Why must I represent for the singles yet again?!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Why must I represent for the singles yet again?!!!
22
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 3:13pm

I just need to vent. My friend's birthday party is this weekend and I thought she was doing girls only. No she's doing couples. Her husband, all their married friends, and another of our engaged couple friends! Who's the odd, always single man out? Me of course!

I'm so sick of this! Why do I always have to freaking carry the single cross? I'm ready to put it down. Even Jesus had someone come along to help him carry his cross on the way to calvary. I've been the single one so many times (from college, to newly working girl, to more established woman, to 40 in 60 or so days) and I'M SICK OF IT! Why is it so hard for me to meet someone who can actually be in a relationship? The one guy I would ask to go with me of course, has to be working out of state for two months and he's nowhere near here so I've got to put on the brave face (I, of course will look flawless doing it) and smile while all the couples talk about their couple stuff and dance together.

I'm trying to tell myself that I'll be free to mingle and meet all kinds of men, but the fact is, there are never any there to meet. I guess I'll entertain myself chatting up some loser or gay dude. I HATE THIS GARBAGE!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 12:45pm

Wow! I didn't know my vent would generate such a controversy! :smileyvery-happy: At least people are talking!

Well for those who are wondering (or care), I did go and it was fun! I have awesome friends, and while I did end up as the only single (unmarried, unattached) in the group of seven, I did dance at all the clubs we went to, often with multiple men crowded around me. I'm kind of a life of the party kinda girl, and I can get folks going on the dance floor. I even chatted with a few dudes, who ended up being jackasses, but I think they are generally jackasses. No reflection on my singleness.

I had the watchful eyes of my friends husbands (who are also friends) to make sure none of these dudes got out of line (which is a plus of being single while out with friends), and we celebrated my girl's birthday in style! I always have a great time, but I can admit that it gets frustrating not having a guy of my own to dance with, or hold hands walking down the street with, or all the other stuff couples do when they are together.

Finally, to xxx (or whatever your name is) who said something about my values and priorities being screwed up (or again, whatever you were blabbering about)...dude you're such a non-factor.

To everyone who scolded him and supported me, thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 10:52am

 

'...While Marina had unique situations, she did start interesting discussions'

 

Someone said the 'M' word!! :smileysurprised:

 

Sigh. So agree. I miss her/him/them. Real or not, 'she' sure wasn't boring. Made this board 'happening', active.  And brought up things none of us would dare mention in a million years....

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 08-26-2012 - 11:59am
"It's frustrating to see recent continued negativity on this board as the new posts dry up quickly as well. It has been a helpful board in the past to read. While Marina had unique situations, she did start interesting discussions. Thank you Music for at least hanging in there with your intelligent and tactful responses!"

I didn't take offense to X's post either.  I would rather read his opinions, (even if they are blunt or rough around the edges) than read an opinion from someone who never initiates a thread or shares next to nothing about their own experiences.    
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

IMO you values and priorities are mixed up.  Why is it even important to have a relationship?  You harm yourself if that is written on your sleeve.  Having someone to go with you to these events?  Really?  I have been single and have no worry about going to weddings etc.  I go have a good time and go home.  Before you are truly ready for a relationship one must have come to grips with yourself.  The first person you must love is yourself.  Be selfish.

I don't agree that this was an attempt by xxxs to be positive--at least to me it doesn't seem "positive." Right off the bat he's telling her that her values and priorities are "messed up" because she wants a relationship. How is that messed up, and how is that a positive statement? We know from past posts that xxxs doesn't want a relationship, but frankly, most people do, both men and women. And who's to say she has this "written on her sleeve"? Plus, I have gone to many, many events and parties by myself, but you know, you do get tired of it, and I would guess that most single people (especially women) get tired of it. It doesn't mean we aren't "truly ready for a relationship" just because we don't want to go to events alone and that we want a relationship. And yes, of course, anyone can overdo that. They can be constantly bemoaning it to anyone within earshot, plus they may stay at home and never go anywhere rather than face going alone again. And yes, of course we should "love ourselves" but pul-eeze--we want to love another person, too.

