Will he think it's a date?

Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Will he think it's a date?
18
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 4:37pm
For those of you who remember the guy #1/guy #2 saga, this will make more sense to you....

I finally got up the nerve to ask guy #2 to dinner to "thank him for taking such good care of me while I was sick" after drinking too much a couple of weeks ago. He agreed, but won't have another evening off until Monday and Tuesday of next week. He said he'd call me this weekend to let me know which day. So, my question is, first of all, did he say he'd call on the weekend to make an excuse to not commit to a day right now or could that really be the case? And, secondly, will he see this dinner as a date or as a new friend buying him dinner to thank him for taking care of her? Basically, will he see through my lame explanation of why I want to see him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 5:56pm
How about trying the following: Call him up and saying "I just wanted to make sure that you understand I"m interested in more than a platonic relationship with you. I didn't want that in question over dinner."

And see how he responds.

Asking guys out with this backwards approach reminds me of how I portage my kayak...slow and usually not effectively as is humanely possible.

Next time, ask them out directly with "I'm interesting in pursuing a friendship and seeing where that leads, would you care for dinner Friday night at Tortuga's, my treat."

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 9:49pm
i agree let him know that it's something you want to pursue as more then friends, you'll be kicking yourself if you not forward with him if you really like him
Avatar for schnappsers
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 10:34pm
Thanks for the advice. The only problem is that I'm not really 100% sure yet if I want it to be more. I don't know him well enough to know if the image I have of him is accurate. I tend to sometimes get unrealistic ideas of what some men are like based on only limited interactions. This guy seems to have a lot of the characteristics I'm looking for in a man, but I have to be careful to not let myself think that he's perfect for me. Right now I think I really like this guy, but what if that's not the case when I see him again?

My feelings toward him changed from thinking he was just a fun guy to hang out with and a potential friend to thinking he might become something more after the last time I saw him when I went home and really thought about some of the things he had said and done. I started thinking that by not being interested in him initially that maybe I was passing on a really great guy. I think that only more time with him will make things clearer for me.

If I do decide that I'd like to see where things could lead, I will make sure he knows that I'm interested in being more than friends.

Right now I'm really wondering how he'll take my invitation. I really do want to repay him in some way for taking care of me, but I also want the opportunity to get to know him better.

Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 10:49pm
I was just going to ask you how things were going with the man saga! Here's my take. Why do you need to worry about it right now? What you call it is irrelevant. How you act on the outing is. Sure, you could give him a prepracticed "I would like you to know this is my intention" speech, but in my opinion, that would put him off a little. You can show him your intentions by flirting if you want, touching his hand, smiling at him, and generally having a good time. Let the night dictate what you do, since you aren't really sure yet. At the end of the night if you want to see him again, just tell him you'd like to get together again.

When you are more sure, and you know him a little better, if he's not picking up that you are interested, then I'd say go ahead and reveal your intentions, but not the first time you go to dinner. I'd hate for you to say something that you want to take back later.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 1:40am
Yep, I agree! No need to worry about it now, or spell it out before the dinner.

I hope he calls and you go and have fun!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 3:37am
Very easy. When do actually go out - DRESS UP. Get yourself "date ready"...as soon as he see you, he'll know its a date :) Its as simple as that - no need to analyze...LOL...
Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 9:31am
Thanks! I intended to use flirting to make it clear I'm interested in him (if indeed I am). I can't imagine coming straight out and saying something. If someone did that to me, I think I'd pull back a bit. I can only imagine how a guy would take it. Besides, I'm a big chicken about that sort of thing anyway. It took several days of mental preparation to even call him in the first place and my hands were shaking when I hung up the phone. I guess I'm used to waiting for the guy to pursue me, but in this case, I realized he had no reason to think I was even interested in him after I opened my big mouth and told him I was interested in his roommate.


Edited 6/6/2003 9:32:19 AM ET by schnappsers
Avatar for schnappsers
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 9:34am
Good point! I'm sure I'll be trying on everything in my closet to find that perfect outfit!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 11:48am
Let's straighten this out.

You're not saying to him "I want a relationship with you." when making it plain you're potentially pursuing more than platonic involvement.

You're saying to him "I want to pursue getting to know you for more than platonic reasons and agenda of my own based on my desires."

That's you saying - hey, if you turn out to be as great as I think you might be, I want to date you.

You'll never KNOW if someone is going to live up to your standards and meet your needs unless you interact. And you can't interact unless you "interact". There's the wall. So "dating" is when you get to know them, and you show them the real you- and without projections towards more than the moment you're both living in at the time - you assess whether this person lives up to your standards with their own behavior, and whether this person shares your interests - based on their own attitude and actions.

Dating is NOT - hey, you're wonderful, marvelous, can't get enough of you, does Wednesday at 2pm suit you for a quick minute at the JP's office".


Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

Avatar for schnappsers
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-09-2003 - 9:28am
I must be a pessimist....I had myself convinced that this guy was not going to call to confirm a day to go to dinner. I got a very pleasant surprise last night when he did call. However, we're not having dinner tonight or tomorrow as we had originally discussed. He told me that he's expecting to be notified of a change in his work hours today and wants to instead plan for a night on the weekend. He made a point of mentioning that he really does want to have dinner with me and even mentioned it to the friend who introduced us.

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