why it's great to be single!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
why it's great to be single!!
60
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 2:43pm

Ok people. i just got out of a relationship, and I honestly don't know why it's good to be single...my friends keep telling me it's great - their stories don't support the arguement.

so let's come up with a list of reasons why it's great! (real ones)
(i live with roommates so...none of that long shower crap)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 12:05pm

Hmm. I think I could probably enjoy being single more too if I knew for a fact that I would find love, say in the next year and would be set.

But I don't. And like you, I don't think it is guanranteed and may not happen. I know plenty of single, unhappy people in their 40s and 50s and as much as I want to stay optimistic, it seems like a real prospect for me.

And again, I don't think being single would bother me much if I was in and out of several relationships over years but as of now, I've been in one and haven't had any real prospects in almost 2 years. Just seems like scarce chances these days.

Sometimes I wonder how many more years do I have to wait?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 12:05pm

I totally believe that one is capable of being "happily single" i don't think that happyness should rely on being in a relationship or not. I believe I can be happily single. I have great friends, i'm finishing a great degree, I am great with money. I guess I'm just not sure i saw the benefits of being single.

and to the poster who said my title was unclear - yeah you're probably right, i just was trying to be "upbeat!" haha.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 12:27pm

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

I think one reason I share your view, (that I may not meet someone) is because of my Mom (never married, and never acctually finding 'the one') my grandma's marriage was an abusive one, so she divorced and finally found her one, but not until she was late 50s...(frankly not the story i want for myself)

My friend's parents now seem like they are all having problems. Three have split up in the last two years, and one had affair problems, but worked through it.

So obviously they all got married - but to the wrong people. I don't want to get married for the sake of getting married, but I don't want to end up alone like my mom, which scares me the most.

And hearing all my friends stories about being single just don't sound fun at all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 12:48pm

Because if you want something bad enough, it will happen. Quite frankly, I am TIRED of worrying that it will or will not happen. And you know what, I am so much HAPPIER now. I have also seen friends who were also in my position as being a successful and independent woman, get married. So if they can do it, so can I and everyone out there who wants it enough. It's called having faith.

And no, I do not want a live in partner. I want a full-fledged loving and caring husband who I can start a family with one day. That is one of the reasons I am getting out of advertising and going into a another career field.

And you know what, the chances of me getting married are high. I have my life together and I consider myself a catch. I could just date any guy, but I want to wait for that "one" for me. But I do feel that if a person wants something badly enough and they do things to increase that chance, then it is just a matter of time. So yes, it will happen for me one day and YOU. You just need to try to be happy in the meantime, because it makes us look like an unhappy person, which is so unattractive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 1:01pm
28 and nearly 90% of people I know are single so I hear a lot of stories from all typpes of people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 6:06am


'Asking why it's great to be single is almost like asking why it would be great to be the only person on Earth. Reasons can be found like no traffic to contend with, no queues at the bank or supermarkets, not having to work and being able to do anything you want. But what is the opportunity cost?'

Could not have said it better..stating that being seing is great is just some people's way of coping with how hard it really is, for dozens of reasons. People were not meant to be by themselves - it is against human nature. I have been there, and I never ever want to be there again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 9:09am

I think it is a great example of working within a partnership. She does have choices. She can choose to be in the relationship or out of it. By choosing to stay in the relationship, she is choosing to be in a financial arrangement where her husband works and she doesn't. (Is she a stay-at-home mom?) She is choosing to have enough respect for herself, her husband and the financial agreement they have made to not blow their budget.

She is still free and independent. And she is only answering to herself for the commitment she has made and her personal integrity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 9:24am

<< She is still free and independent. And she is only answering to herself for the commitment she has made and her personal integrity. >>

I don't see how anybody who is financially supported by other people and does not work or earn income herself, can be "independent." Why are you so sure it was her "choice" not to buy that 30-dollar handbag? Maybe it was her husband's choice to buy a $3,000 home entertainment center, and that's why they didn't have money left for anything else? He was the one controlling income and therefore, making decisions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 9:25am

Yeah, I feel like if I really have to sit down and make a list of why its so great, that is probably because it isn't that great but we have to come up with reasons so we don't feel too bad.

I don't ever recall being in a relationship and making a list of why it was so great. I was just so happy, I never had to sit down and take inventory. In fact, those trivial things never crossed my mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 11:28am

Unless she is being held in an abusive relationship against her will, she is choosing to be there within the structure of that relationshiop. She has the freedom to leave it at any time she chooses to.

I say it was her choice to not purchase the handbag, because she chose not to purchase the handbag. She could have just as easily chosen to purchase it. She made a conscious choice. Regarless of whatever choice her husband may or may not have made, she made a commitment to herself to have integrity and honored that commitment.

Unless you are living on a self-sufficient farm...growing all your own food, manufacturing all your own clothing and doing whatever else you need to do to meet all your other needs, you are financially supported by others. You rely on your employer to pay you for your time. The employer relies on the consumer to purchase the product/service. The consumer relies on her employer for payment for her time... the argument is circular. Do you feel less independent for relying on others for your financial security?

I was a stay-at-home mom before my children started school. My husband provided for us financially. I never felt less independent for not bringing money into the home. We worked together on our financial plan and we both made sacrifices because we believed it our responsibility to raise our children rather than turning them over to a daycare. We controlled our money together. We made the decisions together. There was no powerplay.

That is just my personal experience and I am not so naive as to believe it is like that everywhere.