why don't girls like me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
why don't girls like me?
50
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 12:28am

I'm sick of not having and never having had a girlfriend. I'm sick of never having had sex before. I'm sick with the fact that I haven't even kissed a girl in 2 years. I'm 20 years old and in college, and I'm sick of seeing young attractive girls all over the place and not being able to have them. I'm sick of them never even looking my way. I'm sick that every girl I liked told me we should just be friends. I'm sick that there's never been a girl to hold me or touch me, and I'm starting to worry there will never be one.

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Sure, I'm not the most smooth or popular or best looking or "dangerous" guy, but I have so much to offer. I'm kind, honest, I'll be loyal, devoted, considerate, I'll take her out, compliment her, I dress well, I'm reasonably good looking, I have a stable job.

And I'm not asking for a lot in return. I just want a girl who's physically attractive (not a supermodel, just nice to look at) and who has a tolerable personality (if she's not a gold digger or psychopath, I'd be happy). Why do girls constantly either ignore me or turn me down? Why can't they see what I can offer them?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:20pm
Could it be that you're trying to date out of your league? I know that sounds harsh but sometimes people have an expectation of what they want their mate to "look" like and are focused only on that. Instead of putting so much value into how a girl looks, why not try to find a girl who has mutual goals and interests and let a natural chemistry take place instead? It could be that you're not as attractive as you think you are and the girls you are attracted to are not attracted to your type. I'm just saying, that's all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:24pm

"I need to know how to get young, attractive girls to want to go out with me."


Well, how attractive are YOU?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:25pm

Pinkgemini73,

That's my take on it as well. He's trying to date women out of his league and he's trying too hard. That's not attractive at all.

Feisty




Edited 1/1/2007 8:27 pm ET by feisty01
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:26pm

I don't know. Maybe a 6 or a 7. I'm not ugly, but I don't think I can be a male model either. But what does that matter? For women, attraction in men is only 20% looks and 80% personality, so how do I change my personality in a way that will attract girls?

"Pinkgemini73,

That's my take on it as well. He's trying to date women out of his league and he's trying too hard. That's not attractive at all.

Feisty"

So what are you saying I should do? Should I compromise my standards again? I've already stripped my standards in girls to the bare minimum. If I strip them down anymore, I know I wouldn't be happy in a relationship with someone who just met my lowered standards, and I'd rather be alone than in an unhappy relationship.




Edited 1/1/2007 8:30 pm ET by redonculous
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:28pm

We've already told you that you need to exude confidence and a pleasant demeanor - you have to do whatever the male version of "sparkle" is, and be outgoing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:35pm

"We've already told you that you need to exude confidence and a pleasant demeanor - you have to do whatever the male version of "sparkle" is, and be outgoing."

Then HOW do I do that? I've already said that I have little to no confidence around girls.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:40pm

You aren't going to achieve your goal until you gain more confidence. You need to find out why you are insecure and then work on it.

"And if you think about it, judging a girl by her looks is NOT shallow. How a girl looks speaks volumes about her personality. If she’s overweight, most likely, she doesn’t exercise and doesn’t care about her health. If she has acne, it means she has a poor diet, and also doesn’t care about her health. If she’s pale, it means she spends too much time indoors and not enough outside. If she doesn’t put on makeup or do her hair or dress well, it means she doesn’t care about her appearance."

This is redonculous. I happen to be a natural redhead and am VERY fair. In the summer, I go fishing, biking and swim a lot. I get a little pink or burn, get some new freckles, then the little color I got fades away and I am once again, porcelain skinned.

As for the overweight girls being unhealthy. I have four nieces, two of them are thin as rails and the other two are not overweight but are more "thick" and shapely. They have weight on them, but I wouldn't say that they are chubby. Their metabolisms are different, their genetic makeup is different. Of the two "thicker" girls, one is on a basketball team and the other one plays soccer. Their mother struggles with her weight so she keeps no soda, bread, or sugary cereals in the house and absolutely no sweets. She doesn't even purchase sugar. She uses Splenda. I know this because I actually take provisions with me when I visit for an extended period of time, LOL.

The other set, the rail thin girls, do not play sports. I once went shopping with my sister-in-law and I swear I loaded well over five 12 packs of soda into her SUV and both of her girls eat nothing but sweets. The youngest and also the thinnest of this set eats waffles drenched in syrup for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She absolutely refuses to eat most anything else. I have seen the oldest of this set eat four pieces of chocolate cake in one sitting. Every time that I prepare a meal for her, she asks what's for dessert as if it is normal to eat a dessert after every meal. I am amazed by the amount of food, unhealthy at that, they consume and you cannot find an inch of fat on either of them.

As for the acne, there is conflicting data on poor diets causing it, but most Md's have debunked the theory.

Let me ask you something and note, I have not read every single post in this thread so forgive me if I am being repetitive: Are you attractive? You say that you want a girl who is attractive so I was just curious.

We, on this board, are just trying to help you. I think we all spend considerable time and thought responding to your posts. We wouldn't do that if we didn't think that it might help you in some way or another. My post, this one in particular, is meant in good jest. I hope you do not take offense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:41pm

Redonculous,

You have little confidence because your validation as a person comes from other people. If you had goals and ambitions other than finding a girlfriend, this make you more confident as a person and thus, more attractive to women.

Feisty

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:58pm

I'm sorry, my dear,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 9:53pm

A person has to love his/her self and be confident in his/her self before someone else will love them and be confident next to them.

A person needs to be able to look at themselves and know that they are a good person. On the contrary, they also need to know that they are flawed and have things about them they would like to change about themself. As Dashboard Confessnional puts it, "flawed, but cleaning up so well..."

Take me, for example.

I am not a rail, but I am not obsese. (Imperfect.)
I've lost 30lbs since I've moved out of state... (abmition and drive)
and got my first real career. (I'm stable.)
My car broke down on the way to my new home (I'm unlucky at times)
and I had to get rid of it on a whim. (I can adjust and stay calm in crappy situations.)
I teach 10 year olds. (That says A LOT about me!)
I have a great group of friends and family (The people you surround yourself with say a lot about who you are, or in this case, who I am)
and love who I am. (Confidence!)
I am not perfect, (Again, imperfection acknowledged...)
but I have a lot to offer. (Damn straight!)

I am a single person who is clearly READY for the right guy!

It took me 23 years, gaining (then losing) weight, and dating three losers to get to this point. Becoming "datable" doesn't happen over night. Loving who you are doesn't happen over night. It starts happening as soon as you choose to GET REAL. (Dr. Phil quote not intended.)

I don't turn heads, but I am beautiful in my own way inside and out.

If someone can't love me at my best, I'd rather be single anyways.

You need to be someone with that type of confidence, and find someone with that type of confidence.

The End.

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