Why do we love what we can't have?
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| Fri, 04-06-2007 - 9:19pm |
I was just sitting here thinking of this tonight. It seems like everyone always wants more and more when they can't, or shouldn't, have something. It's like you can never have enough. We see this so much in dating...men and women both chase someone who's a challenge, who they can't have, or shouldn't want.
I'm kind of going through this myself right now. When I was 14, I fell in love with one of my friends. It was a very volatile thing, he broke my heart so many times, because he'd give me a little bit, then take it away, which would make me only want it more. For 2 years, we went through this song and dance, and then he disappeared, running away from home, and I never saw him again. He was my entire high school experience, the only thing I remember clearly from those times. He was the one I pined after, and would have died for.
Well, I found him on mySpace 2 months ago, and we've been talking, and have a date tomorrow night. We're doing this dance once again...he'll say something that makes me think he might want me, then when I give a little and say something, he backs off. Then I back off, and he starts chasing me again. Over and over and over. It's like, we can't get enough of the game. I just don't understand it.
I know that he's not the type of person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I keep getting pulled to him anyway...then I decide that I can't do it, that it's not right, and I back off...and then he comes running back to me, which makes me want to run back to him.
When will it stop? And why do we chase after what we can't have, and why is it just the love of the game that keeps us going? Why do we get bored so easily when we can get something, only wanting more and more, because what we have is never enough?

I personally think it goes back to ones childhood. I have witnessed very loving, healthy relationships so I know they do exist.
I have dated countless nice guys but felt smothered by all of their attention. Then I would revert to the emotionally unavailable man and would suddenly find myself smitten. Did you have an attentive father? My father was a work-aholic and while he was a good provider and never abused our mother or strayed from their marriage, I don't know, something was lacking. If we sought attention which, meant approaching him and almost literally asking for it, we would get love we craved from him but he never doted on us. Hugs and kisses were not given out on a daily basis. I happen to think that this is subconsciously what I seek in my adult relationships.
I'm no psychiatrist, and a lot of folks may find this summation nauseating, but I think that there is at least some validity to the theory.
Oh, boy, did I want someone I couldn't have, and shouldn't have wanted.
Be direct. Tell him what you want, that you're not interested in the dance.
Why can't you have him? He's just a guy. And if he agreed to go on a date with you again after all this time it's a good sign that he's interested in you. At the very least you can have a good time!
If you're direct with him then you'll know where you stand. If he says he's interested in more then you're set. If he just wants to be friends then move on.
Sounds harsh, but you deserve to be happy. If the guy you're into isn't making you happy there are lots of other guys who will. You'll meet someone else if this guy doesn't do it for you.