But why does it have to hurt SO bad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
But why does it have to hurt SO bad?
22
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 3:27pm

We all feel Shy's sadness that she hasn't married and had babies by now.

We all feel one another's frustration that nothing has clicked yet with the right person.

You all know I keep swinging the bat, but so far, haven't hit it out of the park.

Here's the part I don't get: WHY does it have to hurt so bad? Why can't we just say, "Oh well, easy come, easy go" and let it slide on past us. For instance, I feel personally rejected by the divorcing man EVEN THOUGH I knew going into it that he is radioactive.

If this happened to us all once or twice, we learned a lesson and then we made changes and got on with life, got the results we seek, that would make sense. But some of us (I among "us") continue to find the same lessons over and over and over again.

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 6:32pm
It hurts because we're human. We make mistakes because we're human. We'll continue to make them and hurt afterward because we're human. If you don't hurt, you're just cold.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 6:40pm

If I had the answer to that I would be a millionaire and not alone.

Yes; It does hurt being so alone and its scary.. I mean we all want to cuddle and be loved and we want to give love. Hey; Maybe we all have too much love to give and it hurts. Maybe if we got some dogs or cats or opened an orphanage and gave love we would feel better.. I dont know but yes it hurts.. I try not to think about being so lonely but when I see a couple or men and women couples in restaurants the pain gets worse.
I think I cry almost everyday over how sucky this is.. I try and keep busy but then it is always there in the back of my mind and heart.

What I am learning is patience and strength.. More strength to go on and not harm myself as I get more and more tired of it all.

I am going to try a new strategy and frequent some coffee shops and set some pattern or consistency.. Like go to the same venue once a week every week faithfully and see if I can make new friends. My life is getting stale and I need to vamp it up.

I guess the journey continues...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 8:32pm

My boss is about the only person I know who doesn't really care if a woman likes him or not (or at least he says)--if he goes on a date & the woman rejects him, he says he just goes on w/ his life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 9:39pm

Hi Marina, sorry to hear that you are feeling sad. I am on the same boat as you.

All I can say is, no pain no gain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 11:46pm

Oh, Free!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 11:51pm

Music -

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 12:57am

I hear the pain in your post Free.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 1:06am
I did not realize you are suffering Marina. It seems like you ride high with so many men. I would think that would be more encouraging than discouraging for there seems to be someone else who is waiting in line for you.

I am sorry for your suffering and the continued emotional pain. Take care and hugs to you.

Mark
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2011
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 4:28am
Yep, I can definitely relate. After my divorce, I was a happy player for a while. In my defense, I was up-front about my lack of desire for commitment with the men I played with. Now, I want a relationship. I used to love to come home to my own apartment and have nobody bother me, nobody to have to cook for or think about. Now, I find myself missing that connection, the romance, the cuddling, etc. I am learning to be content, even when things don't work out the way I would like. I am learning to let go, to trust in myself, to be independent and meet my own needs as much as possible. I have a job, I go to school, I have great friends. My love life is confusing and frustrating at the moment, and yes, it hurts. But I am learning to accept that. I still choose to trust that it won't be like this forever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 11:43am

Hi Maria -

I haven't seen you here before - nice to meet you!

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