Your identity

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Your identity
14
Sat, 08-04-2012 - 12:26pm
Maybe it's just me...maybe I'm too sensitive...but does it annoy anyone else when a woman identifies herself as "happily married" with no other description attached? For example, if you ever watch Wheel of Fortune, they always have the contestants introduce themselves at the beginning of the show. The women almost always say they are happily married to a wonderful man named so-and-so and live in xyz. If they have children, that comes next. Does that really tell us anything about a person? In contrast, I've noticed the single people might start with their job and include a hobby or interest.

Maybe it's just me, but I never want to get to the point where my marital status and mommy status is how I'd define myself. I do think my job defines me, but that's because it's such a huge part of my life. I'd include things like my interests, things I love, how I spend my free time (which, at the moment is being lazy).

Does it bug anyone else? Do you think we've learned to define ourselves better since we don't have that "married" title?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 5:31pm

I take no offense at all.   If you read my post you will see that I can understand exactly how you feel.   

When I was in FULL ON MOM mode, I didn't realize how boring(or whatever adjective) my life may have seemed to others that were not in the same phase as myself.   

Now that my kids are older, I am in a different phase of life, I have grandkids....I can see it more clearly.

Maybe if I had done more for myself, I would be more fulfilled now that I have changed gears from Full On Mom to single, working woman.   Or I would have a better idea of what to do to make myself happy.

Some people that I have worked with for a few years are shocked to find out I have 4 kids.   I just don't talke about it like I did when they were younger and around other Moms.  (soccer, softball, baseball, basketball, concerts, football games - the list goes onandonandon!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 9:43am

 

I've got to be honest with you Shywon and say that my job means absolutely nothing to me. I paper-shuffle in an office of a (huge, important, multinational blah blah) company from 9 to 5 every day in order to pay my bills and enjoy my weekends and holidays. The one most important thing in my life is my r-ship with my partner, and, sad as it may sound, being his gf is indeed my identity. I am also a twin so that's a huge part of who I am too. But work - ha, don't think so.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
In reply to: shywon
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 11:38am
I understand that. If I had that kind of job, I wouldn't identify with it either. Since I'm a teacher, it has to be a big part of my life, though. If it weren't, I wouldn't be doing it very well. There are just too many requirements these days. I do have a couple nights a week when I get out with non-teacher friends, though, and that's very important to me. I just don't think I woman's life should be ALL about her man and children. There's gotta be something else. I know you disagree with me on that, but that's okay.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 11:44am

 

'.... I just don't think I woman's life should be ALL about her man and children. There's gotta be something else. I know you disagree with me on that, but that's okay'

I don't completely disagree! I couldn't ever just sit home and cook meals for bf and do his laundry etc etc. I'd go insane in a month. I NEED to have a job, a structure to life, people who need me to be somewhere at a certain time because they can't do without my help.. conversation that has nothing to do with my home life,  not to mention financial independence! I'm just saying that with my kind of a job, you'd have to be an odd kind of  person for it to mean a lot to you or be a big part of your life. And so of course, to me, my priority is my home life..

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