why don't girls like me?
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 12-24-2006 - 12:28am |
I'm sick of not having and never having had a girlfriend. I'm sick of never having had sex before. I'm sick with the fact that I haven't even kissed a girl in 2 years. I'm 20 years old and in college, and I'm sick of seeing young attractive girls all over the place and not being able to have them. I'm sick of them never even looking my way. I'm sick that every girl I liked told me we should just be friends. I'm sick that there's never been a girl to hold me or touch me, and I'm starting to worry there will never be one.
I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Sure, I'm not the most smooth or popular or best looking or "dangerous" guy, but I have so much to offer. I'm kind, honest, I'll be loyal, devoted, considerate, I'll take her out, compliment her, I dress well, I'm reasonably good looking, I have a stable job.
And I'm not asking for a lot in return. I just want a girl who's physically attractive (not a supermodel, just nice to look at) and who has a tolerable personality (if she's not a gold digger or psychopath, I'd be happy). Why do girls constantly either ignore me or turn me down? Why can't they see what I can offer them?

Pages
"Initially, I think what you have to do in this situation is to take that image of the "perfect" woman that exists in your head and get her out of there. As long as you walk around looking for someone who is "perfect" you'll always, and I do mean ALWAYS, be miserable. Perfect does not exist. Even seemingly perfect relationships have their ups and downs where you often look at the person sleeping next to you and you wonder why on earth you're with this person (as I do quite often with the man I've been with for three years). That always happens. There is no such thing anywhere as perfect."
I said I'm NOT looking for the perfect woman. I'm doing the complete opposite. Like I said the reason I'm not looking for the perfect woman (someone who's gorgeous, has a wonderful personality, sense of humor, intelligence, etc) is because they're so few and I'm shutting off my options to other women.
Like I said, I've stripped my requirements down to the bare minimum. Like I said, I just need to find her physically attractive and for her not to be a psycho or a gold digger. I don't think that's asking for the perfect woman.
"Do you have any pictures of yourself you could show us? What do you say to girls you're interested in? How do you act around them? "
I don't have any pictures. There's nothing that I say all around. Most of the girls I asked out were just people I knew in class. I tried complimenting them, asking them things about themselves, but when I asked them "listen, if you have any free time, do you want to go out some time?" They all just said "let's just be friends."
I've gotten 2 dates this way this whole year, but none of those girls were interested in a second date with me. I try to act nice and friendly around them, asking them about themselves, complimenting them, but they never return any interest.
Well, I suggest you just keep doing that - I know it gets frustrating when you get rejected repeatedly (that's part of the dating process, unfortunately), but it's like fishing - you have to keep throwing in the line if you want to catch anything.
I think that's part of the problem right here - the compliments when you don't even know the girl.
When I go out by myself and some guy tells me how beautiful I am (or something along those lines), the only thing I can do is roll my eyes. Seriously. That's me and I know other women are different, but I can't help but think "what a line" that is.
What I get from this post is desperation. Like the guy in the bar who goes from woman to woman to woman, telling each one how beautiful they are, hoping that one of them will go home with him. (Not that that's what you're trying to do here.)
Do you know why "bad boys" are so successful? It's because they come across as confident. (They may be and they may not REALLY be confident.) And they don't follow girls around like sad puppy dogs begging for attention.
I'm not saying here to treat women like dirt - because we all hate that - but what we're ALL saying here is to stop placing your self-worth on the approval of a woman! That comes across in your actions loud and clear whether you're aware of it or not!
Think of this scenario - you're in a bar. You see two semi-cute girls by themselves at the bar. One is laughing, smiling, having fun, joking around with the people next to her; the other is sitting, sulking, pouting, not looking at anyone, and just staring into her beer. Who do you want to approach?
That's the attraction of confidence.
We usually think of confidence as belief or assurance in one's abilities, but, as suggested in what Emdeesea said about compliments, confidence also means trust and comfort between individuals. So, concentrate on being a warm, friendly person, and forget about whether you are a bad boy or a nice guy -- The role personal attributes play is overstated.
Moreover, I suggest that you examine your attitudes toward the female sex. For example, my lack of "confidence" with women had less to do with how I saw myself than how I saw girls. I was able to interact with them intellectually but not emotionally and sexually, because, in my youth, I imbibed many thoughts and attitudes which prevented me from being close to women physically and emotionally.
Good luck!
>Moreover, I suggest that you examine your attitudes toward the female sex. For example, my lack of "confidence" with women had less to do with how I saw myself than how I saw girls. <
Very well stated.
We are just people! That's it. Not some mysterious race to be conquered and subdued and placed on a pedestal to be worshiped.
Hi,
You say that you ask girls out from your class sometimes. Where do you ask them to go with you. Do you just ask them to go for coffee at one of the coffe shops in your school or do you actually ask them out for dinner on the weekend. I have had guys in my classes ask me to go for coffee and I think nothing of it as I just assume that the guy from my class is just wanting to be friends or something to that extent. So even if I am not interested in the guy as being more than friends I would say sure if I had a break or something as I would not think of it in any other way. So maybe those girls from your class do not think that when you ask them to do something that you are interested in them. Not to mention I personally find it a bit awkward when a guy from my class will ask me out then while we are talking will start completementing me if I had a whole different mind set about the whole situation(thinking of it as just friends hanging out). So maybe what you should do is just first off ask the girl from one of your classes that you like to maybe start a study group or go for coffee. Then just get to know her as a person before you make any indication of being really really interested. I find that I personally like a guy who is willing to take time to get to know me, that way I feel more comfortable with the guy. Rather than thinking he is strange for just coming up to me out of the blue and asking me out. I think most girls are taking back by a person who they do not know asking them out.
Most of the girls that I know, and I personally find a guy who I know intellectually or emotionally more attractive and appealing than just a cute guy who comes right up to me and asks me out. So if you want to have a better chance of having a girl stick around just move slowly and get to know the girl first. Girls appreciate guys who are willing to wait and get to know you first on a personally level. I hope this was of some help.
"One is laughing, smiling, having fun, joking around with the people next to her; the other is sitting, sulking, pouting, not looking at anyone, and just staring into her beer. Who do you want to approach? "
I am the girl who is laughing, smiling, having fun, and joking around with the people next to me, but I have to say, in my experience, the girl who is sitting, sulking, pouting, not looking at anyone, and just staring into her beer is the one who gets approached.
>but I have to say, in my experience, the girl who is sitting, sulking, pouting, not looking at anyone, and just staring into her beer is the one who gets approached.<
Really? Because I was always the sulky girl and no one ever approached me ever. Suddenly when I got to the point that I didn't care anymore, and started being that joking around girl, there they were.
Huh. Just when I thought I had guys figured out.. :)
Pages