Your self-esteem
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Your self-esteem
| Wed, 07-05-2006 - 12:27pm |
What do you do to be sure that you maintain a healthy self-esteem/self-image or whatever you'd like to call it?
I find it difficult to ignore signals that seem to be coming from everywhere, telling us how we don't measure up.

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"I find it difficult to ignore signals that seem to be coming from everywhere, telling us how we don't measure up."
This is the biggest challenge, yet the best way to keep your self-esteem in check. When I was in college, I lived with six girls and it was hard not to compare yourself to them. Some were prettier, some had larger breast, some were taller and I found out that my self-esteem was the worst at this time. Since then, I really don't compare myself to others or what the media is trying to say how we should look.
IMO, the best way to continue a healthy mind is to really find your style, your look, and you from within. Embrace what makes you different. Yes, I have flaws. I hate my feet and my teeth could be whiter, but I choose to see all the things that make me different and beautiful and it really helps to keep the esteem up where should be.
What if those things stopped happening?
Honestly?
No, I don't think I'd be okay if all those great things suddenly stopped. They are the little things that keep me feeling secure with myself and reinforcement that I am desireable. I hate that I need external reinforcement to feel that, but it is true.
In that case, I'm not sure what I would. Perhaps, try to make myself more attractive to others albeit in appearance or personality. Sure, nothing is guanranteed, but I'd try.
But I do know what you mean, it wasn't always this way for me. I used to be the mousy girl in glasses in school, ignored by everyone and I wanted to disappear into the floor...and never come back.
Hmmm...interesting question! I don't think I really "do" anything to maintain healthy self-esteem, it just "is".
But a lot of that is probably age and just being comfortable in my own skin despite having a body that is way bigger than a size 12 ;-) and hair that is starting to turn gray. Same with being comfortable with choosing to do or not to do things--like yesterday, I went to see a rather obscure French film (which I loved) but didn't go to any "normal" 4th of July activities like BBQs or to see fireworks--I just didn't feel like it and I don't feel I need to justify that to anyone.
Yes, I have moments when I feel uncomfortable about my appearance and about myself in general but they pass (and if I find myself doing negative self-talk, I try to stop and turn it around--learning to do that comes from counseling). I guess I've just learned to pretty much accept myself as I am and be ok with that over the years. I know I wasn't always like this though. For me, it's hard to say whether it was counseling or age/experience that brought me to this point, but I think it's a bit of both (although I don't think I'd be where I am in terms of self-acceptance with JUST age and no counseling).
Sheri
I hated myself in high school. I thought I was ugly, that no guys ever liked me, that I was too shy and not popular enough, etc, etc. My junior year was the lowest point in my life because I was so worried about others' perceptions of me.
It was draining to be so down on myself like that. As a senior in high school (13 years ago), I swore I would never hate myself again. It worked. It's amazing how making that conscious choice makes such a huge difference. I started to focus on all the great things about myself -- and the not-so-great things seemed to diminish more and more as I did that.
That's not to say I don't still have moments of feeling down because I got rejected by a guy I liked, or I have a few extra lines around my eyes -- but generally I feel really good that I am an individual and sort of have the attitude that, if someone doesn't like me or what I'm about, that's their problem.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I don't think it could be just age.
Oh, I definitely had to overcome my mom's constant messages growing up that anything less than perfect wasn't good enough, and counseling has helped me a lot with that. I still remember clearly how she marched down to my school to talk to my math teacher when I got a (gasp!) C+ in Algebra II and Trig...that was just *unacceptable*, LOL! And I'm quite sure my strong dislike of cleaning and housework stems from always having to do it as a kid and NEVER doing it well enough (or at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it ;-)).
Really, you think "most" people don't go to counseling? Hmmm. I think of my circle of friends and I can only think of a few people who *haven't* gone. Again, maybe that's an age thing too--most of my friends are in their late 30s and in their 40s.
I actually ended up watching "Fellowship of the Ring" on DVD--I've probably seen that movie at least 10 times now and still love it ;-). I still get tears in my eyes at the end...I'm such a sap ;-).
Sheri
I've worked really hard in the past few years to improve my self-esteem.
Oh, do I know about not doing things "right"!
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