Would you date someone with children?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Would you date someone with children?
8
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 10:54pm

Would you date someone with children?



  • Yes
  • No
  • **See next post for details


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 11:00pm

It seems like more and more of the population is getting divorced, some with kids, some without. I am 28 years old, never been married (heck, never really even had a BF if you want to get technical) and I have a pretty good idea what I want. Recently I had a guy on myspace e-mail me and sent a funny, cute e-mail and he's cute, lives in the area, etc. He is also divorced and has "proud parent" under his profile...who knows the stats of that, but my friend told me that I shouldn't discount this person solely based on that...one of my other friends never imagined herself being with a guy who has kids, but she is and she's really happy with him, and I'm happy for her, but I just can't see me doing that. I have friends that have kids and are out there dating and they admit that it's hard, but are there others on here that feel the same way? That they aren't looking to date someone with children, or are people making exceptions as it becomes more of a social norm?

I don't know, I guess I've always imagined that whoever I end up marrying, it will be the first time around for both of us and we'll have kids together down the road. I've budged on dating smokers and guys that have been divorced, but I'm not sure I could budge on the kids thing...am I a bad person for that?

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 7:47am

No, you're not a bad person for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 12:05pm

My answer isn't a straight yes or no.

Yes to grown or nearly grown, but no to little ones.


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 12:10pm

Of course you're not a bad person--everyone gets to want what they want!

At my advanced age of 48, though, it's pretty hard to avoid men with kids, plus I'm obviously not going to be having any of my own, so I'm ok with dating guys with kids. It is harder, however, if the kids are young.

I'm not willing to be flexible on dating a smoker however, so we all have our "things"!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 1:05pm
i think about a year ago, i would have written the exact same post as you... then i started dating a guy with a daughter :)
he gave me plenty of warning - told me not long after we met, but at that point i liked him so much already that i decided it was ok.
he only sees her every other weekend, and because of my screwed up schedule, i hardly see her, so it's a lot different than dating a full-time dad. but that doesn't mean it's not a big deal. it's kind of a double-edged sword. part of me is very nervous and uncomfortable with the kid element - what if i became a stepmom? that's scary! on the other hand, i know being a father has shaped P, in very good ways, and i have enjoyed reaping some of the benefits of that. he has a good relationship with his daughter, and that's a truly lovely thing to see.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2006
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 4:10pm
When your young it seems like eww.And i'm only 25 and I just had twins two months ago. I know alot of guys wouldn't want to get envolved with me because I have babies without really looking at the person Iam.
I think people are really concerned about"will this person ask me to be the other parent"and some people feel that way and others are just looking for a date.As long as the person is not forcing me to play mommie it's not that big of a deal to me. If you get serious with that person then yea you need to evaluate if you want to take on that child, but if you really love that person you will.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 12:18am
You're not a bad person at all. I was with a man for 4 years who already had a young child when i met him. I was young and naive at the time. It was a lot of hard work because the process of getting close to the man is also a process of getting close to the child to an extent, otherwise how else would the man feel comfortable marrying you and having a family with you one day if he can't see how you interact with the child he already has? It's also interesting to see how he deals with kids. I personally feel like I sacrificed too many years for this man. It was too difficult dealing with that dynamic. I want to have a child with a man who does not have other children... I learned that after being with my X. I liked the child a lot, and I liked him a lot but the "instant-family" thing didn't work for me. I will date a man who is divorced as long as other character criteria fit. I won't date a smoker. We all have certain things we look for. If deep down you really want to marry a man who doesn't have kids, then definitely don't date them. It will save a lot of heartache for everyone involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 10:02am
That's great :) Yeah, I found out that not only is this guy a full time dad, but he also home schools his kids....I think that's a little bit much, and just from the e-mails we've exchanged, he might be a little too quirky even for me! The Tigers just advanced to the next round of the playoffs (yay!) after beating the Yankess last night (double yay!) but he says he doesn't follow sports at all and never watches. we've been waiting for this for 20 years almost, everyone should be watching! :)
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