Why is it so hard?
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| Fri, 01-12-2007 - 7:56pm |
I'm just in a funk these days. I really don't want to give up but yet don't want to try so hard. Why can't love just happen with reasonable effort? I thought that if I have things going on in my life, if I keep myself presentable, be kind, fun, and have a few interesting thoughts in head, that someone will want me and yet here I am 10 years after I realized I wanted someone in my life, back to square one. No one to be there for me when I just want to kick back, talk about my day, accompany me to social events, or just spend a quiet evening in. A shoulder to put my head on, a warm body to snuggle up to and feeling secure and loved at the same time.
Pretty, nice, smart, and funny? Isn't it what most people want so why don't they want me? I go through phases. Recently was feeling positive b/c what else can I do but at times, it hits me that I haven't had a RS in years. I've been telling myself, it'll happen but why can't I see any light at the end...

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I am sorry to hear that you feel like the possibilities with the work guy might be dwindling. I hate it when I start to feel that way about someone. It is disappointing, even when nothing really materialized. Who knows, you might now meet someone really great when you go to your conference!! Definately will keep your fingers crossed for you!!
I thought that the quote might be helpful to you. After hearing that on the show, the last part really stuck with me and I decided it was something that I should really keep in the back of my head. I had to go out and find the whole quote to post - Who would have guessed that there would be entire websites dedicated to the good quotes from that show. Anyways, I am going to work on just having faith and letting fate take me where it will. I just don't have the energy to do anything more. It's probably sad that I feel that way, because if this is something that I truly want, I should be willing to work a little bit harder for it. But right now, I just can't, I need to let things be what they will be and hope for the best. But maybe it doesn't really matter, I wasn't doing all that well at it on my own!!! :-)
Maybe the spring season will go better than the winter - here's to hope, faith and fate!
Hi,
I've been thinking about how to gauge his interest in me more directly. Only then will I find peace of mind. This guessing game is too unsettling. Being that I like him so much, and our relationship is supervisor-supervisee any thing too subtle is too difficult for me to read b/c I'm not very objective.
The frustrating thing is I'm too terribly self-consious around him that I'm afraid to ask any personal question at all. Fact is he has asked me personal questions before. i.e. my marital status, whether I have a bf (at different times) but in appropriate context so I wasn't too quick to jump to conclusion that he's interested. So, I've been trying to think of how to approach the subject of whether or not he has a gf. I have an idea on how to lead into that suject. I have to practice making it sound natural and context appropriate. Can you imagine how chicken I am. You read post about people wondering about the availability of a co-worker they only run into in the hallway. Here it is we meet alone weekly for 8 months already. We've had more personal conversations and I don't have the nerve to ask him the same questions he asked me.
I found out the conference he went to and the one I tried to go to wasn't the same one even though they were on the same subject matter. anyway, that's not important now.
I guess I have to do this b/c if I can't even do this how can I expect to go out and meet men. It'll be interesting. I've been debating so long how to be more bold with him. Initially I wasn't going to let him know I'm interested but I've been debating that issue now. Still not sure if I should let him know but I feel strongly I should at least feel more comfortable to ask these questions. He did say one time he didn't mind that I am more open with him. The other day, I talked to my therapist and he told me I appear very reserved even though I smile a lot, he felt my reservation could make it difficult for a man to approach me.
Hello -
I am always fascinated with the things that I am able to say versus the things I seem to be unable to say. There are so many things that I would have liked to have asked guys that I have dated in the past, but have never felt that it was okay to ask (i.e. where is this going, etc.) and yet the things that I shouldn't say - those statements pracitically fall out of my mouth. It is so hard to ask those questions that you know you may not like the answer to (like does he have a gf...) I always wonder why this is such a problem for me (& maybe yourself and others) while it might be hard - you can work with facts, the unknown will take over your life!!! I know that I have said that before, but it is by far one of the most frustrating traits that I really dislike about myself. I think that I want to please people so much, so if I want/need to ask a question of someone that might put them on the spot, I would rather torture myself with the "what ifs" than ask them. I am so annoyed by myself somedays.
By the way, I was think that it is harder to talk to someone that you have a relationship with versus someone you have just met. When you have gone out and met someone new - it is really much easier to ask some questions. In regards to talking with your work man - sometimes the moment has past and made it even more difficult to ask!! Could he think that you aren't interested because when he asked the question, you didn't ask it back? These might be one of those things about men that I am not good at figuring out!
I think that at the end of the day, some days are easier than others and some days you are more approachable to people than thers. If you are having an "off" day and you are supposed to meet someone, I figure they will see through the reservation/anger/negativity (or whatever the day and life might bring you to) that you may be giving off or fate will bring you back together at the right time.
Hi lovesthecolorpink,
Phew! I did it. I asked the questions. What a relief. I just want to share it here. NOt to instill false hope or anything but just to let it off my chest that I got the courage to ask the hard questions that I haven't been able to for 8 months. The thing is I felt calm asking them. It took a lot of visualizing how I might say it and I dit it!
So I asked - carefully framing the question w/i the context of something else if he knew if I was interested in him. He said there wasn't anything obvious. So I said I thought I asked b/c you're a very perceptive person and I thought you would know if a woman is interested. He said a woman would act a certain way and explained it to me which was funny so I had a good laugh. Then sometime later, I asked (again w/i appropriate context) if he is dating and he said no.
Anyway, I felt so liberated that I was able to ask it in a very casual tone of voice. Wasn't nervous (or at least didn't show it) - I wonder what he thinks of me know. I still try not to think too much b/c part of me want things to progress naturally, either he's interested or he isn't. I don't want to push it b/c I don't want to ruin things, I want him to want me. NOt b/c I'm an aggresive man hunter. He's an older man so I would imagine he would want to do the pursuing. I'm just glad that I'm able to reach this level of comfort. This means I can be this way with other men too.
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