Would your best friend do this....?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Would your best friend do this....?
13
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 10:19am

Here is the "meat" of the dilemma followed by some back ground info. My "best friend" and I were chatting on MSN last night, she told me about a guy she went out that she met online. She also told me about someone else she has been talking too via MSN. I asked what his email was b/c I wanted to see if I had it or spoken toi him in the past (we are on the same site) and I could give her details if I had any on the guy. SHE WOULDN'T GIVE IT TO ME.....WTF?!?!?!?!?!?! I told her she was pathetic and signed off....

My supposed best friend and I have known each other since grade 11 (Im 34, she's 33). We have had our ups and downs , periods of not talking for months. We are pretty different people. In fact. opposites. I am the extrovert, the daring one, the "wild and crazy" one, the ones who talks to everyone, doesn't judge and wear my heart on sleeve. She is the absolute opposite of all those traits.
She FINALLY got on to a dating site that I am also on. I was so happy & excited for her. She has a sister who is somewhat like me personality wise and they used to fight over guys all the time. My friend can be very territorial and be rude (intentional or not) but I guess we all can be. I am floored that she is being like this!

incl

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 10:37am
Hmm...I don't understand why it's a problem that she did not want to tell you the guy's info...how did she say no?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 10:44am
she just said "no..."
incl
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 10:49am

I think it was kind of mean of you to call her pathetic and get pissy and sign off.

So she's being protective. So what? She doesn't date much, she's not as outgoing and as extroverted as you and she didn't want to share it with you. So what???

Was it really necessary for you to get so mad?

I think you may have overreacted.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 10:59am

Hey!

What pissed me off is I know she said no because she thinks I would email him...which is not me at all! I was only trying to help her...yet when it comes to me if I don't tell everything she gets pissed. I just assumed after having known each other for so long, she would know and trust that I was only trying to help her...

incl
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 11:16am

Maybe she said no because she didn't want you help. Maybe she doesn't feel that you two share the same taste in men, that maybe if you did go on a date with him, she might not want to prejudge him based on your experience with him etc and so forth.

Aren't you assuming alot from her simply saying NO to your request.

To be honest if my friend in the same town was in the same dating pool as me wanted the guys profile I'd say No too. I don't mind sharing a profile with someone far away but I doubt I'd share a profile with someone in the same dating pool because I like to judge someone on my own experience with them. While you may have dated him before and thought he was a jerk she might like him and think her experience with him is different or maybe it's true that she didn't want you to email him but I wouldn't necessarily assume that.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 11:27am
I totally hear what you are saying. However, she doesn't have an issue with passing judgment on guys I date. At any rate... it pissed me off, right or wrong. Some will say i'm being childish etc but I am not apologizing because she expects me to (after 18 years of knowing someone ....you know them really well).
Maybe Im being super sensitive, maybe im feeling sorry for myself - I dunno...
incl
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 12:03pm

I don't mean to offend you, honest, but I think you overstepped your boundary by asking her for the guys email. The internet is a huge place. I highly doubt that you would have interacted with the very same individual. Unless, you are both members of a very exclusive site with very few members.

Some things are meant to be kept for ourselves. Being best friends doesn't mean that you have to share every little thing. Again, I mean absolutely no offense to you. Just tell her you overreacted (if you agree with me) and move on, she'll understand.

No harm, no foul.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 1:07pm

I think maybe your friend doesn't want to know if it's a guy you've already dated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 1:58pm
How do you know that the reason why she said no is because she assumed you would email him? I think that is making an assumption and if you want to know the real reason it's always best to ask why. I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding and she might just want to be private about it. Which I don't think there is a problem with that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 2:34pm

so your best friend isn't allowed to tell you "no"?

I think the fact that you've freaked out so much - tells me why she felt she had to say no. You apparently feel you are privy to that information and like others have said maybe she just wants to keep this for herself right now. Be respectful of that!

my opinion - you owe her an apology!

Pages