Why OH Why!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Why OH Why!!!!!
33
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 10:36am

Why is it that when a guy is pursuing you and you finally start showing interest back, they suddenly lose interest?

Why is it that a guy will ask to see you/hang out/get to get together, yet soon as you give them the ok/your available days/ask them out, they don't return your message?

Why do guys lose interest after sex?

Why do guys lose interest within 2-3 months?

Why are guys not interested in dating these days?

Why don't many men take much interest in a woman's mind or feelings?

Why don't most guys feel anything ever?

Why don't most guys care?

Why are so many guys so emotionally voidant?

Why can't I attract a guy that cares (instead of guys that pretend to care then reveal that they really don't).

Why is it that a man can have such a great relationship with his mom and sisters, yet not have any respect or courteous to every other woman in the world?

Why are so many guys content with emotion-less sex?

I dont't expect answers and I'm of course making huge, sweeping generalizations here. I just needed to get that off my chest. Cause here I am after initiating messages with 2 so-called interested guys 3 days ago and no response from either. I'll bet both will coming calling late on Friday to see what I'm up to and that will be too daggone late.

Why! Why! Why!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
In reply to: cl214
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 11:22am

"Why is it that a man can have such a great relationship with his mom and sisters, yet not have any respect or courteous to every other woman in the world?"

They probably don't. They just don't realize it.

As for the rest of the questions, I guess they are some of the world's best mysteries.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: cl214
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 11:32am

I understand your frustrations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: cl214
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 11:37am

I actually don't look to date or go out and pursue men anymore cause I'm just gotten sick of always having to be the pursuer. But I do accept dates from men outside my social circle. They just always end up telling me the same old tired story; they don't really want a relationship.

I think just for kicks, the next time a guy asks me out, I should just ask him staight up if he's looking to date or for a relationship. If he says no to either, then just decline and be done with it. I think I give way to much benefit of the doubt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
In reply to: cl214
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 11:39am

Why do guys lose interest after sex?

WEll, one thing you could do is not give it up. If a guy is TRULY interested in you he WILL wait. I had a girlfriend when I turned 20, she didn't even kiss me until after 2 months. She just wanted to make sure I was not just interested in a physical relationship.

Why do guys lose interest within 2-3 months?

Well if he is seeking sex and he is not getting it or he got it and that is what he was seeking, than that is probably why.

Why are guys not interested in dating these days?

Not true with every guy. Guys have the same problems sometimes as the women, trust me..

Why don't many men take much interest in a woman's mind or feelings?

I do and so do other guys. You gotta guard your heart and that of the person you are seeing.

Why don't most guys feel anything ever?

WE do, I think in society, there is a stigma that guys are suppossed to appear tough on the outside. But on the inside we face the same feelings, emotions as women do. Some may not care, some just suppress it.

Why don't most guys care?

We do, while cannot speak for eveyone, that's why we open doors, buy flowers, etc. Some guys care more than you think. You never truly know a person's heart, unless they share it. I think a lot ogf guy's are afraid to, just like you women we don't want to get hurt.

Why are so many guys so emotionally voidant?

I think it may go back to wanting to appear strong and manly on the outside.

Why can't I attract a guy that cares (instead of guys that pretend to care then reveal that they really don't).

I reaaly don't think you attrac a certain type of guy, it's the process of weeding to wrong ones out.

Why is it that a man can have such a great relationship with his mom and sisters, yet not have any respect or courteous to every other woman in the world?

I really don't think I've seen too much of that.

Why are so many guys content with emotion-less sex?

They must be the ones in LUST.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: cl214
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 11:48am

Thanks for your responses.

I don't have sex with any of the guys I've dated so that may be why they do not last. But that just brings me to why I only seem to attract men that want sex only. I am a very well-rounded person and I've met guys everywhere including being set up by friends and family and yet their real interest seems to be the same thing: physical sex. Nothing else. And if they aren't interested in sex then they just want to be friends only, no dating.

I know you have no answers for me. I'm just at a loss here as I scramble to find Friday night plans that don't include another girls night (I love my girls but ever weekend for 7 months!) or staying in and watching another dumb movie.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
In reply to: cl214
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 12:00pm

My brother-in-law told me this one time and there might be some truth behind it since he was a player at one time when he was younger.

This is what he says.... Women who are pretty attract a lot of the "wrong" type of men. It's a two fold. Pretty women attract guys who are looking for either validation or the chase. Meaning guys want to think they can "get" the pretty girl; either to make themselves feel good or to validate that they can get the beautiful woman. They were not really interested in the woman per se, but more to see if they can get her.

Second part. Men are visual. So when they see a pretty girl, they immediately think of sex. So it could be they're looking for sex, not the woman.

So we can probably see why some guys don't work out when we really think about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
In reply to: cl214
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 12:02pm

This seems to be a dilemma that women all across the world are facing. I really don't have any answers for you except to tell you that people have changed. Women are now much more free hearted giving away sex, practically throwing it up at men so that's one of the reasons why men aren't interested in pursuing a relationship.

A man figures why should I have the headache of a relationship or marriage when I can go out and randomly sex up any broad I want to? Let's face it, there's a plethora of a women who will have sex the first time she meets a guy. Just read the boards or listen to your friends.

And for the men who say they have it just as bad as women, the truth is they really don't. They can find whomever they want to settle down with whenever they want to actually settle down because women do not have the same mentality as men. Also women will overlook a lot of things with men whereas men can afford to be more choosey.

All I can say to you is be forward and direct with what you want. If he's telling you he doesn't want a relationship, move on. Don't keep hanging around him thinking he'll change his mind. Men say what's on their minds.




Edited 6/22/2006 12:05 pm ET by luvmycurves
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: cl214
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 12:09pm

That actually makes a lot of sense. I swear I only attract a certain type of guys but everyone keeps dismissing that theory.

And I never meet so-called "nice guys". This one guy I'd been seeing since late March was suppose to be this nice guy (everyone said so) and yet now he's barely returning my messages.

Whatever.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cl214
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 12:27pm

I have a few comments and questions on your posting.

1. Why should I have a relationship if I can have sex with "anyone?"
My response is for myself is that I am seeking to have a long term committed relationship with someone and therefore having sex with "anyone" does not work for me for it detracts from finding that person for it diverts my time, attention, and energy away from what I want. I DO want the "headache" of a relationship for I would love to have a partner where I can hold hands with, cuddle, share my life with...

2. Men can settle down whenever they want with whomever??? Hmmm... WTF? I do not find that in my experience. I have been spending the last 6 yrs looking for that special one so I am very curious on what you think that makes men different from women in finding someone.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
In reply to: cl214
Thu, 06-22-2006 - 12:31pm
Well..... I think that even the nicest of guys do this too. I don't think there is one guy who is like this, but more all men have the ability to chase women for all the wrong reasons. I think if the guy is stable and sane, it probably has more to do with maturity and wanting to settle down.

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