fiddle. Personally, I could never do it. I'd rather be alone than be some guys FWB. And who knows how many other FWB female friends he'd have besides me. YUCK


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Tue, 07-16-2013 - 8:26am


I'm with all of you guys on this.......there seems to be a trend where men can just have "arrangements" and still continue to fool around.  I'm not sure if the women know about it, but either way it degrades real relationships (before I moved to my current apartment I knew a guy who had the family thing going on, but he called me "sexy" one night and offered to drive me home.....nooo!!!........then I heard him talking to another guy about an escort agency and how they had the "good ones").  Eww!!

This is an unfortunate trend, but I would stay away from it.......sounds like you are looking for something monogomous.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

Oh and you'd be surprised at how many married or in committed relationship men out there that are always on the lookout for just that type of arrangement. I've seen it soooo many times in my 55 years of life. I can even recall 3 different married so called friends of my own husbands that hit on me out of the blue and at the time each incident kinda shocked me. And no I don't act flirtatious or dress provacatively around them at all. In all honesty I don't trust the vast majority of men any further than I can throw them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003

Good for you in standing your ground & sticking up for yourself.  

But yes, I too, have seen this as a common trend a lot lately.  And I don't know why that is.  A lot of people are into FWB's.  And that's fine.  But it's not my cup of tea.  Been there & done that.  And someone always winds up hurt.  I used to talk to a guy that left the state to go to a different state to be with the "love of his life"  Well now the grass aint so greener on the other side & he started chatting me up again.  He started up again with the sexual inuendos & whatnot.  Oh and I forgot to mention, he has a son w/this girl, too.  I put my foot down & told him I wasn't his concilation prize or his second choice.  He went on about how the relationship was working out w/his fiance, blah, blah, blah.  Oh well, not my proble.  Sucks to be him.  

And you my dear should give yourself a pat on the back for taking pride in yourself.  Becase you ARE better than that.  Heck, we all are and we deserve better.