why it's great to be single!!
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why it's great to be single!!
| Tue, 06-27-2006 - 2:43pm |
Ok people. i just got out of a relationship, and I honestly don't know why it's good to be single...my friends keep telling me it's great - their stories don't support the arguement.
so let's come up with a list of reasons why it's great! (real ones)
(i live with roommates so...none of that long shower crap)

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<< I was a stay-at-home mom before my children started school. My husband provided for us financially. I never felt less independent for not bringing money into the home. We worked together on our financial plan and we both made sacrifices because we believed it our responsibility to raise our children rather than turning them over to a daycare. We controlled our money together. We made the decisions together. There was no powerplay.
That is just my personal experience and I am not so naive as to believe it is like that everywhere.>>
I think it is very good that you had such experience, and also an encouragement for others. I am not going to say that I know everything about being married with no independent income, as I have never been in such situation. But it just seems to me that in such cases, people COULD be more easily subjected to powerplay (that you mention), if both partners don't have enough integrity and respect for each other.
Edited 6/29/2006 11:54 am ET by pimbiroo
pimbiroo,
My argument isn't "being single sucks". What gave you that impression? I'm in the "being single is great" camp but I disagree with many of the reasons people have given.
>Well, but then you are saying that couplehood
>is an economic necessity
No I am not saying that. I am saying that some single people may end up better off financially when they meet someone. Therefore (IMO) being able to spend money the way you want is not really a valid "great" reason for being single.
>So what you saying is that people get married
>mainly because of economic reasons
Again, no I am not. Marriage is a different issue altogether because it is beyond just being in a relationship. Two people can live separately, have their own income that they can spend how they choose and still be in a relationship together. Like I said before, not all men are control freaks.
"My argument isn't "being single sucks". What gave you that impression? I'm in the "being single is great" camp but I disagree with many of the reasons people have given."
This is just your opinion and the other peoples' reasons that being sinlge is great might not mesh well with you, but it works for others. As long as everyone's reasons fit them in the best possible way to ensure their own happiness, what does it matter to anyone else? Until everyone comes to terms with being single and can see the positives of their own single lives, they will just remain unhappy. It's not anyone else's job to judge what makes other people happy. Right?
I thought I came on here to give some great examples of what makes ME happy being single, but it just seems that everyone is judging others reasons to just prove being single sucks. The point of this thread is to encourage our lives right now. What's so great about it? Well, yes, being in a loving relationship is everyone's goal here, BUT this is what's great in the meantime and personally, I do love it.
Maybe it is because I am a little older then the crowd here, but until people can come to terms with being single and it not being a curse, then it will just be an inevitable miserible cycle.
<< Maybe it is because I am a little older then the crowd here, but until people can come to terms with being single and it not being a curse, then it will just be an inevitable miserible cycle. >>
Yes, exactly, in order to be in a mutually rewarding and respectful relationship, people first need to develop their own sense of individuality, to find and establish themselves as persons and individuals. If they don't do that and only hope that Prince Charming will appear and make them happy, then they risk never being happy. Yes, it happened in the past that people got married at a much earlier age, and usually for economic and social reasons. Women didn't have jobs, it was socially unacceptable, it was almost impossible for a single woman to survive. Often they were forced into powerless and loveless relationships and marriages. Today they don't need to get married at 17 any more just in order to survive. They can develop themselves as persons, find out who they are and what they want to do, and exercise their choice in finding a suitable partner.
Exactly!! Harrah!
At least we agree :)
But isn't that just adding fuel to the fire that many people don't find being single to be fulfilling and are just marking time until the right person comes along?
They are seeking self-identity and fulfillment just to present a better package to a potential partner?
As I said in the "the single life" thread I started, I thought these boards would be about the celebrations of being single. Instead, I find most of the topics here are about how to and why haven't I found the one.
For some people (male and female), being single works. It absolutely fits their personality. For others, it doesn't work. They seek the partnership and balance of a relationship. Neither is right or wrong, they are just different.
"As I said in the "the single life" thread I started, I thought these boards would be about the celebrations of being single. Instead, I find most of the topics here are about how to and why haven't I found the one."
This is exactly what we are trying to emphasize here, by pointing out all the GREAT things about being single, but it just ends up being so negative. Which in end, just perpetuates the views that others bestow on us, and in turn make us feel bad again. It is a vicious cycle.
The reason I am trying so hard to get others to see this is not so bad, is because a couple of years ago, I was 27/28 and I was unhappy with a capital U! I thought that being single was the worst, I was depressed, I thought that if I remained single throughout my life that I could not handle it... I was a mess and miserable. I could not find happiness in the other areas of my life because I was so hung up about being single. I was basically looking for somebody to fill that void I felt and it was affecting other areas of my life!
Now do I have my moments still of getting down because I am alone? Absolutely. But being single does not devastate me anymore and I find now that I don't worry about it and I am more happy with everything in my life. I am just HAPPY. And you know what? I have been dating more. I have been attracting better guys (of course there were some jerks, too. They still exist) and I was having more fun! Once I made the decision that being single was not so bad, I got a new view on life and I began to enjoy my life as it is. AND in turn, being single did not bother me anymore. I really feel that too many of us singles, put too much pressure on other people to make us happy. We need to fill that ourselves. Nobody can do that for us. It has to come from within.
You can be single and happy. It can be done.
<< They are seeking self-identity and fulfillment just to present a better package to a potential partner? >>
No, I just meant that if they have that sense of self-identity, they are much more likely to be in a successful relationship when they find somebody. They are more likely to treat their partner with respect, and be more responsible for their actions and attitudes. They won't be overly dependent and have unrealistic expectations of their partner and the relationship. Because of their well developed sense of personhood, they will be able to better negotiate the relationship, and even when it doesn't work out, they won't feel as losing their entire self-worth.
<< For some people (male and female), being single works. It absolutely fits their personality. For others, it doesn't work. They seek the partnership and balance of a relationship. Neither is right or wrong, they are just different. >>
I totally agree. I just think that the chances of finding a happy relationship are bigger for people who first learn to accept and respect themselves, and be happily single.
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