Writing on the Wall?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Writing on the Wall?
5
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 8:44pm

Hi all!
I have an interesting situation. I’ve been working for my current employer now for two years. I’ve recently moved from one office to another, with a whole new staff, where I’ve been for three weeks. Upon first arriving, I noticed that this guy was very ‘friendly’ towards me. He wasn’t inappropriate or anything, just friendly. He would always ask me how I’m doing and say hello. I found him attractive; however, there were (are) two reasons why I’m just wasn’t sure if I’d even be interested in him if he were to ever approach me in ‘that’ way. One, he’s considerably older than I. While I do tend to be attracted to older men, this guy may be older than my limit of 40 (I’m 28). Two, I kinda get the impression that he may be somewhat of a lothario…the office Casanova. Three times, I’ve heard little comments and or seen little gestures. First example: on my first day there, I witnessed him go into the cubicle of this other young, attractive woman who works there and fish around in her desk for candy…I know it doesn’t sound like much, but wait. Second example: a bunch of us are in the break room and he’s the only guy. Another co-worker comes in and says to him, “ ‘Bob’ (his name isn’t Bob, obviously), you’re always in the middle of women…” He smirks and replies, “Why not?”
Third example: A co-worker of mine, someone who actually came over to this new office with me made a comment today: “Bob is always hanging around my area around those girls…”
Fourth example: ever since I gave him my number, (Monday) he flirts outrageously: "I just came by to say hi and to look at you..." "You're beautiful..." He also has this doe eyed look in his eye. There's a fine line between something being flattering and being...well, just obnoxious.

So, I asked a co-worker who knows him, who is also a friend, whether or not he’s a womanizer. She said that she thinks that he may be just because he seems to be friendly with the women….she was shocked at how quickly he asked me out, considering that we’ve only been there for three weeks. One thing: Friday is his last day in my department…he’s moving on to a new position which will take him out of the office. She knows for a fact that he’s dated at least two other women who works for our agency. She also said that she doesn’t think that he’s a ‘player’ or anything. She actually said that he's a pretty nice guy, but just seems to be friendly with some of the women. She also said that he’s divorced and has at least one child.

So, I gave him my number before I had my hunch that he may be a womanizer, now I regret it. What should I do? Find out on my own by getting to know him or just nip it in the bud now, since my ‘evidence’ seems to be pretty strong?




Edited 6/27/2007 8:48 pm ET by mali2579
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 11:55pm

"There's a fine line between something being flattering and being...well, just obnoxious." I absolutely agree with you.

One the one hand, what would it hurt to go out with him? On the other, it seems like you may have him pegged. Hmmm . . .

What are you looking for? If you're just out having fun, I say, if he calls, go for it; just don't expect much. However, if you don't hear from him, obviously, don't pursue it.

If you decide to go, I'd love to hear how it went!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 12:32pm
From what you describe, to me it seems as if there are red flags and I think your intuition with this might be right on. I say listen to yourself and if you don't feel right about it don't go out with him. If it seems odd/strange and you are not into the flirty type of guy, then I would say to not even go there. What throws up huge red flags to me is him already dating 2 girls in the office (office romances are not too common and sounds like he's already fished some in that pond) and also his comment saying "why not" with the women comment. Just my 2 cents but of course, it's totally up to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 4:00pm

(office romances are not too common and sounds like he's already fished some in that pond)
******************

Yep, I agree . . your the.third one in the "office", sounds like just for fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 5:57pm

>>Yep, I agree . . your the.third one in the "office", sounds like just for fun.<<

...and, from an office politics angle, you're the new girl in the office. Is there a chance of this causing bad blood between you and either of the other two girls he already dated? Might not be worth the headache that might cause.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 9:50pm

Hey!
Thanks for your input. I agree with you...I really have no reason to dis him, as it wouldn't be fare to go completely off of office gossip (though I happen to believe that there is some validity to it). Men who say certain charming things to women tend to be that way with most women...in essence, he's a flirt. More people have described him that way...it seems like it's just common knowledge around the office. They also say he's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet.
Sooo...now that he's gone (Thursday was his last day), if he calls, I'd go out with him, but with NO expectations of it being more than a date. If he doesn't, that's fine too. I will definitely let you know when and if he calls...

Thanks again!
Mali