Why OH Why!!!!!
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| Thu, 06-22-2006 - 10:36am |
Why is it that when a guy is pursuing you and you finally start showing interest back, they suddenly lose interest?
Why is it that a guy will ask to see you/hang out/get to get together, yet soon as you give them the ok/your available days/ask them out, they don't return your message?
Why do guys lose interest after sex?
Why do guys lose interest within 2-3 months?
Why are guys not interested in dating these days?
Why don't many men take much interest in a woman's mind or feelings?
Why don't most guys feel anything ever?
Why don't most guys care?
Why are so many guys so emotionally voidant?
Why can't I attract a guy that cares (instead of guys that pretend to care then reveal that they really don't).
Why is it that a man can have such a great relationship with his mom and sisters, yet not have any respect or courteous to every other woman in the world?
Why are so many guys content with emotion-less sex?
I dont't expect answers and I'm of course making huge, sweeping generalizations here. I just needed to get that off my chest. Cause here I am after initiating messages with 2 so-called interested guys 3 days ago and no response from either. I'll bet both will coming calling late on Friday to see what I'm up to and that will be too daggone late.
Why! Why! Why!

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First, please don't respond to me with the WTF. I find that very offensive when I'm only expressing my views/opinion if you will.
Secondly, men are not in a disadvantage as women are. Women out number men all over the world so men are bound to find their match in more ways then one. I'm not saying all men don't have a hard time find a good woman but for the most part it's mostly women so we are definitely at a disadvantage.
It's a man's world when it comes to dating. You guys have the upper hand.
To luvmycurves and mhash,
Please don't yell at me but what luvmycurves said does seem to be true. Granted, I do think there are men out there that want relationships and can't find a good match but it seems like they are the exception, not the rule. Again, I'm not speaking for men or basing this off any research. Just speaking from my own experience, it does seem like men can afford to be picky. For instance, I know nothing but beautiful, educated (master's and above), fun-living, sexual, intelligent women and they are all single because they can't find a guy that will commit and not continue looking.
I also continue to meet more women like this (just made several new friends in the last month) and again all single. I went to a club in DC a few weeks ago and was astounded at how many beautiful women there were. Not saying they are all total packages, but I can see why a guy (particularly in their 20s and 30s) would feel like a kid in a candy store. They are EVERYWHERE. Sometimes I think the competition is too stiff. My guys friends however, usually have a few women 'friends' on hand for dates, sex or whatever. And they keep adding to the list.
And it is far worse in the Black community in Baltimore where women outnumber men 100 to 64!
Again, not trying to add fuel to the fire, just my little observation.
Thank you for POV. That's my point exactly. I'm not Black but I am half Latina half white and it's the same thing.
I have heard it's far worse in the black community. I just feel so badly for the black women. There are an abundance of many beautiful black women who are well together but still single by age 30 and I feel badly for them. My co-worker is black and she's always complaining to me about not being able to find anyone. I tell her it's no better in the caucasian community either! It's a little better with Hispanics but that's a different story. LOL!
But keep your head up girl, as long as you are aware how things are, you know it can't be just you!
Thank you for making your request clearly, directly, without blame, owning how you feel, and politely. For me, THAT is what clear communication is all about.
Mark
Thanks. I'm actually doing a research paper on the topic which is why I know the data for the black commununity. It is as bad as it sounds. We are the least likely of all racial groups to marry in the US due to a number of reasons and there is so few black men that have it together enough that they really can pick and choose (or they don't choose).
And I am all for dating outside my race and have done so quite a bit in recent years, but my best guy friend who is also white, has warned me about dating white guys and how a lot of them date black just to fulfill the fantasy of it and sadly (and I didn't want to admit it) it does seem to be partly true in my experience. They get all excited that I've taken interest, then realize their interest in me wasn't genuine and then pull out completely.
All I can say is oh well. Guess I should just focus on school and career and leave dating to the players.
I think dating for the black woman is doubly harder than anyone can possibly imagine. To some of us who've found the right one, more power to you. However for others it's not that easy. Finding quality black men are rare. So you say date outside your race? But like CL said, we have to be careful with that because many of them only want the fantasy of being with a black woman and don't wish to explore a relationship further.
I've only dated black men. I've had interests in white men also but somehow felt their interest towards me was only to see if I was as "wild" as they may have heard some of us to be and that I am most definitely not.
So what are we single black women to do? I say hold our heads up high, keep doing what we are doing which is living our lives as best we could and not selling ourselves short for any man.
If the moment comes my way, I will grab it but for now, all I can do is be me and be proud of me whether I'm married, or single.
<If the moment comes my way, I will grab it but for now, all I can do is be me and be proud of me whether I'm married, or single.>>
This thread is really interesting to me. I think there is a lot of wisdom in your words above though. I find most single women I know trying to do just that. One thread we may all have in common is that finding a man that is good for us is not completely under our control.
Which brings me to another question, why don't we expect more of men? And for that matter, of women? I know there are men and women out there that have standards but those few can't be responsible for keeping up the standards for all the single people trying to have healthy relationships. I think being proud of who you are no matter what your relationship status may be has a lot to do with who you'll allow in your life. Maybe if we concentrated on expecting more from a person we're dating, we could at least avoid disappointment. Of course, I guess that will likely keep you single for a little longer, too.
>It's a man's world when it comes to dating.
>You guys have the upper hand.
This is just plain and simply wrong. You will always have trouble dating if you actually think this is true. I read somewhere that only 3% of the male population are considered "naturals" when it comes to dating, the rest have trouble. Men do the chasing but women do the choosing. Women who keep making bad choices are the ones who are always complaining about men and coming up with outlandish theories to explain them.
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Well yes, like a feminist author said, "Some of us became the men we wanted to marry."
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/reader/0735200300/ref=sib_dp_pt/203-8071935-5477509#reader-page
You will be able to read the first few pages of chapter 1 online. See if that changes your opinion a little.
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