Women honestly....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Women honestly....
33
Fri, 04-14-2006 - 8:48pm

I would like to know what you find attractive about a guy-pyshically, emotionally, mentally, and everything in between. Im interested to hear all the females honest opinions and feelings on this. Mention crushes, past boyfriends, celebrities whoever you find attractive as an example if you have to.

I like to hear what the female population thinks...and maybe I am taking notes lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 7:58am

Instead of thinking to yourself "What would a hot, charming guy say", think "what about her has sparked my interest that I can ask her about?".

I know when I am on a date, if I start thinking about myself too much, it makes me nervous, so I stay focused on asking my date about himself. This lets him know I am more interested in hearing about him than in talking about myself. This is actually a sign of self-confidence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 11:47am

That's exactly what you should do. I learned that in a presentation skills course I took. Don't focus on yourself, focus on the audience. When you are thinking about yourself you see every mistake you make and then you focus on those and get more and more nervous. So instead put your attention on the audience whether it's one person or a room full.

And whenever a guy approaches me I'm not focusing on things he says wrong anyway, I'm just happy to have caught his eye and have him come up and say hi. I think in those situations both people are nervous so you don't really pick up on things the other does "wrong"

Trina

-*~*- Trina -*~*-

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 1:54pm

Thats very true that a girl probably wouldnt notice negative things about me if I approach them but I dont know why I cant get it out of my head...

Maybe its not negative things so much but Im worried about being boring to these girls.

I feel like I come off as boring and as if I have no personality...I just feel like an idiot no matter what I say I dont know why.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 2:31pm

Ok, here goes... :-)

Physically:

I like blonde guys who have an athletic build (not covered in muscles, but toned, and with nice arms and a nice torso) and are reasonably sporty. A bare chest (no hairs) is nice too :-) And a guy should ideally be taller than me (I'm 5ft6). My last ex fit that picture to a T. Celebrity-wise I guess I find Jake Gyllenhaal and Tobey Maguire physically appealing.

Emotionally:

I like guys who don't freak out when I'm not 100% on some days. My ex hated that I didn't feel on top of the world all the time (he did, you see), and he didn't seem to know how to comfort me and make me feel understood when I had had a bad day. So emotional intelligence is a definite attractive point. My first ex had that quality in spades. I also like it when guys are loyal friends and treat people well. I could not be attracted to a guy who treated people badly or dismissively, or was disloyal or unreliable.

Confidence is also another big big attraction factor. There is this guy at work who is a lovely person, but has the worst self-image I have ever come across. He thinks he is a total loser and repulses women. And I must say, I find that a turn-off. He is not anywhere near as bad as he seems to think he is, but to be honest I would not find a guy attractive who talks himself down all the time. Some measure of confidence I would say is a fair minimum "requirement". My most recent ex was not the world's best-looking guy by any means, but he was easily the most confident man I have ever met. And I found that very attractive (and him, as a result).

Mentally:

I absolutely *adore* sharp, clever, witty men. Both my exes were extremely smart and sharp and I loved that about them and found that a huge turn-on! I think the celebrity epitome of those qualities is Mulder in the X-Files, as portrayed so brilliantly by David Duchovny. I had a *major* crush on him a few years ago.

I really like a guy who can make me laugh with a dry sense of humour and little word games and witticisms. A friend of mine that I have know for about 5 years now manages to crack me up in about 10 seconds flat, and his gfs (past and present) adored his sense of humour. Yup, sharpness and a dry sense of humour are a definite turn-on. As is inquisitiveness and curiosity in the world around you, as well as creativity (writing, painting, writing music).

Hope this helps :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 5:12pm

The same is true when dancing. I know if I am thinking about am I getting the steps right, then I make more mistakes and start being a "sorry" dancer. But when my focus is on my partner and just following his lead, then we are both having a good time. He is enjoying leading and I am enjoying following.

It is all about communication. Just relax, be yourself and enjoy the conversation, whether it is verbal or otherwise!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 11:00am

Some recurring themes from my past...

lots of eye contact
physical affection (hand holding, hugging, touching)
passionate
able to talk about anything - from emotions to politics
patient
confident but not cocky
kind to people
cares about the world outside of himself
good relationship with his friends and family
taller than me
bald or blond (not a requirement - just a theme)
fit and healthy, but not "buff" (also cares about staying healthy)
nice hands
nice smile
cute butt

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 11:09am

>>why does a guy need to be so confident<<

To me, lack of confidence signals someone who does not value himself or love himself. I know from experience that it is absolutely vital that someone loves himself to be able to completely love another person. Your partner can't do that for you.

That's not to say that a little shyness or awkwardness is a bad thing, as long is it's clear that you have come to appreciate and be proud of who you are. If you are constantly second-guessing yourself, that leads to trouble in a relationship.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 11:12am

>>I would talk to a girl and think to myself- "what would a hot charming guy say?"
<<

#1 - Be yourself. Never try to be someone else. The right girl will fall for you - not some image you try to project

#2 - Learn to think of yourself as the hot, charming guy. Believe it, and it will shine through.

Some of the most "hot and charming" men I know look nothing like Brad Pitt and will never be as smooth as James Bond -- they are really good at being themselves, being genuine, sharing something real. THAT's hot.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 11:19am

I dated a pretty boy back in college...gawd he was gorgeous - but dumber than a shovel. So my attraction lasted about a month.

Physically, my tastes have a wide range...it's intelligence, sense of humor, integrity - all those things that create a real attraction for me.

I don't care how attractive or wealthy a man is if he doesn't have a good character.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 11:37am

>>#1 - Be yourself. Never try to be someone else. The right girl will fall for you - not some image you try to project

#2 - Learn to think of yourself as the hot, charming guy. Believe it, and it will shine through.<<

You seem to be suggesting "self-confidence", a term bandied around so much that I have become lost. I think that we all agree on what is important, but we really have not talked about the "how" question.