why is it soo hard to let go?
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| Mon, 03-13-2006 - 1:51am |
i known him for 2yrs. its been an emotional rollercoaster ever since i met him. we have never been on an official relationship, one has been mentioned many times during the back and forth motion of our 'unique relationship', but none has been achieved.
now i feel like i have deep feelings for this guy, and i know he does not feel the same way. i keep falling for him. if he were to ask me to come see him, even though he lives in another sate (im from ny, his from boston), i try my best to do it. i mean he comes see me too, but when i go there we interact more. on the contrary, when he comes here, he just watches tv and sleeps.
i sent him messages telling him that i miss him, yet i dont get the same response back.
i know the best thing to do is to be strong and let go.
he tells me that the only reason he comes to see me is because hia bored. i guess i have trouble accepting that because i really like him and would like to beleive that his just being proud. ~my reasoning: 'why would you come from another state to visit someone u dont even like, simply because your bored?'
i really think i got caught up and i actually love this kid. i hate the fact that i have feelings for him,, because all i do is try to figure him out.
deep down, i dont want to be with someone who comes to see me, because their bored. i know im not being rational, but you dont know how good it feels to be with him -at times, or talk to him-.
he is not aware of my feelings, even though i think it's pretty obvious.
i dont know how i got caught up with this emotion, we talk may be 2 or 3 times a week, but its online chatting, not even on the phone.
even though im always the one leaving the sweet messages only when we are actually on good terms; yet when we have an argument and stop talking for 1 or 2 months, his the one to always contact me.
***am i reading too much into this?***
i just want to let him go completely, and simply be his friend.-
i dont know why it is so hard for me to accept that. i keep having illusions; i just want to snap my fingers and wake up.
any advice, greatly appreciated.
thanks,
Githela

Well looks like we're in the same boat, well except for the fact that i actually dated the guy i'm in love with. However he doesnt feel the same way about me. I wish i had some advise for us, because this is so hard. Do you find yourself losing sleep and missing work because of it too?
This guy and I dated for 10 months. I said i love you to him adn he said he couldnt say it back because he can never love anyone again because he's been hurt too many times in the past. I understood that and didnt judge him based on this.
I always felt like i was being used somehow. I know he liked to be with me. We'd wrestle, snuggle, you name it, but as soon as it was time to go out with his pals or mine he would barely even acknowledge me. I felt like he was ashamed of me. (i'm a bigger girl and not all that pretty).
He broke up with me in September without a reason, but he promised me it wasnt for someone else. I just wanted a reason and tried to get it out of him but no luck. The same night we broke up i went to the bar to drink away my sorrows and he was there, He pretended like nothing had changed between us, so needless to say i was confused. Ever since that day we've still been hanging out. It's really messing with my mind. And we've even fooled around a few times too. I know he's just using me. Cause the only time he wants to do anything is when its convenient for him. But i like telling myself that he's still with me etc. The worst part os going to be when he moves on to another chick. I dont kow how i'd handle it.
Sorry for venting about my situation, but it is kind of similar. The guys we are both in loev with dont love us back and probably never will. I have no clue how we move on. My friends all say just to avoid him, but its impossible. He's friends with my best friends. We all go out every week.
If u wanna vent to me at all you're more than welcome to, my email address is mycatsnameisziggy@hotmail.com
Take care,
Janet
Your situation sounds very familiar.
Githela,
You need to stop the online chatting and break away from him completely, no more contact. There is no point trying to be his friend when the reality is your feelings run much deeper than that. You are investing precious time and emotion in what will ultimately end in bitter disappointment.