Will I hear from him?

Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Will I hear from him?
13
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 11:14am
I recently decided to try online dating and managed to rule out every guy who contacted me, except one. We e-mailed regularly and chatted online for a few days before he asked for my number. I wasn't comfortable giving it out at that point, but when he asked again a few days later, I did give it to him. He called me this past Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday and we had great conversations for about an hour each time. We seem to have a lot in common and carried on conversations that varied from intelligent and deep to just plain entertaining. During our conversations he made it clear that he's not the type to play games and told me how much he enjoyed talking to me. So, I assumed that we both realized that our personalities are compatible and the only thing left was to see if there was any chemistry.

We met for dinner on Wednesday night and had a great time (or so I thought). Since I have a habit of overanalyzing things, I've been thinking about some of the things that I took as a sign of his interest. He reached over during dinner to turn my necklace around, and when I made a comment about an eyelash near the corner of his eye, he took my hand and basically directed me to remove the eyelash. He even commented on the fact that he'd have to do something about the fact that I haven't been to a certain local place. At the end of the evening, we walked to a subway stop together, and he gave me quite the goodbye kiss and said he'd e-mail me the next day (yesterday). Well, before he had a chance to e-mail, I decided to send him a short message thanking him for dinner and telling him that I enjoyed myself. I made a comment about work too. He responded, but with only a very brief message that was basically a complaint about how busy he was, but he ended the message with ":)", making me think he was trying to lighten up the tone of his message.

I really expected him to call last night, since he had called every day prior to our date, but he didn't. Since I know he normally doesn't have time to e-mail until late afternoon, I know I'm going to be dwelling on this all day. Can anyone give me their opinion? Am I stressing for nothing or will he really not call again? At what point should I give up on him?

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 11:31am
Yes, you are overanalyzing. He's busy- he said so. Take that at face value. If you start off talking to him everyday, where do you have to go from there? Give him some space!

If he does or doesn't call, you still had a good time with him. Don't count on him just yet b/c that'll only cause you to be more hurt if he doesn't call. Keep him in mind, but don't rule out other guys just yet.

Oh, and I know what you mean about being able to rule out a lot of those guys online. Where do they come from anyway!?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 6:41pm
This might sound confusing, but men don't call the next day. Even if they say they will. It's a mix between trying to act cool and playing hard to get. They also don't want to move too fast. Men normally wait two to three days at least before calling. If the date went so well, give him the benefit of the doubt that he is busy or just trying to be mysterious for you. Don't call or write back to him until he calls or writes to you. You don't want to seem desperate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 11:56pm
Just see what happens over the next few days.

I too have dated guys online recently.

The last guy i met with we got along greatly online chatting and on the phone. We seemed to have the same views about online dating and looking for future partners. We seemed to get along well in person too and ended the evening with alot of kissing and hugging.

I later found out that he just wanted to get into my pants. I don't know whether this was his thoughts of me from the beginning or whether something changed his thoughts to this during the time he was with me.

I'm not saying that this guy your talking about is thinking that way of you, but just be cautious if that isn't what you are after.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 12:21am
I have found this to be the case so often, not just in my own case, but for so many single women out there. Everyone gave excellent advice. It is really hard to not over analyze things when they go so well isn't it. I guess I have just reached a point of becoming cynical at times. I hope that he does call. And I hope that if he doesn't, you pick yourself up and dust yourself off, and start all over again. And about all the weirdo ones out there, the ratio seems to be 10 weirdos to 1 nice guy out there...what is up with that?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 2:00pm
I have been in this situation before. Personally I would just move on with things. If he calls fine, if not well the world is not going to end. They are way more men in this life that will treat you with common courtesy, and call you when they say are going to call or email when they say they will. Don't waste your time on call that may never come. Whatever you do, don't call him first. Men can tell when woman are desperate
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 3:34pm
men don't call the next day, i think they just say that to seem nice or spare your feelings or something...i would say yes your overanalyzing things don't feel bad i do the same thing start assuming things and then get myself all worked up. well what i'm trying to do is just go with the flow of things and let things happen and if i get hurt i deal with it and move on....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 10:11pm
Just a comment - in the future forget about that thank you email - it is too often transparent - say thank you and mean it while on the date and let him make the next contact. No I don't think he isn't calling because of the email it is just a suggestion. We all play the waiting game - hang in there - believe me I know how it feels!
Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 9:36am
Thanks for all the feedback. Our date was Wednesday and it's now Monday and all I got was that one brief e-mail. I've about given up. I'm still very confused about the whole situation. I thought he gave some pretty clear signals that he was interested, but perhaps he changed his mind. Oh well. His loss. I've already made plans with one other guy I met online (although I'm much less interested in this one) and I'm still communicating with another who seems interesting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 9:53am
One thought - perhaps he was busy with family for the holiday weekend (Easter or Passover?). My advice as someone who has met 40 men through on line dating - keep the conversation pre-meeting short enough so that you don't get attached - as in 30 mintues - one conversation only - just enough to make sure you are interested enough to meet this man for a 45-minute drink or coffee and to make sure he is not a total psycho. Expectations get unrealistically raised when you believe you are bonding with someone by phone or email prior to a face to face meeting. IMHO!
Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 1:15pm
Wow! 40 dates? I'd give up on the approach long before getting up to 40 dates! I'm already less enthusiastic about meeting men this way. I will definitely take your advice about keeping pre-date contact shorter. I did get used to hearing from the guy who never called after the date, so I guess I miss his e-mails and calls, but already I'm having a hard time remembering exactly what I thought made him so perfect for me. Next!

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