Just my two cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sat, 08-25-2012 - 10:25am
Wow, when did this board become the Crabby Life, very negative (not the original post). Boat Guy's response to the OP offered an opinion about being independent while not in a relationship, that's all. It would seem if there is a disagreement about past posts then it would have been more appropriate to reply to those posts. This one by him is clearly an attempt at a positive response. This is a message board of varied opinions that is supposed to be moderated tactfully instead of trying to shut down people who don't have opinions that match.
 
Also, for a person who only recently appeared quite happy over making out, hooking up or whatever with guy she didn't even have a date with, and before that had an FWB situation which also involved no dating, there is nothing wrong with that, however, chewing out Boat Guy about his stance on sex seems amazingly hypocritical and ironic.
 
It's frustrating to see recent continued negativity on this board as the new posts dry up quickly as well. It has been a helpful board in the past to read. While Marina had unique situations, she did start interesting discussions. Thank you Music for at least hanging in there with your intelligent and tactful responses!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

I am late coming in to here but since I am the old person here on the board and Yoda I would say that yes it sucks going to things alone but then again I know that if I have that attitude I wont do anything.

I have gone out alone and been alone at parties and functions.. Do I like it?? Not really but I do it and suck it up.. My sis has parties and gatherings and I am usually the only person alone at these things along with other parties I go to. Sometimes I ask my guy friend and he might go or other times I go alone.. I dont like it but I do it because otherwise I guess I would be just sitting home alone and its better if I go out alone and mingle with others than just sitting home..

The other night I went to a concert with a guy I know.. He is pleasant and just a casual acquaintence.. I had a good time but I k ept thinking I wish I was with a boyfriend or someone I was happy to be in a relationship with.. then I thought well It was fun and atleast I had a nice time or I would have just sat  home alone.. Atleast it got me out and enjoying music and a nice friend.. It doesnt take away the pain of being alone but what else can we do??

Off subject... CFK How the heck did you know how to spell Ho'rdourves.. Did you do spell check ? (lol)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think that men & women perceive going to an event alone differently.  I will often go out to eat or drink & see men sitting alone at a bar--people really don't think anything of that and it appears that a lot of men feel comfortable doing it.  Women usually don't--I have done it while traveling because I feel like I have an "excuse" if someone talks to me--oh, I'm from out of town.  I would feel so strange going to a bar alone near home even though I have thought about it--like going to a sports bar while a game is on and eating so at least I could watch the game if no one talks to me.  But when people see a woman alone sitting at a bar it's assumed she's an easy pickup.  No one thinks like that about a man.  I just think that men feel much less awkward being alone--although I'm sure some men are shy about it.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 5:52pm

Ignorant? Not at all. there is a difference between wanting and receiving or obtaining.  There is a difference in attitudes that result in frustration than seeing ways to over come what ever is preventing one from the achievement of goals.  Wanting, then not taking positive action and attitude is not a prescription for success. 

   Wanting too much does leave a person vulnerable to those who will use them.  These are thoughts that I and formulated thru years of observation of human behavior backed by research. 

Just fun, just sex, no ties and no lies.  

  Read again what I wrote.  In no place is there any talk of sex.  That is a projection by others.  Actually if the later stages are not fun then one can just go home.  Several others expounded that is a course of action they would take.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012

Way late to the game...but report me.

I dont care how you live your life but u were ignorant to the OP.   If we are just casually cruising for sex then your post was fine.    But in the situ, you were being an as*, and others called you on it.

I have been in your situ.   Just fun, just sex, no ties.   But the OP is/was looking for more.

 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 1:31pm

IMO the op seemed so much into it that it is like she is placing a barrier to her attainment of a want.  Most men would see that as needy and clinging.

  There is another factor.  Males will go alone we look for free food,free drinks,schmoosing potential business associates,etc.  I myself prefer going alone so I am not having to cater to another who might be bored while I am having a good time or vice versa.

dragowoman

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