why don't girls like me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
why don't girls like me?
50
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 12:28am

I'm sick of not having and never having had a girlfriend. I'm sick of never having had sex before. I'm sick with the fact that I haven't even kissed a girl in 2 years. I'm 20 years old and in college, and I'm sick of seeing young attractive girls all over the place and not being able to have them. I'm sick of them never even looking my way. I'm sick that every girl I liked told me we should just be friends. I'm sick that there's never been a girl to hold me or touch me, and I'm starting to worry there will never be one.

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Sure, I'm not the most smooth or popular or best looking or "dangerous" guy, but I have so much to offer. I'm kind, honest, I'll be loyal, devoted, considerate, I'll take her out, compliment her, I dress well, I'm reasonably good looking, I have a stable job.

And I'm not asking for a lot in return. I just want a girl who's physically attractive (not a supermodel, just nice to look at) and who has a tolerable personality (if she's not a gold digger or psychopath, I'd be happy). Why do girls constantly either ignore me or turn me down? Why can't they see what I can offer them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 9:24am

I don't get it, either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 10:50am

Another thought occurred to me...

>It gets irritating to know I'm a lively, enthusiastic, outgoing, attractive, fun girl...yet guys pass right by me on the way to go talk to the sulky sullen girls.<

Maybe they're intimidated. But that would say way more about THEM than it does you. (And you're right - maybe it's some sort of masculine mission or something.)

>Even though I didn't get up the nerve to go introduce myself to him, I asked an older lady I'd seen talking to him to introduce me, and she did, and we hit it off, and we're supposed to go out tonight. :)<

Hey, if it it works do it! Good luck on your date tonight. Let us know how goes it.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 12:17pm
Sorry to butt in on yours and emdeesa's posts, but I wonder if it's the more insecure guys who are going for the sullen girls sitting quietly in the corner of the room? I wonder if for some reason they see her as more approachable, safer? Whereas, when they see you (and you may be all of these wonderful things) you are surrounded by a lot people and are exuding a certain level of confidence. Maybe they are intimidated?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 12:28pm

I've wondered that myself, actually.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 2:45pm
It seems that your actions may screaming desperate. I don't mean to be harsh, but maybe the girls you are going after aren't in your league. If a guy comes up to a girl and asks them to hang out, most girls are going to place their decision on the guys appearance. If this has not been working for you, maybe you should get to know a girl first. Lots of girls fall for their guy friends. If a girl says she just wants to be a friend, then do just that. Show her how great of a guy you are and feelings may develop between the two of you. I also feel that maybe you shouldn't pick girls just because of their physical appearances. When you get to know someone, their personality can make them so much more attractive to you.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 9:16pm

My first reaction with anyone (man or woman) who isn't able to meet someone or get a date is to ask them what they think the reason is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 10:40pm

"My first reaction with anyone (man or woman) who isn't able to meet someone or get a date is to ask them what they think the reason is. Why do YOU think you're having trouble? I always get the feeling that the person posting the question knows what is holding them back, but is unwilling to admit it. "

I don't know how to be smooth, charming, "dangerous," the type of guy girls get excited about. I'm not too popular or confident around girls. That's my problem.

"I also think, like some others, that you are being too picky. You've basically stated that 95-97% of the population of women are unacceptable to you. That leaves you with a pond about the size of a nickel instead of a sea."

No. I said that only 3-5% of girls would be dateable if I expanded my criteria like some of the women here suggested. Many of oyu said I should go for a girl who's not only physically attractive, but smart, intelligent, sensitive, has a great sense of humor and so on, but the more I expand my criteria, the fewer women will be able to meet those.

I'm not picky. My requirements for a girl have been stripped to the bare minimum to expand my options to as many women as possible. Like I said, I want a girl who's physically attractive and has atleast a TOLERABLE personality, which I said may be 25% to 30% of women.

If I raise my criteria like some of the people here have mentioned, I'm limiting myself to only that 3-5% of women.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 12:04pm

I went back to your original post and pulled this. This seems to be a recurring theme:

>I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Sure, I'm not the most smooth or popular or best looking or "dangerous" guy...<

Another poster said that you need to reevaluate your view of women in general. I agree. Why would you think that this is what every woman wants? Women who want a "dangerous" guy are emotionally unhealthy. Smooth and popular and best-looking - well that's just shallowness - another unattractive and unhealthy trait in a woman.

...>but I have so much to offer.<

Like what? What do you do with your spare time? What sort of hobbies do you have? What are your goals in life? In other words, what do you have to TALK about and SHARE with an emotionally healthy woman?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 12:11am

I must have misread, because what I understood was that you wanted that 3-5% of women, but were willing to lower your standards just to get a date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 8:51am

>You'll never be that guy, and the women who are right for you won't want that guy. Don't try and change just because you think someone else wants you to. <

Very well stated.