Young and Vibrant

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Young and Vibrant
14
Sat, 07-27-2013 - 12:04am

There's a girl where I'm doing my clinicals, she's 25, been married for about three years and she's six months pregnant.  She is so darn cute, full of life and happy.  I don't know if I can remember a time when I was that happy.  

I guess I'm wondering if grabbing life by the horns while you're still young and untainted, is the secret to happiness?  I thought I was happy and content until I had this girl to compare myself to . . . Now I'm like:  "How happy are you REALLY?"  

Not to sound cliche, but I'm wondering, maybe the best is in the past (the idea that this particular kind of contentedness was a possibility at one time but no longer) and I should learn to be happy with the scraps that remain?  

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 07-27-2013 - 7:42am

Well the first thing that came off the top of my head was dont compare yourself to anyone.. You, we  are all unique people and came here to the earth for different reasons.. In saying that you are just as marvelous in your own right as this 25 year old.. The day you realize that is when you will be very very content.. Not sure there is any such thing as being happy but y ou can be at peace and content and just live in the moment of life and relish in all that your life has to offer.. Be grateful for what you have and what we all have. The sun, air, stars, moon, water, mountains, oceans, coffee.. You know when you start writing in a gratitude journal science has proven that spirits are lifted and one feels more one ness with things and life... Even a bird can make one happy on a good day..

You are not missing anything but maybe as for me some time as passed and you dont think you have accomplished enough but if you think about your journey you probably have for  your own authentic self.. Just live as authentic as possible and you know what that is... You dont need money for that.. That girl is just living her authentic life and you really dont know if she is really as happy as she seems.....

I know for me it gets very sticky when I start seeing how great I think other people have it.. At first I am envious and then I dont let that thought sit in my brain for more than a second.. Try not to dwell on those things as they will drive you crazy... but yes its normal so dont be so hard on yourself but dont stay in that space too long..

You are exactly where you are supposed to be and in the right exact moment that you have.. Live life on your terms and be the best CFK that you can be and all the rest will fall into place..

I know how challenging it is and who am I to not validate your feelings but I do.. I validate you in what you are feeling and hoping you can see the beauty and greatness that is in you CFK.. You are one in a million and dont forget that. I would think people dont tell you as much as they should so I am telling you .. You are the only CFK on the planet and are loved by the Universe and you bring and shine your greatness upon us all..

Not sure I would call anything about life scraps. We make our own life and way in the world and we choose what we want to do whatever that is for us.. I would think its more about acceptance of where we are and what we are dealing with at this moment.. Find a few books or websites on lifting your spirits and how to accept things for what is.. Once you start accepting the path or road becomes much lighter.. Try it and then let me know..

You are probably still that girl you are missing but just a bit older and wiser and more confident and more responsible but if there is something about your life you want to improve or change or whatever then you have the power and choice to do it.. You are already doing it now and that is great and you should be proud of yourself but if there is something lacking then find it and do it.. Its all possible.....

Hang in there Kid.. It will def. get better and better.. Promise you!!!!

 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 07-27-2013 - 10:57am

You are so sweet, Free.  I went back and edited my original post because I was exhausted last night.  When I woke and read it, I thought to myself, stop being a whiny little biotch ;)

I'm not jealous of her, just pining for my youth, I think.  Moreso, the carefree, happy go lucky part of me that's pretty much faded away, I guess.  Of course, I was also irresponsible and selfish.  I don't miss that, or my niavete.  I don't know, I just remember being that age and how effortless everything seemed . . . I am grateful for what I have, I know people with much less who never whine or complain.  

I don't often think about the fact that I'm alone.  I have gotten all of those questions this week.  People are curious, I get it.  I stopped in a Dollar General on my way home yesterday evening and there was a 50-something male patron talking to a female cashier around the same age.  I gathered that she was coupled.  She kept telling him that he needed a girlfriend.  He said he hadn't had one in six years so I piped in and said I hadn't had a BF in ten.  We were both waxing optimism about the single life.  

I think on my drive home thoughts were mingling between this girl at "work" and this man, you know, set in his ways, in his fiftees, probably not in the same shape as he was 25 years ago.  It's kind of like looking in the mirror (DG man).  He seemed happy, but how happy is he, really?  Maybe he really is . . . but maybe he's forgotten(youth/happiness)?  Am I making any sense, LOL?

I have got to stop typing, have so much crap to do today!!  :D

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 07-27-2013 - 11:22am

I know what you mean. It's the "I've got so much time!" mentality. You couldn't pay me enough to be 25 again, but I'd love to feel like I have time to play around- date just to date, stay with a guy who's wrong for me just because he's good in bed, stay with a guy a little too long because I'm not sure. At this point, I feel like I have this blaring wall at 40, and it's lurking within sight right now. I know that's only because I want kids, but I also feel like men look at you differently after certain ages- 30/40/50. I also feel like making any changes in my life right now wouldn't be nearly as easy or effective as it would have been at 25.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2011
Sat, 07-27-2013 - 2:27pm

"Youth is wasted on the young"  - George Bernard Shaw.

