Why so easy for some & hard for others?
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| Mon, 06-12-2006 - 12:30pm |
One of the other posts got me thinking again about something I wonder about a lot....truly one of the things I ponder most about life is why it seems so easy for some people to find that "right" person and so hard for others? Like Biochic seems to indicate in her post, I used to think you found that person when you were "ready"...ie when you had gone through enough to sufficiently matured/developed to have a lasting, healthy relationship. So I always hoped, when I was "ready" he would come (kind of like "Field of Dreams" I guess). But I have gone through a lot of growing experiences to become the emotionally healthy & self-sufficient person I am today and have been "ready" for years--and "he" has still not arrived.
Don't get me wrong--I don't need a man to be happy, but at the same time I have always known having a family and a husband is something I want to experience in life--and I think everyone would agree having a loving spouse certainly can add another layer of happiness to life that you can't find alone (kind of like icing on the cake I guess). So here I sit as "ready" as I think I'll ever be, and yet, in five years, I haven't met anyone even close to being the one--and no, I'm not one of those people who whines "I can't meet anyone" yet refuses to be proactive--I've done internet dating, blind dates, etc. Nor do I have unrealistic standards--I simply want a kind,decent man whose company I enjoy.
I'll admit its getting frustarating to watch day after day, people who seem lucky enough to have thier "mr./mrs. right" just drop in their lap without having to go through the torture or chore of blind dating, internet dating, etc. People who fully acknowledge they admire my strength b/c they are strong enough to be alone, but yet, somehow seem to have luckily found what I would, as an impartial observer, say is a great match for them.
So in a nutshell my whole "you'll find it when you're ready" theory has been blown to bits. I hate to sound bitter, but the truth is...I am a bit discouraged...it seems I'm doing all the "right" things and have not found someone, yet everyone around me who doesn't seem to be doing the "right" things effortlessly find great matches. Luckily after reading these boards, I know I'm not completely alone in this. But I wonder--so what's the deal? Why don't we get our hapy endings? Is it truly just that life's unfair and that's the way the ball bounces? I hate to think that way, but at this point that's the only answer I have. Anyone else have an answer as to why its so easy for some and so hard for others?

I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't, and I am in the same boat as you. Just know that you're not alone!!! I often see it too, a lot of my friends seem to jump from one relationship to another, and I think "okay, they were with this guy for a year, then single for a couple months, and now in another great relationship" while I can count on one hand the number of dates I've been on, and there is one in particular, I am no longer friends with her, but she had a LOT of problems, mental and otherwise, she was always in a relationship (not always healthy) but she ended up marrying this wonderful man, and I just think "okay, do I need to be bat sh*t crazy and have crappy relationships to meet a good guy or what???". I'm as frustrated as you, but I know I want that happy ending, so I'm not throwing in the towel yet.
Hugs!
I responded to you on the other board, but since it ties into an earlier discussion we had here on this board, I'll just say that I believe the role that a "little bit of luck" plays is hugely important.
Sheri
Well, to me, that's where faith and belief in an afterlife come in.
And I personally get (some) satisfaction from doing the right thing just because...even if it doesn't come with any other rewards. You know, the whole "virtue is its own reward" thing ;-).
I've encountered someone recently who lives his life as you describe (a guy I had a fling with)...just doing what he wants and behaving selfishly, with no regard or concern for others...and while I'm fascinated by his amorality and think that life would indeed be easier if I could be that way...I know myself well enough to know that I'm just not that way and I don't *really* want to be.
Sheri
I understand how you could feel that your actions now don't affect the future, but they really do.
If you go to college, you'll most likely make more money.
If you obey the law, you'll most likely stay out of jail.
If you take care of yourself physically, you are more likely to live longer.
If you actually get out and do stuff, you're more likely to meet people in general- people who could lead to a good relationship.
I truly believe that those who do good are rewarded in the end, if not here on Earth.