Women are just my friends I guess

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Women are just my friends I guess
19
Sat, 06-24-2006 - 5:01am

Ok I'll be honest, I just got home...it's late...I am drunk...and a little pissed off to put it mildy.

I am Italian so containing emotions is not one of my strong suits but I am done with trying to meet women and pursue them as anything other then friends...I love having women as friends because honestly they are easier to talk to and confide in but as far as relationships...it's just not worth it anymore...I wish I wasnt attracted to women the way I am...it only aggravates me and my situation...I am going to have to train myself to not be attracted to women I suppose.

I wish things were simple...I want girls as friends but I am sick of being attracted to them...it just just messes everything up!!!

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 06-24-2006 - 11:24am

Hey, you tell me how I can keep men from rejecting me, and I'll tell you how you can keep women from rejecting you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 5:08am

I cant explain anything.... I am giving up. I am sick of the problems and the headaches. If I havent met a girl by now who will give me more then the time of day I never will. I am sick of all of this crap.

I have friend who's ex girlfriend broke up with him because she said she was in love with Brad Pitt. It took her a year to break up with him but basically she stayed home from her classes and called in sick to work to look for picutres of Brad Pitt on the internet. Then complained how my friend didnt look like Brad Pitt...I know all of this because my friend lived with her.

Another girl I know has pics of Vin Disel all over her room....she wont date anyone unless they can get her attention the same way he does...that is a direct quote.

My cousin(a girl) is in love with Jude Law...when news about him cheating came out she said basically said it's ok for a guy like Jude Law to do that she'd let him do it , and then she said verbatim..." whoever I may marry isnt going to be a Jude so I wont stand for that sort of thing".

And lastly...my favorite...a girl I was getting friendly with in hopes of dating made a comment about a guy I playfully asked if she was interested in...the comment was- "no I cant like him that way, he doesnt work out enough"

It is impossible for me to imagine that a woman, any woman, could like me, love me, want me, more then somebody else. There is no way I can be what women want. Therefore I throw in the towel and say I am done with women...There is no point anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 9:17am

Well until you like yourself and stop playing the victim role, you cannot expect other people, men and women, to like you and want to be with you.

If you are so down on yourself which all your posts suggest, get some professional help. Otherwise nothing will change and you will stay being so depressed.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:28am

Where in the heck do you live?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:36am
I agree. If I were to guess the biggest challenge right now, seems to you your age. It sounds like you are young and the girls you are hanging out with are young as well. You seem to be wise for you years, but unfortunately you are surrounded by immature and shallow people, which will bring you DOWN. Meet new friends who share your value system.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 3:33pm
C'mon now...not all women are like that. Just like all men aren't liars, cheaters, etc. I know it can be frustrating when you're fed up with dating to blame the opposite gender and say all of them are bad. I used to do it myself. And I also know part of you is just venting, but I also think a part of you really does think there are no good women left. Just remember, not all of us are bad...you must have at least one woman you think is respectable/cool, etc.--ie your mom, sister, cousin? Anyone??? I finally learned that when I'm in a negative mood about men, rather than saying "guys suck", I need to focus on those men in my life who defy the stereotype and remind myself there are at least some good guys left in the world, I just have yet to meet him. This actually gave me hope rather than putting myself in a negative spiral of blaming men. Maybe you should try the same approach--find a few woman you genuinely like (again they do not have to be romantic prospects, cna be your mom, your sister, your best friends wife, etc.) and remind yourself there are GOOD ones out there. And just like anything worth having...it just may take a while to find it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 4:07am

I dont think I have met a single woman in my life I like...honestly...my mom and me do not get along at all and I havent seen her in 2 years. I dont have a sister. None of my friends are married and the girls they have dated or currently date are the basis for some of my feelings about women.

I am not sexist I just dont see eye to eye with women emotionally and mentally. It's not just women either I dont see eye to eye with most people in general. The few close friends I have are men.

Women do not lack anything in any way...this is just in terms of me...I do not feel compatible with the female gender in any way except that I am so overly attracted to so many of them...which aggravates me to no end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 3:54pm

Well, if you really can't find ONE single female you like, you have to start thinking about whether YOU are the problem. I'm honestly not trying to be rude, or insult you, but rather want to help you, so please read what I'm about to say with that in mind.

I've read several of your posts now and you seem very bitter about women and the world in general. But yet, you seem very hung up on looks--both the looks of women and how your looks compare to those of other guys (you feel the fact there are so many guys that are (in your eyes) more attractive that that prevents YOU from getting an attractive woman). You've mentioned several times now how you can't even talk to an attractive women because you get so nervous. You also keep gripping about immaturity in women. Hoever, what you don't realize is your constant focus on womens' looks or your attraction to them is just as immature. Just because a woman is attractive does NOT mean she is a good person, kind person or would even make a good gf. Similarly, just because a man is attractive does NOT make him a good person, kind or a good bf or friend. The fact that every attractive woman makes you so nervous signifies that to you, an attractive person is somehow "better" than you--which really means you are simply judging people's worths by their looks. As long as you keep focusing on trying to meet women or even friends who are attractive or automatically assume attractive people are the "best" you will continue to find the wrong thing. Once you start looking for people who truly have good hearts (regardless of their looks) you will start to find the RIGHT people. Similarly, you will find that many of those people are attracted to YOU (both as lovers and friends) b/c THEY will be looking at your good heart and not your looks (Please note I am NOT saying you are not attractive, I have no idea what you look like, I'm just saying to meet people who are truly capable of caring and being good friends will value the "real" things about a person (ie character, integrity, etc.), and won't even pay attention to their looks). Once you change your mindset, you will change your results. Focus less on "getting" a girlfriend and more on being a good person and hanging out with good people (regardless of their gender). I think you will be amazed at how you suddenly become a "chick magnet".

P.S. Don't get me wrong--I'm definitely not saying I was above this myself--I went through a phase like this for much of my teenage & college years. In fact, I wish someone had given me the same advice--it would have saved me a LOT of pain, that's why I'm trying to give it to you. For my part, I always wanted to hang out with the "popular girls"--the girls who had lots of guys hanging around them & who everyone looked at when they walked in a room. Yet, even though I was successful at befriending these girls, I was also constantly miserable. These "friends" would talk behind my back (and everyone else's) the second I left the room, steal my boyfriends and make fun of others they saw as less pretty. In fact the movie "Mean Girls" wasn't too far off from my life. One day, after crying yet again over something my one of my supposed "friends" had done to me, I finally realized, yes these people were fun, and yes, they attracted guys, but as friends and people in general they SUCKED! From that day on I started focusing on getting to know girls who seemed kind and who were not necessarily "popular." I noticed that these women were often just as fun/attractive as the "popular girls" once I got to know them and even better, they actually treated me like a true friend. Sure, they weren't "flashy" or the first ones everyone looked at in a room, but often that was because they were simply confident enough in themselves that they didn't NEED to be the center of attention. Instead they were content receiving attention from the people that mattered to them, not the world at large. Once I started focusing on the inner qualities, I met a lot more quality people. Give it a try--it works!




Edited 6/28/2006 4:05 pm ET by riskitgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 5:04pm
Yes, I agree with riskitgirl. You can't generalize about all women. This is like generalizing about "all people who have brown eyes"--just doesn't make sense. Try to see women as individuals. They can all be different. Then you can find out what you like in a person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 2:36am
Women can all be different...and not all women are bad, all people for that matter. I just feel lost I guess. I just dont feel like I have anything to talk to anyone about unless it whining like I am doing right now. I just have nothing in common with women.

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