Yet another one reappears

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Yet another one reappears
18
Sat, 08-03-2013 - 10:23am
They always come crawling back- that's what I always say. The guy I briefly dated in June who disappeared in the same fashion as the one in May decided to text me last night. It was late, and since it was Friday night, I'm sure he'd been drinking. I didn't respond. He said he wanted me to know that he liked me a lot and wasn't just leading me on. That he should have told me all he had going on. I'm not sure exactly what that meant. I called him on disappearing twice, and he wouldn't explain. I did it nicely, too. I'd written him off as not interested enough. Ugh. I'm not sure what to think of these guys. I don't want to expect them to follow some script of dating progression, but I don't want to waste my time either. I'm going to respond here in a bit. We sometimes go to the same place for karaoke, so I don't want to leave things awkward. I'd rather not feel like I have to avoid him. Beyond that...I'm really not sure.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 08-03-2013 - 11:14am

I don't think this is a good conversation to have by text since you can't get the nuances of someone's expression, etc.  I think I would tell him that if he really likes you a lot, it didn't seem that way by his behavior of disappearing.  Not that you have to be joined together at the hip but you need to have some communication, like if he is very busy at work or going away for a few days, it would be better to say that instead of just silence. Tell him actions speak louder than words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 08-03-2013 - 12:27pm

Yeah; wow.. they sure do give mixed messages but I find that women do that too..

In my younger years I used to get alot of the guys who would come crawling back as they say... I guess the grass wasnt always greener on the other side..LOL

Well I would just call and clear the air so to speak but ask him what his intentions are and see if you two are on same page...

Its so frustrating when people dont communicate their wants and needs and intentions.. I mean they must know if they are a mature adult.. Hey; maybe that is it.. Maybe you should go a bit older with a guy who knows what the freak he wants.. Only thing is that even men right now in the fifties (my category) have no clue as to what they want.. It appears most just want a hook up and then bye bye see you later...

I did read a few books though and asking counselors about how men and women get together and they all point to the same thing.. If a guy is into you (cliche) and you are the one then he will pursue and pursue...

 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 08-04-2013 - 12:00am

I was going to ask him to call me, but I have family around until Thursday. That means no privacy to have a discussion with him. I did respond and told him I was only upset bc he didn't give me an explanation, so I assumed the worst. I honestly thought he'd just met someone else. 

I may eventually ask him to call me if he wants. I haven't decided yet. I do like him, but I suspect there's something he's not telling me that I need to know. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Mon, 08-05-2013 - 11:18am
Thanks, Julia, you just saved me from responding in the exact same way. The only thing to add is the high skills of positive spinning involved when turning a drunk text on a Friday night to "crawling back". Unless it's literal - by really meaning it's assumed he was too drunk to walk.....or even remember how many people he texted along they way while crawling.
Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 08-05-2013 - 11:34am

Julia- I've asked you multiple times not to respond to me. You never have anything positive or helpful to say. Your opinion does not matter to me in the least. I honestly feel bad for you and your "sister".  

Jt- We didn't date too long, and the crawling back part is just an expression. I just don't get why guys have to let things drop and then reappear. I had moved past him, then seeing his name reminded me that I did like him and he did seem like one of the good guys.  I guess he just wanted to tell me that he did like me (a lot) and he wasn't leading me on. I'm sure he had been drinking, which is why I ignored it at the time. It definitely wasn't a booty call. 

I would like to at least be in a place with him where we can see each other and it won't be awkward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Mon, 08-05-2013 - 6:18pm

I agree.  Once again, I had to find this out the tough, painful way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 08-06-2013 - 5:50am

Music, imho, drunk-texting on a Friday night in no way constitutes 'coming crawling back'. This really is a non-issue/moot point. OP just needs to ignore and keep looking for someone who'll be truthfully seriously into her/interested in a r-ship with her.

In my book, coming crawling back is this: you've had a long-term (at least a couple of years) r-ship, shared life, friends, plans, etc etc; you broke up, the man suddenly turns up at your door at a decent time one day - sober and with flowers  - and says: 'I want you back. Please'. Not a drunk text/call/booty call after a night out at the weekend..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 08-06-2013 - 5:57am

 

'..Unless it's literal - by really meaning it's assumed he was too drunk to walk.....or even remember how many people he texted along they way while crawling.'

Hahahahahahaha jt, you're my man. This is hillarious. I can just see it. Blind-p***ed out of his mind, all's dark around, draaaging himself along, crawl-crawl-crawl-uhhhhh-and -a bit more-uhhh-getting there.. BUT also managing to text!! WHOM is another question but text he does!!!!! Hahahahahahha!! Loved it!!! Wink

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 08-06-2013 - 6:00am

Gleannfia hi there!!

'..Once again, I had to find this out the tough, painful way.'

See, me too. Totally. I have been there, I know, I've lived it, I've 'cried' it,  not once and not twice  - that's how I know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 08-06-2013 - 6:08am

 

All 'crawling back and forth'/ positive support matters aside here:

Rocklady is not "sister", as you've  put it.  Rocklady is my beloved twin, TWIN-SISTER, my heart  and my half, who lives in Rostock, Germany. I'm going over to see her and her partner, knock on wood, in a couple of weeks' time. What we'll probably do is take a lot of pictures, on different days and in different locations, and post them here, so that you and eveyrone else do not doubt me when I say that we are twins based in London, UK and Rostock, Germany.

Good luck . Wink I do hope you are right and his text is a beginning of something.

Best,

Julia

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