Don't equate a smiling face with happiness. I actually find people who smile too much, annoying. Not because I don't like smiling faces but because the smiles are not genuine. America as it is, is the land of the plastic (fake) smile (Google 'America fake smiles), where everybody everywhere is smiling all the time. You can't pick up a magazine without seeing page after page after page of people smiling. But if you carefully look at the eyes, nobody is really smiling. They are smiling because they have been told to because smile sells because smiles create the impression of happiness and people like seeing happy people.  Then there is facebook. Profile after profile, tens, hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions...  of them -- with billions of pictures and everybody smiling in every picture. It's  exhausting to watch. Again nobody is really smiling. They are smiling because the shutter on the camera is about to be tripped and you are supposed to bare your teeth when that happens.  But a smile that truly comes from the heart is a rare thing, and that is a wonderful thing to watch.

Back to your 25 year old 'with child'. If she is smiling all the time and there is no reason to smile, you can be sure she is smiling to cover something up - anixiety, nervousness, uncertainty about the future.. whatever. I doubt happines is one of the reasons. You just can't be happy all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 07-27-2013 - 2:38pm

Well I read something interesting this week on the internet--I only read the headlines but it said that the happiest ages in people's lives were 23 and 69--now everybody can figure out 23--you're probably beginning a career, looking good, hopefully healthy and looking forward to a lot of possibilities.  I remember my first job and feeling like wow, now I'm really and adult and of course the money seems like a lot before you have to pay a mortgage.  I did't read why 69, but I think you're not old enough to have really declining abilities but probably the kids are raised so you can start to do what you want again, probably retired so you have more free time.  I know a lot of retired people who are really enjoying life so I don't think that you should have the attitude that nothing good is ahead.

Free was a lot more profound than I am but I do think attitude is a lot.  I mean not that people who are going through terrible experiences are going to be happy at the time--I don't think that someone who lost their house in a flood or who just lose their spouse is going to be happy at that moment, but we do survive the terrible things.  I think we can have an attitude of "well this is the way things are, so let's make the best of it."  I don't know if I'll ever have another BF so I figured I might as well find things to do and get some friends so I won't be alone all the time & I'll still be having fun.  And I am having a lot more fun.  The money/job thing is more difficult--I have had to cut back on things but generally I'm adjusting--at least I still have a place to live--but hopefully it won't always be that bad.  You have a new career so that is something to look forward to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 07-27-2013 - 2:42pm

I am not going to comment much on the baby thing because I do understand what you are saying about that, but about your comment about making changes in your life.  You're probably right that it wouldn't be as easy--like if you decided to move to a different place, well you own a home so it's not like you could just pick up and move as easily as when you were younger.  But I read an interesting book when I turned 40 (cause it's about turning 40) so you could read it early--it's called "It's only too late if you don't start now."  It's about how people get into that mentality.  Oh it's too late for me to take up piano lessons because I'm 40--well since you don't know how old you are going to live to, you could learn now & be playing the piano for another 40 years.  I'm only giving a simple example but it goes into all aspect, like relationships and careers.  Pretty soon I'll have to look for a senior citizens book!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2011
Sat, 07-27-2013 - 2:50pm

Fake smiles may cause depression !  : )  <-- This is NOT a fake smile

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 07-27-2013 - 3:06pm

I don't see learning new things as making changes. I'm talking more about changing jobs (not that I'd want to) or moving to a new city (again, not that I want to). I have a friend who is recently divorced and just turned 41. She always talks about how she won't date younger men because she wants someone "established". To me, that just means someone would have to move, and probably not just across town. I like younger guys because they're more flexible. I wouldn't mind moving houses if I met someone who already owned or didn't want to move into mine. The problem comes when/if I met a guy who lives half an hour away. If he's "established", chances are if things worked out he'd want me to move, then I'd be driving even farther to work everyday. It's just easier to make those changes when you're younger and don't quite know what you want yet. Hopefully that makes sense! I'm feeling a bit out of it today!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 07-27-2013 - 3:11pm

Oh; oops sorry if I sounded too profound and I think like Shy I am a bit out of it today...

I like what you guys said and what Music said.. Love the comments..

Anyhoo; Reishi.. We dont all have fake smiles in the U.S.. We have fake nails, fake boobs and fake hair, fake and bad plastic surgery.. Its all a choice I guess...

 

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sat, 07-27-2013 - 3:42pm

I just want to slap people like that 25-year-old. (Not really. She actually sounds very likable.)

We get into trouble when we compare our insides to someone's outsides. But she probably is happy. Here she is, married and pregnant at an appropriate age, probably didn't go through years of bad dates and dysfunction. She probably has a wonderful, loving family.

I've thought a lot about my youth, of course, and it occurs to me that things that seemed so wonderful then were in part wonderful because they were the first time I'd ever done them. And, you just don't know any better. When I was 21, I moved to a new city to pursue a singing career. I did that for two years. I eventually went back to college, but I am glad I tried it. It's the kind of thing you do when you are young and have time to start over. But it wasn't a bed of roses, in fact, it was incredibly difficult: lonely, confusing, scary (I was mugged), disappointing venues, you name it. There were a few real highs, but really only a few. It was a difficult existence. So yes, I was pursuing a dearly-held dream, but I wasn't "happy."

From your posts, you seem like a rather positive person with a pretty full life. I'm just wondering why you feel you have only "scraps" that remain?

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